Excel said so. Pluto is unsure.

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unlucky thirteenth episode in  Wednesday a highly scientific series  establsihing exactly “why wendy’s single“.    

Reason # 13:   Excel said so. Pluto is unsure.

I decided to consult Excel about the ‘why’ of my singleness.   We put some numbers together and massaged them into many wonderful tables and charts.   Excel said there are  too many Independent variables reasons involved.    The likelihood of these many  independent variables  multi-dimensions aligning like planets*  to produce result in an appropriate boyfriend nearby decreases exponentially with each identified singleness reason, independent variable, dimension  predictor.   These exponential distrubtions align with Excel’s earlier observation that  potential boyfriends are so scattered they are all,  but one, scattered off the plot.    

Eventually Excel told me that it was ‘the way of the world’ that a Wendy should be single.  The  Pluto  world.   Pluto rules my astrological sign.   Pluto has recently been demoted from planetary status.    Pluto’s probably in therapy to deal with the psychological impact of demotion rather than wasting time effecting change in my life.  

Excel concluded by saying it’s  not my fault and I should consider an insurance policy to protect myself from things that are not my fault.  

* Syzygy is apparantly the shortest word including three ys  in the English language.   It’s a new word for my scrabble playing repetoire.

Excel said so. Pluto is unsure.
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5 bits of lovely banter on “Excel said so. Pluto is unsure.”

  1. Jen writes:

    Too bad there aren’t three Ys in the game of Scrabble, or else that word WOULD totally kick arse!

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  2. theCultFigurine writes:

    I wonder what the odds are of getting both Y’s and at least one of the two blank tiles?
    🙂

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  3. Kate writes:

    one y or a y and a blank could be on the board in the right places, then you only need the s z g and y on your hand. It is all very improbable, good luck Wendy that’s one stretch goal you’ve got to play that word. I’m rooting for you 🙂

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  4. bob writes:

    you would also need the only z, not to mention both y’s and a blank. you would also need a place to put it, making this work extremly unlikely to use in an actual game.

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  5. Tanveer Badar writes:

    This is just insanely hilarious.

    Sorry about any mistakes, IE8 sucks!

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    [reply]

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