wendy house

for 6 days in Madrid.  

Flat Eric is the biggest thing in my case,   closely followed by my sketching and wash kits… …then some token clothes and a tin of loose-leaf tea.   Books, mobile phone,  laptop, music player, hats and glasses  are in my carry-on handbag (US = purse).    Eric in baggage =  e-baggage.

It is all that a Wendy thinks she needs.   I could be wrong…

Gosh,    I hope Eric and I arrived in Madrid together.

P.S. do not ask what Eric is doing with his paws.   It’s unpublishable.

person wearing Khaki Cargo pants walks by and I hear this fade-in then fade-away:

 ”…….so then I implemented the kill button which wasn’t that nice but it did the job,   all the ants died……”

*I’m not here, there, really.   I’m probably fidgetting on a plane flying over the Atlantic Ocean while the person behind me repeatedly  knees me in back,   the person next to me picks their nose whenever I look at them,    the other person on the other side is silently flatulent.   I used an automatic-doobry  to hide that I’m not there,    all not there,   already completely GONE.    

Gosh,   I hope I’m OK.

The first in this series of celebrity comparisions drew a similarity with an extremely talented blonde  actress,   unlike this comparision:

VSTH*: come and look at this

HDA**:   ooOOOOOoooo   it looks like…. …..um….. …you know…. ……that English girl….

Wendy & VSTH in harmonious silence:     ???????

HDA: the one who recently came to America

Wendy:     Posh Spice?   Married to the soccer player David Beckham?

HDA: yes that’s it,   your cut reminds me of hers

VSTH:   she wasn’t primed to say that

Wendy:     ……..

* Vidal Sassoon Trained Hairdresser

** Hairdressers Assistant

The Daily Mail published this set of pictures of Posh Spice’s recent haircut:

.

Whenever Raymond cites :: The Wendy House :: in his blog my visit statistics soar to  approximately 1000 in a day from their normal baseline of approximately 100 per day.   See dashboard graph below.

Looking at the dashboard,   initially,  I  was extremely pleased that the average visit time is nearly 10 minutes.   Then I looked at the distribution of visit times on another graph.   The distribution was bi-modal with 75% of visitors spending less than 10 sec on :: The Wendy House ::   The good thing is that 75% of visitors can assess that this blog does not provide what they want within 10 sec.      

The second mode is for visits that last  between 1 and 10 minutes. Which seems a reasonable time to read a couple of posts and take a couple of swigs from your freshly brewed  cup of tea.  

 Squint to see Raymonds peaks:

Fifteen more books successfully released to the safety of half-price books.   In Exchange, three books paroled to the comfort of my handbag   No cash changed hands.   Bargain,   I gained book-shelf space  and topically useful books…  ..I feel a few more books coming on….  

Libraries are fabulous social resources whose being is radically changing nature with the emergence of the Internet as an archive and social resources.   This Library,   Escorial, near Madrid has just made it onto my list of way-too-many-places I hope to visit.   I’ll have to use the bus* or train to get there   Brrrrrrmmmmmmm….Brrrrrrmmmmmmmm…..    

Without even leaving Madrid I may get to see an Eygyptian temple,  a Palace where the Spanish Inquisition did some of its inquisiting,   fabulous deliberately leaning buildings, a very ornate post-office, a stadium  bull ring, a crystal palace inspired by the London Crystal palace,   bars that Earnest Hemmingway drank in (not all of them),   graveyards, and of course the essential  very tall thing for tourists to go to rather like Seattle’s Space Needle and Portsmouth’s Millenium tower.    

Then there are castles to be checked out,   like the Alcazar…   just outside Madrid…   more buses!!

* I  like  riding on  buses

forty-second in a series of posts describing the experience of  taking  tea English style, and beyond….

