Jan 31 2009

10 to 1 on

 

to people relaying extremely sad stories,  such as the Samaritans hear, do you think I would:

 

  1. use active listening skills?
  2. tell people to stop whining and pull themselves together?
  3. ask lots of rather silly, mispronounced, miss-spelt, jargon laden, incomprehensibubble questions?
  4. laugh maniacally?
  5. play with Excel and ignore the stories?
  6. fall asleep?
  7. all the above?
  8. none of the above?
  9. other, please specify…
  10. wibble wibble wibble

I’m thinking about taking bets on this one,  what are the odds for each option based on your knowledge of my past performance?


Jan 30 2009

boarded Manhattan’s

tags:

ClosedIn  Stockton-on-Tees  where the first ever passenger hauling steam train ran to Darlington there are many beautiful Georgian buildings. This one is showing signs of the growing depression. Closed and boarded. I felt distinctly wealthy in the warm comfort of a Taxi. When asked who were the main employers in the region the Taxi driver talked about companies that had been, not are, major employees. According to the Taxi driver the ICI Wilton works laid off over 35,000 people when ICI moved out. Wilton works still exists and according to the GazetteLive, now:

THE process industry is the beating heart of Tees Valley’s business community… …And from car bumpers and plastic baths, fabric softener and soap – all can be produced thanks to the people, plants and products of Tees Valley’s process industry. A key ingredient to the sector’s success is the Wilton chemical complex near Redcar

Unfortunately I didn’t get to visit either Wilton or the Stockton-on-Tees train station. ho-hum, next time…


Jan 29 2009

playing and LP

The small ceremony of playing a vinyl Long Playing (LP) record has been temporarily lost from the Wendy House. Below are the Dr. Wendy recommended steps taken to play a vinyl LP*:

  1. select the record, review the cover-art and song listing for each side. 
  2. select a side to play based on personal taste or consultation with people in the room
  3. Tip the album cover slightly with one hand to slide the LP from the cover into the other hand
  4. Place the cover on a surface near the record deck
  5. Slide the record from its protective sleeve taking particular care not to touch the grooves
  6. Place the sleeve on top of the record cover
  7. hold the LP up to the light and check there are no large visible scratches that might interfere with the quality of your listening experience
  8. Place the LP on the turn-table with the side to be played facing the ceiling, the hole in the centre of the vinyl over the peg in the centre of the turntable
  9. select the turntable speed by turning the switch to the slowest speed, 3rd position, 33rpm, the switch should make a pleasing clunking noise with any position change
  10. Postion your body so that you have a good view of the position of the expensive diamond needle above the outside grooves of the record
  11. Lift the record-player arm and move it towards the record edge it where it can gently drop onto the outside rim or the record, or between tracks if not playing the whole side
  12. Pick-up the LP, album, cover and sleeve to review and admire their art work and content
  13. Start bouncing around, waving your arms and singing
  14. Laugh as any nearby cats run for cover

There is a risk that I may purchase a turntable this year in order to recapture this meditatively pleasurable ceremony wth my small collection of 200 or so pre-1986, rarely played, vinyls.

* Singles and 78’s both have subtle yet significant variations on the above ceremony.


Jan 28 2009

no expectation of privacy

Expectation of privacyYou can use this US government website https://esta.cbp.dhs.gov computer system for FREE!

To submit a request to travel to the US , an ESTA. Lovely. Then you’ll be photographed and fingerprinted on arrival and they might let you in. Lovely.

HahahahHAhaHAHAHahahahaha (the sound of manic laughing fading into the distance)


Jan 27 2009

c’ohm pair

When thinking in a Bristol accent with a hint of NW US phrasing and twang:

compare sounds like compère

leading to typing mistakes, more than once, HahahahHAhaHAHAHahahahaha (the sound of manic laughing fading into the distance)


Jan 26 2009

Lionel Bart of the 70’s

In 1978 Peter Cook acting as a ballroom manager remotely compares the unmissable Revolver series where he introduces Ian Dury as the  Lionel Bart of the 70’s. Ian Dury was often stylishly sporting hats and wearing gloves. Clearly a man with both literary and wardrobe talent. New Boots and Panties! walked with me from the childhood suburbs to an adult world of adventures..

Ian Dury played ‘What a waste’
(warning: this video includes Sax)


Jan 24 2009

have mercy on us all

by Fred Vargas (translated from original French by David Bellos)

Highly recommended for people who like innovative twists on crime thrillers, novels that cunningly intertwine history with fiction, and rich characterizations of people living in another country (Paris, France).

