Thanks to Mathias for pointing out this charming piece of national pride.
Jul 03 2009
themometer malfuction
How hot was it today?
The thermometer says DANG HOT, no number necessary.
The kitties look cool as pie, stetched out in the conservatory hot house rather than in the cool dark back room where I’m making my way through a chocolate eclair accompanied by a sleeve of Old Speckled Hen.
2 of your musings on themometer malfuction
Jul 02 2009
31 centigrade
A week of temperatures in the 30’s (centigrade).
No air conditioning in the Wendy House.
Remiscent of North Carolina in the spring.
Beautiful.
Body Heat.
Hot enough to draw sweat in the shade and not too hot to drown movement. Body Heat caused quite a stir in 1981.
4 of your musings on 31 centigrade
Jul 01 2009
no intended disrespect
after putting on the kettle for my morning cup of tea, much as I always do, I turned the TV on to the BBC Breakfast news, much as I always do. The words below are approximate just the gist because I don’t remember the details:
- someone on TV: This will be moment that you will remember vividly for a long time
- someone-else on TV Like the day Lady Diana died
My attention is grabbed, Indeed Lady Diana’s death was memorable for me:
8am Sunday morning, tent taken down and packed in the boot of the car, tired and sad, I started driving from the Yorkshire Dales to Portsmouth via London with only a radio for company. All the BBC radio channels played a short loop of music and provided no other news than a regular announcement of Lady Diana’s death. After a couple of hours, hoping the loop would stop, I turned the radio off and drove through the mist and rain accompanied only by the noise of my own sad thoughts. The BBC TV followed a similar format:
With no intended disrespect, I suspect that I’ll forget all the uniqueness of the moment that I head Michael Jackson had died.
5 of your musings on no intended disrespect
Jun 30 2009
cyclist queue
No traffic jams for cyclists on Brighton train station. Its systematic and cyclistically focussed, its Queuing! Hoorah, I do love a good queue. Unfortunately I’d come-over all pedestrian so wasn’t eligible for participation. Pooeeeey
1 inspirational musing on cyclist queue
Jun 29 2009
getting somewhere
In 1991 I invested in driving lessons, passed my test, bought a Diesel Engine car, and regularly drove the A68 wishing the road, daylight and hope would last forever.
Tracey Chapman sings fast car
4 of your musings on getting somewhere
Jun 28 2009
fault on the line
Not train line
BT phone line
The Wendy House was positively brrrrrrringing with the noise when I cam home. The cats were hiding in cupboards. Poor tortured fluffballs. Emotionally scared and scarred.
I lifted the reciever, the noise continued in a muted form.
I tried to ring BT. Hah! Then used my mobile phone. My mobile phone service plan (t-mobile) charges me for the free-phone number.
Unlike trainline faults, BT didn’t feel the need to apologise, and offered a reimbursement of less financial value than the cost of their line being faulty. In the spirit of sharing feel free to experience a snippit of the BT pain by listening to this….
be the first to muse on fault on the line
Jun 27 2009
hypnotistless regression
After a few minutes silence a new conversation starts
male: I’ve got a new horn
female: Oh?
male: Yes, it’s no longer ‘MOOOOOOO’ now it’s ’MOOOOOOEEEEW
female: that’s nice
male: do you want to see my horn?
Wendy: Teeeeheeeehheeeeheeee he wants to show you his horn
Returning to the UK has reinforced my ability to regress the age of 12 without the aid of a parachute or hypnotist.
How cheap is that? Bargain basement cheap!
2 of your musings on hypnotistless regression
Jun 26 2009
birdsong addicts
why I love England #11: birdsong
Sound engineers play birdsong on a dis-used radio channel. The channel became very popular. People were OUTRAGED when the birdsong channel was closed down. I am SO lucky because I can just open a window or door and hear the little blighters bickering away. Jolly good show
1 inspirational musing on birdsong addicts
Jun 25 2009
today I am a robin
Please adjust your balance before commenting.
Thank you.
be the first to muse on today I am a robin
Jun 24 2009
Error of the week
Which of this weeks ‘errors’ do you think should win my error of the week award, and why?
- Transient notification of a ‘USB Device Not Recognised’?
- Network Diagnoistics ‘Windows tried a repair but a problem still exists’?
- Or the classic old favourite from IE8 ‘Internet Explorer has stopped working’?
4 of your musings on Error of the week
Jun 23 2009
daily flirting
Young Male Colleague (YMC): morning luv
Wendy: morning luv (reflecting, while trying not to choke or laugh at what feels like an innappropriately over-affectionate term to me, but might not be)
WMC: You’ve got bed hair
I move my hand to my hair to ruffle it some more, emphasize the effect. Before my hand reaches my head:
YMC: No, don’t, it looks good
The UK chaps do like to use conversational styles (flirting?) that were not normally used,with me, in the NW US. A lot of flirting, its not ’serious’ though, it appears to be dished out fairly evenly within a heterosexual framework.