Thursday Tiffin #42:   Tasseography

Reading futures from the patterns made by tea-leaves swirled around the edge of a drunken cup of Tea.   There are even websites that provide a step-by-step guides on how to read tea leaves   this one suggests a step process then provides many details of each step:

1. Make the tea correctly.
2. Have the subject drink the tea properly.
3. Learn the symbols
4. Predict when something’s going to happen
5. Determine each symbol’s importance

The advice is strikingly similar to  that given by  my crazy  aunt Mazie.  

fifty-second in a Wednesday series of posts  uncovering my score on singleness.

Reason #52: one strike

One strike and I’m out.   Zero tolerance for anything even approximating physical violence to another human being or a cat.   Apparantly there are some people who believe in a discourse that endorses violence by attributing it to beyond control,   to passion,   they  ’can’t help’ being violent,   they were provoked,   and so on.   What a load of complete bollocks.   Walking away is always an option for potential agressor  and often also for the  potential victim.  

It looks like Englands natural boundary with the Welsh people and Britains  longest river, Severn, has taken pride in recent rainfalls  swelling to  make Tewkesbury an island:   http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/6909162.stm

The grey sky and drizzle here in Seattle across the last week  feels rather pathetic by comparision.  

My results  from a couple of quizzes on a website called blogthings tells us that:

quiz link: How Cluttered is Your Mind?

quiz link: Are you a Feminist?

quiz link: The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Does that help us to:

• understand and share that which is  Wendy?    
• enhance the quality of ::The Wendy House::?  

Things about blogthings.com that I found interesting are:

1. the engagingness of the quizzes irrespective of  their construction quality.   I liked  doing  them.
2. lack of opportunity to compare my results to some form of position on a norm of all the people that completed the quiz so far.   For example,   if most people who completed the quiz  have a 10% cluttered mind then my 25% is relatively high mind-clutter for an online person who likes doing blog postable quizzes.   Who are the other Sesame street characters I could have been?   Do bloggers normally think they are Earnies rather than Berts or Big Birds?    If I start eating  a lot will I have a high metabolism or grow to be a big bird?
3. the topics of not-provided quizzes.   For example.   Should the US pull out of Iraq?    Can you make an excellent cup of tea?   Is there one God with multiple identities or a multi God system?
4. representations of the quiz setter’s  cultural values.    For example,   this  question  from  a quizz to assess whether a person is ‘hot stuff’ or not  is based on the assumption that the person completing the quiz is a girl.   I learned that   the quizz author and editors believe that hot stuff is a self-referent for females:      

A guy with a girlfriend is:

• A fling
• A challenge
• Off limits

friend: there was something else I wanted to tell you about but I’ve forgotten …..
wendy: interview,  driving, kerouac, exam, Budapest, spa, Spain
friend: Spain!

by and by she told  the story of the testical salad, alas, an unpublishable urban tale

The factory  announced it’s closing for the week starting July 31st.   Time for Wendy’s summer outing!   Leaving the USA,   leaving the UK,   leaving ex-English colonies,  venturing into the heart of  the Spanish  ex-empire.    Madrid,  during their infierno  wearing a sheath dress in pink leopard-skin print.   Of course!

Excitement levels have risen passed  new-haircut appointments towards which glasses & hats can come with me dilemmas?   Professional Wendy-observers are safely predicting regular outbreaks of:

• tourist-y activities:   Loitering  around the Paseo del Prado,   taking in an art gallery or two.   Day trip to Toledo (if I haven’t already disintegrated in the 40 degrees heat)
• Wendy-y activities:   People watching over a glass of warm red wine,   sleeping,   photographing buildings and doorways,   riding buses and trains,   falling over,   talking nonsense to strangers,   exploring bars  that claim hemmingway drank there,  high frequency of not making decisions.

A manicure and pedicure is  a luxury, surreal,  experience I’d recommend to anyone irrespective of gender.   The unexpected parts include:

• 30 minutes sitting in a chair  that poked and vibrated by back and  derrier.   A girl has to laugh  and say oOo!  
• hand delivered pulling and poking of my forearms,   hands,   calves and feet.  