4 smiles: Ratings explained

Times Literary Supplement Ruth Morse summarises the content in a recognisable way when she comments that “Fred Vargas has everything: complex and surprising plots, good pace, various and eccentric characters, a sense of place and history, individualized dialogue, wit and style.”
I cannot comment on how the translation had changed the book from the original. David Bellos worked with the original author on the translation.

Ruth Morse makes a scathing comment on the translation writing that David Bellos had ”simplified, adapted and anglicized throughout, diluting the specificity of Vargas’s well-modulated French. This is not a matter of competence, but of style choices. David Bellos’s translation is so free as to amount to wholesale rewriting, at the expense of the atmosphere. Reading his prose is like watching a hastily dubbed film.” David Bellos replies to Morse’s criticisms.

I wish I could read the original French version because despite not being particularly interested in murder mysteries I was so gripped that I read this book in one, long, day. A rare un-put-down-able experience for me as a single girl and curmudgeonly reader, intolerant of murder mysteries with plots that are either

  • easily guessable
  • so obtuse its virtually impossible to guess potential plot evolutations

This book managed to effectively walk the line between these two literary traps.


Jan 23 2009

scottish taxi driver

At Darlington train station I walked up to a man stood by a driverless taxi

Wendy: Are you the Taxi driver?

Scottish Taxi Driver (STD): Yes, Flower

I’m still not used to these gender specific addresses, this one made me smile. He had a broad Scottish accent which my year of living in Scotland has taught me to understand. On our journey the Taxi driver tells me stories. Each story illustrated how ignorant, overly wealthy, and offensive American people are. Stories included being a Jungle warfare trainer based in Malaysia , training the young US troops before they went into Vietnam.

STD: …they had NO idea, they turned up with their scented soap, their radios…

In another story a US soldier was bossing him around in a bar, calling him ‘Boy’ and giving him orders as if the American was superior in some way. One of the orders was to take the Americans travellers cheque for $200 to a currency shop, cash it and return the cash to the American. Can you guess what happened? The cabbie took the cheque, cashed it and never returned to the bar. The cabbie was keen to reassure me that he was not normally a thief but that US soldier needed to be taught a lesson.

I don’t think he thought I had an American accent.


Jan 22 2009

diagnosis: foreign object

foreign objectsJust how do you diagnose something as a foreign object without the aide of well-labeled packaging?

words used include:

  • ‘bin’
  • ‘toilet’ (3 times)
  • ‘Please’ (3 times)
  • ”Thank You’
  • ‘foreign objects’
  • ‘Sanitary towels’

Arranged in what look like sentences including full-stops do help to make this sign wonderfully British.

I attempted to comply but it is possible that a foreign foodstuff did make a sort-of appearance. I’m hoping no-one checks…


Jan 21 2009

wreckless street smirking

What does Gascoigne do?On occasions I can be found behaving with wreckless abandon and inconsideration to all kinds of minority and differently-challenged individuals and subcultures.

For example, while wandering the streets of Teddington, without any warning or the aid of safety equipment, I started smirking at this shop name. Any sign that is declaring the bodily activities of people potentially originating from Gascony can prompt me to display potentially confusing or offensive behaviours.


Jan 20 2009

risking happiness

lots of pink rosesI love you

I love you too

Are you happy?

No

What do you need to make you happy?

Not much, just to talk to you most days to hear the stories of your life, the laughter the pain, the stuff you normally share with friends. An occasional bunch of flowers, notes that tell me you love me, they can be insulting, I’ll know from the note and thought that you love me, I just need to know it through a thought or story

I can’t live my days remembering to find time to call you, to leave you a note, to be worrying about what I should do rather than living my life now, I can’t be worrying if I’ve checked-in with you enough to keep you happy, I’ll worry about whether you’re happy. It will make me unhappy

Oh, we’ll both be unhappy

I love you

I love you too

We can’t be happy together

It seems we can’t be happy

If we break-up we’ll be unhappy, but we’ll have the opportunity to be happy with someone else.

Yes, but I love you and want to be happy with you

It wont happen

No

lets part and risk happiness

[the silence of tears]


Jan 19 2009

water sensitive firealarm

tags: ,

steam activated fire-alarmLet’s get this absolutely clear; steam generated by a bath in one room can set-off a fire-alarm in another room.