2 of your musings on daily flirting
Jun 21 2009
international biddies
Wendy email text: July 3rd, Niel Sedaka at the Colston Hall – can you come if I get tickets?
Mumxie email text: Cannot come sailing on the Danube Sorry
This is mumsie’s second email to me. If I flatter myself, as I am wont to do, possibly her second email to anyone. I can’t help but be impressed by both content and style.
Naturally I followed this revelation with a phone-call to discover Bucharest, Saltzburg, Vienna and butler-service were involved (and a new kitchen but that’s another story), thus clearly justifying turning down free Neil Sedaka tickets and an evening out with their adorale only daughter.
Mum saw Niel Sedaka on his last UK tour.
Darn, foiled again…
4 of your musings on international biddies
Jun 20 2009
Popular conversational topics #4: favourite roads
person 1: what’s your favourite road?
Wendy: A68
person 2: yeah, that’s got some nice (demonstrates bends and hillocks with his hands while making excellent sound effects)
person 3: what about the road that goes down to Cornwall?
person 4: Yeah, the A30
The conversation continues in this vien. I feel that I’ve found home. Next time I may mention buses, what do you think?
1 inspirational musing on Popular conversational topics #4: favourite roads
Jun 19 2009
no blog entry today
This is a figment of your ripe imagination
3 of your musings on no blog entry today
Jun 18 2009
restricted access
A couple of friends are in the process of selling one and purchasing another gorgeous home in downtown Reading, near the Wendy House.
There’s one slight hitch in the plan
In 1998 the local council placed an access restriction on the to-be-purchased property. Pedestrians and vehicles cannot access the house from … …the public highway. There is no other obvious route to the house. The current resident ignores this restriction. How can my friends get from the roadway to the house without breaking the law? Without:
- using a Vehicle: A device or structure for transporting persons or things; a conveyance?
- being a Pedestrian: A person traveling on foot; a walker?
- accessing the property from the Road?
6 of your musings on restricted access
Jun 16 2009
more high maintenance than a t-mobile relationship
After the perpetually irritating, poorly designed user interface, web n walk software appeared to completely fail I removed it from Vista.
The removal process involved webnwalk software telling me to reboot my computer. As my computer re-started Vista Blue screened, I scrambled for my camera but sadly missed the moment. When Vista started it made sure that I knew about this unexpected shutdown.
2 of your musings on more high maintenance than a t-mobile relationship
Jun 15 2009
your eyes turn red
In 1986 a friend was sectioned with psychizophrenia. Before he was sectioned he talked of his fear and knowledge of the condition he suspected that he had. He knew what was happening to him, he knew something of what was to come, he was profoundly scared. Another friend talked her way through why she should take her own life. I listened one night. I listened another night. I listened again. I listened into the early hours of the morning. It was overwhelming, I didn’t have the answers, she did. She killed herself. I moved into the room she had lived and died in. The rape stories, like a gushing tap that you can’t turn-off. You have to listen. The often all to vivid knowledge of how their pain has changed their world-view for them, stays with you. Always.
Meanwhile I was trying to live in a crumbling contorted fantasy where girls had full human rights and fell in love once, forever. By 1986 I was denying the dream was dead while engaged in a futile, depserate, effort to resuscitate it. Everyday could be the day the dream came true…
The The sang this is the day
(warning: this video includes 1980’s hairstyles and a brass section)
I started smoking. The The sang slow train to dawn
4 of your musings on your eyes turn red
Jun 14 2009
get orf moi land
or in regionally more accurate terms ‘OI! git orrrf my lahnd with the optional extra ‘OAR isle shoooooot yew” is often creatively used by Bristolians to deal with all sorts of naughty intrusiveness.
someone hogging the twiglets? ‘OI! git orrrf my lahnd…’
Seattle symphony stealing your artwork? ‘OI git orrrf my lahnd OAR else….”
Seattle symphony orchestra is (allegedly) stamping on your emotions: ‘OI git orrrf my lahnd OAR isle shoooooot yew“
A birdy around the Wendy House garden has a reasonable variation on this call, here she goes, sat in the neighbours Rowan tree:
(18 seconds of chirpy & wobbly camerawork warning)
1 inspirational musing on get orf moi land
Jun 13 2009
little and large
On a sunny Saturday morning the front door is wide open, birdsong, breeze and buzzy-things float in and out. I hear footsteps on the gravel drive, the garden gate open and close then a cautious voice calls out:
knock knock
At the door a petite, dapper, elderly anglo-saxon lady and a tall stout lady of colour are soaking up the ambience of my garden. The elderly lady, Barbara, smiles and announces
I didn’t know this was here, its lovely, its a hidden garden
I smile and lean against the door frame, considering the ladies semi-formal dress and wondering who they are and why they are here
Barbara: don’t you find that people have very little faith these days?