Like Matrix (pictured) my feet are VERY sensitive.    Just one thumb pushed into their balls and  reflexes send my foot on an unpredictable journey  accompanied by whoops and giggles (rather than meows).    Then I’d recompose,   apologize and return my foot to the masseur for more pummeling.   The masseur  appeared to find this entertaining as did the other people in the nail bar.   Some smirking going on.    It’s beyond me how the other customers  managed to maintain a serious composure with all this pulling and poking going on.  

forty-first  in a series of posts explaining the gruesome truth behind the bone china recipe  for taking  tea English style.

Thursday Tiffin #41: dead bovine crockery

Excerpt:

The use of bone ash had been known from the middle ages, when it was first used in cupels for the assaying of metals. Interest in it as a tableware ingredient emerged about 1750 and in the succeeding fifty years several experimental formulations were tried. However, these were ‘soft-paste’ porcelains with the inclusion of bone ash. Whereas what we now know as bone china is a true porcelain of china clay and Cornish stone with 45%-50% calcined bone.

Who would have guessed that those cunningly clever rock rocking Cornish were supplying the stone to make bone china,   I wonder who supplied the bone.   Ethical vegetarians should probably give bone china a wide berth*.

How do you know if your china is bone china?   It’s partially translucent you should be able to hold it up to the light and see the shadow of anything placed between it and the light.   It makes a very distinctive sound when tapped,   you can learn to identify it by gently tapping it and listening to the  ring.  

*  Convenient sea room; sufficient room to maneuver under way or to swing at anchor

fifty-first in a super Wednesday series of posts  revealing the heroic reasons of my  not currently coupling-ness

Reason #51: superhero

With a few notable exceptions  (e.g.  the Simpsons) most classic superheros are single.   Batman,   Wonder Woman,   SuperMan, Valerie Singleton,  and some popular Gods.  

   Braces (UK) &  Suspenders (US)

Are a practical and a fashion item in the US.   They were out in abundance in Sedro Woolley (the city formerly known as Bug) for the July 4th parade.

Wikipedia cites Larry King as a famous US braces wearer and describes them as:

Braces in British English (and also sometimes in North America) or suspenders in American English, are elastic fabric straps, run over the shoulders, that hold up trousers. The entire strap of braces may be elasticated, or only at attachment ends, with the most of the straps being of woven cloth with either a X-Back or Y-back crosspatch and leather end tabs. Braces typically attach to trousers with clips or, less commonly nowadays, with buttons

This is one of ‘Wardance’s way-too-small collection of ‘miss-spelt’ church signs they are all so vary god.   I want Maw!

(Warning:   anyone with aversions to bulleted lists should avert their eyes after the next sentence)  

The July 4th parade in the City  formerly known as Bug  is by far the most engaging,  relaxed and  inclusive I have ever experienced.   Inclusiveness includes:

• Buses to Baseball teams,
• Karate clubs to cheerleaders,
• Hairdressers to hospice staff,  
• Logs to dogs,
• Milk to mariachi bands,
• Moped formation riders to mexican restaurant football team,
• elected officials to racing cars,
• submarines to saxophones, and of course
• Tractors,   Tractors and more Tractors.

Some people even drive their tractors to the parade  for a good view.   Everyone  cheers and waves at everyone else.  

An all around  love fest of everyday life.  

Fingerprint not available says the text on my employment authorisation card.  

I wonder why the department of homeland security is  keeping my regularly supplied  fingerprints secret from their card-printing department.    

Situational irony.  

This could be  evidence that I am conforming to current local constructions of femaleness.

Or,   this could be evidence that  shoe appreciation  is a  legitimate conversation opener between  females in the Northwest USA.   Rather  like the weather is in the UK.

Probably evidence of both because obviously, in my opinion, I do have very comfortable and good looking shoes and females do comment on them.

These comments on the shoes in the accompanying photograph,  all happened last week:

1. US accented person of colour  follows me along a corridor: “digging the shoes“
2. woman in a stairwell: “cute shoes wendy,   you always wear cute shoes“
3. woman in cinema: “those are cute shoes“
4. while sat cross-legged on a desk the woman on the chair next to me grabbed my be-shoed foot,   looked at its fabulous tread then smiled at me.   I took that to mean fabulous tread on your shoes….and smiled back.

fortieth  in a series of posts explaining taking  tea English style then before flying the concept to  new places.