Jan 17 2009

take 5 mins

 

After a prolonged bout of worky-worky-worky

 

 

Wendy: would people like a restroom break?

Person-1: Did you ACTUALY say RESTROOM break? (Face expresses what looks like incredulity)

 

 

Wendy: errr….um….yes, I lived in the US for 8 years and it still hasn’t quite worn of…Person-2: you’ve lost a lot of your American accent …

I am still labouring under the potential misapprehension that I have never had an American accent. It’s clear that I picked up a lot of US words.  I like them, their meaning appears understood locally  if experienced as out of place with my reputedly cute accent. 

Unfortunately, even on the rare occasions that I say ‘You rock, that was super-awesome’  (UK meaning: ‘thank you that was jolly good’) I exude an air of trouble-with-sincerity to the locals that can induce both grimacing or giggling depending on the disposition of the listeners…

 

 


Jan 16 2009

toothcream

spot the toothpaste....

a sleepy morning

 

one white tube on the bathroom shelf looks like another

 

E45 on my toothbrush

 

toothbrush squiggling over toothipegs

 

BULUUUUHHHH

 

not recommended


Jan 14 2009

back to front

Rear EntranceThanks to Mrs. Pouncer for pointing out this entertaining sign on the front door of a Reading nightclub targetting clientelle of a gay disposition who will benefit from some illustrated suggestions on courtship techniques.


Jan 13 2009

cunning disguise

 

Friend:  I didn’t recognise you without a hat

I pulled an emergency beanie from my flight-jacket pocket and placed it on my head

 

Wendy: does that help?

Friend:  Yes,  much better


Jan 12 2009

the big freeze

Early 1963 was the coldest winter on British record.  Records had been kept since 1659. 

During a cold winter people try all sorts to keep warm.  One result of ‘all sorts’ was that myself and most my secondary (US = High) school classmates have birthdays during the Autumn.  In 1981 the autumn babies turned 18.  A fabulous autumn of parties.  Myself and my best friend, born 7 days before me, shared a party with buckets of big hair, lip-gloss, bouncing and upbeat music.

Altered Images frequently bounced around to Happy Birthday that autumn. Unfortunately, or not, my dance style hasn’t evolved since my early days of copying Clare.


Jan 11 2009

twangy music overload

 I explain my computer problem to IT Support  Guy (SG) and ask if the two separate support teams dealing with my problem can talk to each other directly, rather than use me as a tennis ball, sort my problem out then contact me when its fixed.   Support guy is unsure and needs to investigate whether this is possible.

 

8 minutes of twangy music later:

 

SG:  I’m sorry for having left you on hold for over 2 minutes, I’m going to have to put you on hold for another couple of minutes, can you put me on speaker phone?

 

Wendy: I’m in an open plan office, the people near me might not like the twangy music. 

 

8 minutes of twangy music later:

 

SG:  I’m sorry for keeping you on hold so long, I’m going to have to escalate this to tier 2 support, hang on a while…

 

8 minutes of listening to typing on the phone later:

 

SG:  I have escalated this to Tier 2 they will phone you later

 

 

About 15 minutes later tier-2 phoned me to tell me the problem was fixed. 

 

Hoorah,  no twangy music, no hold, no extra questions.  I like tier-2.


Jan 10 2009

virgin underpass

tags: ,

 

Next to the Marlborough St. Bus station in Bristol is a rather unattractive small shopping complex that has provided homes for budget shops. In the late 1970’s the shop at the end of the underpass (below) sold second hand vinyl records. It was one of the best second hand record shops in Bristol. 

Underpass

The shop was good because it was big and the staff checked the quality of the records,  knew and cared about the music. 

 

I would enjoy spending hours in the shop. It was called ‘Virgin records’, before the first Virgin records mega store opened in London Probably around the same time the record label was founded


Jan 09 2009

alan’s tips

Words of wisdom from a specialist*.  This tip is bought to you courtesy of Dr. Wendy myself:

 

The makers of squeeze out of a bottle marmite have sacrificed the original flavour for a reduction in the viscosity levels that can rip the surface off your toast.

 

I haven’t worked out if I want spreadability or original flavour, currently I’m using the original unspread in clumps on my toast.

 

 

* past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.  Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous manicurist and Reading Police


Jan 08 2009

throw a sickie

tags:

 

The phrase throw a sickie is generally used to mean to taking a day off work and claiming pay via sick leave allowance when you are actually healthy.  Neverland appears healthy but is not going into facebook.