Wendy: I have faith
Barbara reaches into her big, old-person’s handbag and pulls out a copy of Watchtower. Ah, Jehovah’s witnesses spreading the word and recruiting. The aptly named Gloria stands behind Barbara, her substantial, boxer-like, stature makes her visible both above and around Barbara. Barbara nervously explains how informative and useful the ‘Awake’ pamphlet, within watchtower, is. It has information about prescription drug addicition and about woolly mammoths. She flicks through the pamphet showing me the pictures while trying not to drop the pamphlet or her handbag. I smile.
Barbara: would you like one?
Wendy: I have faith, but if you want to give me one of those I will look at it
Barbara looks surprised, hands me the Watchtower, glances around my garden
Barbara: it’s very nice here
Wendy: yes, especially the nieghbours, the lady who lives in that house was born in it, when she got married her husband moved into the house with her and they both looked after her elderly parents. Isn’t that awesome?! I love it here.
Barbara: can we come back and call again?
Wendy: yeah, sure, have a nice day…
1 inspirational musing on little and large
Jun 11 2009
laptop dancing
A phrase uttered by a radio presenter to describe the new use of an ex magic shop, a place for ‘Laptop Dancing’ .
Do I hear you ask:
Is this a place where sequin and spandex covered laptop computers bounce around in close proximity with young upcoming professional people on underfloor-lit dancefloors to a funky disco beat?
Here’s a couple of young professionals practicing their laptop dancing :
One of their commenters sums up this new cultural phenomena rather well using new-english:
“wahey!!! this is gonna be huuuuge in the future!! Just get out ya fackin’ laptop beast out sum choonz, whack it on ya shoulder and jus fackin dance!!! awoooooooooogaaaaaa!!!!!!!”
1 inspirational musing on laptop dancing
Jun 10 2009
ping remote host
Words of wisdom from an almost stranger*. in this case Windows Network Diagnostics:
When planning your party make sure you employ communicative DNS servers to hand-out the canopes and if your host is being a bit remote, just ping him a bit and he’ll deliver cuddles all round.
* past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser. Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, a neighbour and Reading Police
2 of your musings on ping remote host
Jun 09 2009
stress reduction clinics
Matrix is considering expanding her fundamental skill set into a profit making business by running stress reduction clinics for busy professionals.
The main obstacle is that she’s way too busy (sleeping).
2 of your musings on stress reduction clinics
Jun 08 2009
Swans way
1984 involved discovering life outside of the southern 1968 Wimpy housing estate of my youth. Catching National Express coaches to join demonstrations supporting the miners strike. Being picked-up by the police on the main streets of Birmingham city centre under suspicion of being a prostitue*. A friends suicide, numerous confidences of experiences of rapes. According to the Birmingham rape crisis centre in 1984 an estimated 1 in 4 women were raped by the time they are 21 years. There was a fabulous music scene in Birmingham and it attracted many upcoming artistes from around the cournty to the smaller venus. The midlands had soul.
In Birmingham Swansway played ‘Soul Train’**
(warning: this video includes Sax)
* girls not accompanied by a men walking outside after dark, the only possible justification for this wreckless behaviour was prosititution
** the video ends before the eerie last notes of the song…. I bought their album ‘The Fugitive Kind’ which is exceptional way beyond its recognition.
be the first to muse on Swans way
Jun 07 2009
stopped working
At least I get diversity from my regular doses of reactionary software, it’s like the early 1970’s all over again, retro-chic software on a 3 day week working to rule. Your guess is as good as mine over what rule it will work to.
At least Windows is acting as an arbitrator, looking for a solution on my behalf, this is on top of the 169 problems it recently investigated on my behalf.
1 inspirational musing on stopped working
Jun 06 2009
bad request
Dad: you can make elecronics stop working just by walking into a room
Wendy: I thought I was being paranoid
Dad: No. Not Paranoid. You have a talent for disrupting electronics
Wendy: thanks dad, its good to know I’m not paranoid
Neverland:.
4 of your musings on bad request
Jun 05 2009
problem reports and solutions
Windows Vista provides problem reports and solutions. That is helpful for people who want to try and fix something now, cheaply. We don’t have to pay for a service specialist or spend hours fiddling in the depths of the control panel. This is quite nice of them. Or is it?
All Neverland’s 169 reported problems are atribbuted to Windows rather than other applications. Should I be alarmed by Windows? Or, iIs this because other programs don’t use the Windows problem reporting system or is it because Windows has an infinitely higher problem rate?
On planet wendy there are no problem reportsbecause the program causing the problem would receive the report, fix it then make me a cup of tea and compliment me on my choice of frock.
3 of your musings on problem reports and solutions
Jun 04 2009
summertime
friend: you’re wearing a skirt, I’ve not seen you in a skirt before
I pull open my cosey warm cardigan to reveal that the skirt goes all the way up to my armpits
Wendy: a dress
friend: Oh!
2 of your musings on summertime
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