Thursday Tiffin #40: 73% Post-Consumer Novelty

Exploring the songs on this website kept me giggling and jiggling for literally minutes.   Excellent stuff,   try the increadibly earnest “baby its time to vote“.   Here’s what the website says about the “Mad Tea Party”‘s CD “73% Post-Consumer Novelty“:

“73% Post-Consumer Novelty” captures the Mad Tea Party’s post-modern parlor music era. Recorded during the band’s duo phase, it features members Ami Worthen (ukulele, vocals) and Jason Krekel (guitar, fiddle, tenor banjo, kazoo, slide whistle, horns, drums). Guests on the album are Joe Edel (sousaphone), Sean Foley (accordion) and Reese Gray (saw, piano). Produced by Mad Tea Party. Recorded and mixed by Chris Rosser at Hollow Reed Studio in Asheville. Mastered by Seva.

South West UK:   mostly cloudy with outbreaks of rain

unlike like outbreaks of acne,   outbreaks of rain can be pleasant.   Misty fog with rain and drizzle can seem appealing when you’re not suffering from floods,   like the UK.

North West Pacific:   icky sticky

Here in the NW US,   despite proximity to  rain forests and mountains  on the west,  a reputation for rain and  yet more  mountains and deserts on the east,  we’re having a  hot sink.  

Even the kitties are panting for air conditioning.    

There is definitely a miner surge in the  icky-sticky ratings understated in the weather summary:

fiftieth  in a Wednesday series of posts  revealing the seemingly unending reasons of my  single-ittude

Reason #   50: underwhelming in person

software developer (SD):   YOU read Raymond Chen’s blog.   Why?

wendy:   I may not understand the code but I can read his attitude,   its funny.

SD:   yeah,   if it wasn’t for Raymond I never would have discovered Jenn or Wendy

wendy:   the Piehole and the Wendy House?

SD:   yeah

wendy:   I’ve met Jenn ………….and wendy……..that’s me,   that’s me,   I’m wendy (full horror-show of yellow wonky teeth glinting in the spring sunset frightening oncoming traffic as we drive west)

SD:   YOU?   wendy,   you ARE wendy?

wendy:  yes-yes, yes-yes,    YES,    that’s MY blog.    I did it ALL myself…    … I did ask Raymond for help setting it up.   He  pointed out that working on Windows was not the same thing as being an internet website development consultant      (…sleep inducing monologue of everything I think I know about blogging)

Today I recieved an email from Lloyds TSB Bank in the UK  

or did I?!

Luckily for click-happy me there are serveral things that make this an obvious phishing expedition.   They are:

1. impossibility.   I couldn’t verify my log-in details if I’d wanted to,   I’ve never had an account with Lloyds,   TSB or any merged version of the two.
2. impersonal.   The email is addressed to ‘dear customer’ rather than a specific name.
3. silly website address.   All the hyperlinks from the email go to an address that starts http://miriamklemke.com  rather than something plausible for LloydsTSB like their actual address, the suprisingly named: http://www.lloydstsb.com/
4. a dashed silly unreasonable threat.    The letter threatens to terminate my account if I do not verify my details.

The branding imitation, the layout and components of the email with the message ‘click-here’ to make sure you don’t loose  lose your money are well produced,   very professional.  

Credit to the actual LloydsTSB,   it was easy to find an address to report this fraudulent email.  

Wikipedia describe Phishing as a Social Engineering technique where “Phishers attempt to fraudulently acquire sensitive information, such as usernames, passwords and credit card details, by masquerading as a trustworthy entity in an electronic communication” the name probably derives from ‘fishing’ “alludes to the use of increasingly sophisticated lures to “fish” for a user’s financial information and passwords“.

Promise me you’ll be careful where you put your credentials….

