Excel said so. Pluto is unsure.
unlucky thirteenth episode in Wednesday a highly scientific series establsihing exactly “why wendy’s single“.
Reason # 13: Excel said so. Pluto is unsure.
I decided to consult Excel about the ‘why’ of my singleness. We put some numbers together and massaged them into many wonderful tables and charts. Excel said there are too many Independent variables
reasons involved. The likelihood of these many independent variables multi-dimensions aligning like planets* to produce result in an appropriate boyfriend nearby decreases exponentially with each identified singleness reason, independent variable, dimension predictor. These exponential distrubtions align with Excel’s earlier observation that potential boyfriends are so scattered they are all, but one, scattered off the plot.
Eventually Excel told me that it was ‘the way of the world’ that a Wendy should be single. The Pluto world. Pluto rules my astrological sign. Pluto has recently been demoted from planetary status. Pluto’s probably in therapy to deal with the psychological impact of demotion rather than wasting time effecting change in my life.
Excel concluded by saying it’s not my fault and I should consider an insurance policy to protect myself from things that are not my fault.
* Syzygy is apparantly the shortest word including three ys in the English language. It’s a new word for my scrabble playing repetoire.