 

The BBC reports that a cough mixutre manufacturer website which provides information on how to take time off work when you’re under the weather has been criticised by the federation of small businesses as ‘outrageous’ because it encourages people to throw a sickie. 

 

The Clash sing ’should I stay or should I go’


Jan 07 2009

Neverland’s first virus

In keeping with the winter season of Norovirus bugs, flus and colds, yesterday Neverland got her first virus. I’m still not sure what exactly happened and how I fixed it, this is our story.

Symptoms:

  • IE7 kept opening tabs with facebook as the homepage – signed into my facebook account.
  • Killing the IE process in the task manager didnt help – IE just fired more and more browser windows until all the processing power was used.

Is that some sort of script? How did I get it? I’ve got the fancy new Windows Vista User Account Control. I washed my hands before and after handling Neverland, I even did the laundry, my life is just THAT exciting and risky.

What Wendy did after the virus experience

  • Opened the start menu and typed ’system restore’ into the start search.
  • Restored the system for yesterday, before the virus.
  • Waited while the restore happened.
  • Opened IE and removed facebook as a homepage tab.
  • Ran a scan with my defualt (free with Neverland purchase for 30 days) virus software (MacAfee).
  • Opened Windows defender, discovered that it is turned off by default on the machine from Sony. Tush. Turned it on and ran it – No problems showed up with the ‘quick scan’.

Good to know that the fabulous system restore took me back just one day and pre-illness. If only life was that simple! I still don’t know how I caught it in the first place…. …and now I’m supersticious about opening Facebook, I’m not planning on doing it until someone’s told me what probably happened and how to avoid it happening again…..


Jan 05 2009

bless my cotton socks

Since 1981 my dress sense has been significantly influenced by Julian Cope.  As the Guardian recently reported:

Julian Cope arrives on my doorstep looking exactly like he does in all his photos. He is wearing leather trousers, heavy boots (it is midsummer) a flowing camo jacket and The Hat. He politely takes his boots off when asked, but The Hat stays on throughout the afternoon

Julian was the front man for one of the first bands that I saw live in concert, Teardrop Explodes, the band included Alan Gill who co-rote rewards and joined Teardrop from Dalek I Love you  who’s Compass Kumpas album is one of my favourite vinyls.  Through the years Julian has supplied much worth attenting to including a couple of treasured books (e.g. The Modern Antiquarian).  Fabulous fellow.

Teardrop Explodes sang Rewards


Jan 04 2009

Readingfarmers market

 

In the heart of the home counties,  southern England’s Silicon valley (Microsoft, Oracle), the County town of Berkshire. 

 

Reading

(sound of clapping and hip-hip-hoorah-ing)

 

Reading gong farmers’ market runs every Saturday in the cattle market on Great Knollys street.  Reading town has maintained a link with its rural roots.  Many is the day when I’ve walked passed a well kept tractor in town centre traffic jam,  or a sign for a pub quiz to win a tractor.

 

Readingfarmers (market) sell traditional foods and craftwork,  for example:

 

·  Fresh venison

·  Fresh partridge

·  Fresh mutton

·  Fresh pheasants

·  (Fresh?) Pheasant pie

·  (Fresh?) Pheasant breast

·  Fresh rabbit

·  (Fresh?) Wicker baskets

 

 

Meats Baskets


Jan 03 2009

gongfarmer

 

A gongfarmer removes night soil.  Every home should have one,  especially homes that are challenged by moles.  I will be looking for opportunities to use this spendid word in normal conversation.  Please feel free to construct your own sentences using gongfarmer to full effect.


Jan 02 2009

saucy, troublesome, impertinent, pestilent, impudent canting, prating Penn

 

Prior to 1670 it was normal practice for Judges to put a jury in prison without food, water, heating or smokes if they returned a ‘not guilty’ verdict when the judge thought they had reached the wrong decision. 

 

Below is an excerpt from the court transcripts of the case that lead to a change in this practice, allowing juries to find the defendant innocent without fear of being punished by the judiciary.  Penn is the William Penn that later founded the US State of Pennsylvania:

 

 

Rec. Sir, will you plead to your indictment?

 

Penn. Shall I plead to an Indictment that hath no foundation in law? If it contain that law you say I have broken, why should you decline to produce that law, since it will be impossible for the jury to determine, or agree to bring in their verdict, who have not the law produced, by which they should measure the truth of this indictment, and the guilt, or contrary of my fact?