The locals here in the NW US do not appear to use the word rent as extensively, or in the same contexts,  as a  British English speaker would use it.    I wonder why the use grew to be different?   For example

NW US Americans do not:

• rent a van.
• rent a semi-detatched home.
• rent a cottage in the lake district for a fortnight.
• rent a chainsaw to trim the overgrown beech  hedge surronding their garden.

NW US Americans do

• hire a truck.
• take a lease on an apartment.
• do Europe in two weeks.
• tune their  own  chainsaw to peak performance ready to join them on a July 4th parade or carve something purrity for their yard or porch.

smoker: how much weight did you put on when you gave up smoking?

wendy:  one ring size,  my clothes still fitted.

The origins of blinking in single-molecule Raman spectroscopy are known,  the Merrium-Webster defines it multiple times as  transitive and intransitive  verbs,   wikipedia disambiguates  blinking in many ways and finally the    UK slang dictionary refers to it as an adjective:

Used as an intensifier, but a particularly mild expression. E.g.”Your blinkin’ washing machine has broken down again.” or “It’s blinkin’ heavy, this washing machine

I couldn’t find the aetiology of this blinking adjective.   I wonder where it came from and where its going.

I shovel  swiss chocolate into my mouth between swigging from a pint mug of tea while an ample lady watches…   …aghast… she interrupts my food focus by asking:

ample lady: do you have a high metabolism?

wendy: I don’t know,   how would I find out?

ample lady: do you eat a lot and never really put on weight?

wendy: I don’t eat  a lot and I don’t put on weight

thirty-ninth in a series of posts explaining the complexities of tea taken English style.

Thursday Tiffin #39: room for more tea rooms

As we’ve seen, the US is beginning to pick-up tea as a fad.   The clues are the burgeoning brands and boxes,   the  promises of healthy outcomes,   and  new team rooms.   “Taste the moment” in Redmond is a new tea room.    The excellent service and food is not  cheap,  but I would go again for a special occasion with friends who like well presented food to try out the more substantive items on the menu.     Even though it should carry a warning about the rose infested  decor.

I dropped in on a Friday afternoon at 3.30pm for afternoon tea wearing jeans with my hair scrapped back and a sloppy jumper hanging off my shoulder.  Given my aversion to decoration that includes roses and pink,  I had to force myself into this place.  It definitely looks like it’s touting for the custom of the Red Hat Society or rich Redmond Wives and Girlfriends.  I am not a part of either group.

I was the only customer and clearly not dressed for the venue.  The well-dressed lady with a foreign accent that greated me and made me feel at home was wonderful.  She found a magazine for me to read and explained that the Chef had just popped out so she would be preparing my order herself.  She did a fabulous job.  I had the signature tea for $15.95 – Tea pot, fresh fruit,  pancakes, scone,  croissant,  sponge-cake craime-fresh and jam.  Yummy.     It was presented as if it was being entered in a beauty competition,   in stark contrast to my self-presentation.

As you can imagine, I was very impressed by the lack of roses on the teacups,  teapot and table-clothes.  An outstanding achievement.  I was baffled by the lack of Darjeeling,  Assam or Ceylon on the tea menu.  But with the other USA standard mixes like ‘English Breakfast’ and “Earl Grey’ providing comforting safe options for an unadventurous moody,  grumpy grouch such as myself,  I left the place a happy bunny

Forty-nineth in a Wednesday series of posts challenging your suspicions as to why I am single

Reason #   49: picky, Picky, PICKY

Example pickyness,   wendy age 16yrs,   Sailor age 18yrs cutting a dashing figure in his Navy uniform.   Sailor and I started dating when I was 12yrs and he 14.   Then he just  disappeared when I was 13.    He  reappeared when I was 16 and proposed marriage.   I suspected his commitment skills were   below par for the marriage course so I suggested that we wait the 5yrs until after I’d graduated from my University degree course before having the wedding.   He pouted quite prettily then made his final disappearance.  

It is the way of things.

*just  a title and footnote