 

Rec. You are a saucy fellow, speak to the Indictment.

 

Penn. I say, it is my place to speak to matter of law; I am arraigned a prisoner; my liberty, which is next to life itself, is now concerned: you are many mouths and ears against me, and if I must not be allowed to make the best of my case, it is hard, I say again, unless you shew me, and the people, the law you ground your indictment upon, I shall take it for granted your proceedings are merely arbitrary.

 

Obser. At this time several upon the Bench urged hard upon the Prisoner to bear him down.

 

Rec. The question is, whether you are Guilty of this Indictment?

 

Penn. The question is not, whether I am Guilty of this Indictment, but whether this Indictment be legal. It is too general and imperfect an answer, to say it is the common-law, unless we knew both where and what it is. For where there is no law, there is no transgression; and that law which is not in being, is so far from being common, that it is no law at all.

 

Rec. You are an impertinent fellow, will you teach the court what law is? It is ‘Lex non scripta,’ that which many have studied 30 or 40 years to know, and would you have me to tell you in a moment?

 

Penn. Certainly, if the common law be so hard to be understood, it is far from being very common; but if the lord Coke in his Institutes be of any consideration, he tells us, That Common-Law is common right, and that Common Right is the Great Charter-Privileges: confirmed 9 Hen. 3, 29, 25 Edw. 1, 12 Ed. 3, 8 Coke Instit. 2 p, 56.

 

Rec. Sir, you are a troublesome fellow, and it is not for the honour of the court to suffer you to go on.

 

Penn. I have asked but one question, and you have not answered me ; though the rights and privileges of every Englishman be concerned in it.

 

Rec. If I should suffer you to ask questions till to-morrow morning, you would be never the wiser.

 

Penn. That is according as the answers are.

 

Rec. Sir, we must not stand to hear you talk all night.

 

Penn. I design no affront to the court, but to be heard in my just plea: and I must plainly tell you, that if you will deny me Oyer of that law, which you suggest I have broken, you do at once deny me an acknowledged right, and evidence to the whole world your resolution to sacrifice the privileges of Englishmen to your sinister and arbitrary designs.

 

Rec. Take him away. My lord, if you take not some course with this pestilent fellow, to stop his mouth, we shall not be able to do any thing to night.

 

Mayor. Take him away, take him away, turn him into the bale-dock.

 

Penn. These are but so many vain exclamations; is this justice or true judgment? Must I therefore be taken away because I plead for the fundamental laws of England? However, this I leave upon your consciences, who are of the jury (and my sole judges,) that if these ancient fundamental laws, which relate to liberty and property, (and are not limited to particular persuasions in. matters of religion) must not be indispensably maintained and observed, who can say he hath right to the coat upon his back? Certainly our liberties are openly to be invaded, our wives to be ravished, our children slaved, our families ruined, and our estates led away in triumph, by every sturdy beggar and malicious informer, as their trophies, but our (pretended) forfeits for conscience sake. The Lord of Heaven and Earth will be judge between us in this matter.

 

Rec. Be silent there.

 

Penn. I am not to be silent in a case wherein I am so much concerned, and not only myself, but many ten thousand families besides.

 

Obser. They having rudely haled him into the Bale-dock, William Mead they left in court, who spake as followeth.

 

Mead. You men of the jury, here I do now stand, to answer to an Indictment against me, which is a bundle of stuff, full of lies and falshoods; for therein I am accused that I met ‘vi & armis illicite & tumultuose:’ time was when I had freedom to use a carnal weapon, and then I thought I feared no man; but now I fear the living God, and dare not make use thereof nor hurt any man; nor do I know I demeaned myself as a tumultuous person: I say, I am a peaceable man, therefore it is a very proper question what William Penn demanded in this case, an oyer of the law, on which our Indictment is grounded.

 

Rec. I have made answer to that already.

 

Mead, turning his face to the jury, saith,You men of the jury, who are my judges, if the Recorder will not tell you what makes a riot, a rout, or an unlawful assembly, Coke, he that once they called the lord Coke, tells us what makes a riot, a rout and an unlawful assembly. A riot is when three or more, are met together to beat a man, or to enter forcibly into another man’s land, to cut down his grass, his wood or break down his pales.

 

Obser. Here the Recorder interrupted him, and said ‘I thank you, sir, that you will tell me what the law is,’ scornfully pulling off his hat.

 

Mead. Thou mayest put on thy hat, I have never a fee for thee now.

 

Brown. He talks at random, one while an independant, another while some other religion, and now a quaker, and next a papist.

 

Mead. ‘Turpe est doctori cum culpa redarguit ipsum.’

 

May. You deserve to have your tongue cut out.

 

Rec. If you discourse on this manner, I shall take occasion against you.

 

Mead. Thou didst promise me, I should have fair liberty to be heard? why may I not have the privilege of an Englishman? I am an Englishman, and you might be ashamed of this dealing.

 

Rec. I look upon you to be an enemy to the laws of England, which ought to be observed and kept, nor are you worthy of such privileges as others have.

 

Mead. The Lord is judge between me and thee in this matter.

 

Obser. Upon which they took him away into the Bale-dock, and the Recorder proceeded to give the Jury their charge, as followeth:

 

Recorder. You have heard what the Indictment is, It is for preaching to the people, and drawing a tumultuous company after them, and Mr. Penn was speaking; if they should not be disturbed, you see they will go on; there are three or four witnesses that have proved this, that he did preach there; that Mr. Mead did allow of it: after this you have heard by substantial witnesses what is said against them : now we are upon the matter of fact, which you are to keep to, and observe, as what hath been fully sworn at your peril.

 

Obser. The prisoners were put out of the court into the Bale-dock, and the charge given to the jury in their absence, at which W. Penn with a very raised voice, it being a considerable distance from the bench, spake.

 

Penn. I appeal to the jury who are my Judges, and this great assembly, whether the proceedings of the court are not most arbitrary, and void of all law, in offering to give the jury their charge in the absence of the prisoners ; I say it is directly opposite to, and destructive of the undoubted right of every English prisoner, as Coke, in the 2 Instit. 29. on the chap. of Magna Charta.

 

Obser. The Recorder being thus unexpectedly lashed for his extra judicial procedure, said with an enraged smile.

 

Rec. Why, ye are present, you do hear, do you not?

 

Penn. No thanks to the court, that commanded me into the Bale-dock; and you of the jury, take notice, that I have not been heard, neither can you legally depart the Court before I have been fully heard, having at last ten or twelve material points to offer, in order to invalidate their Indictment.

 

Rec. Pull that fellow down, pull him down.

 

Mead. Are these according to the rights and privileges of Englishmen, that we should not be heard, but turned into the Bale-dock, for making our defence, and the jury to have their charge given them in our absence? I say these are barbarous and unjust proceedings.

 

Rec. Take them away into the Hole: To hear them talk all night as they would, that I think doth not become the honour of the court and I think you (i. e. the jury) yourselves would be tired out, and not have patience to hear them.

 

Obser. The Jury were commanded up to agree upon their verdict, the prisoners remaining in the stinking hole. After an hour and a half’s time eight came down agreed, but four remained above; the court sent an officer for them, and they accordingly came down. The Bench used many unworthy threats to the four that dissented; and the Recorder, addressing himself to Bushel, said, ‘Sir, you are the cause of this disturbance, and manifestly shew yourself an abettor of faction; I shall set a mark upon you, Sir.’

 

J. Robinson. Mr. Bushel, I have known you near this 14 years; you have thrust yourself upon this jury, because you think there is some service for you: I tell you, you deserve to be indicted more than any man that hath been brought to the bar this day.

 

Bushel. No, sir John, there were threescore before me, and I would willingly have got off, but could not.

 

Bloodw. I said, when I saw Mr. Bushel, what I see is come to pass, for I knew he would never yield. Mr. Bushel, we know what you are.

 

May. Sirrah, you are an impudent fellow, I will put a mark upon you.

 

Obser. They used much menacing language, and behaved themselves very imperiously to the jury, as persons not more void of justice than sober education: After this barbarous usage, they sent them to consider of bringing in their verdict, and after some considerable time they returned to the Court. Silence was called for, and the jury called by their names,

 

Cler. Are you agreed upon your verdict?

 

Jury. Yes.

 

Cler. Who shall speak for you ?

 

Jury. Our Foreman.

 

Clerk. Look upon the prisoners at the bar; how say you? Is William Penn Guilty of the matter whereof he stands indicted in manner and form, or Not Guilty?

 

Foreman. Guilty of speaking in Grace-church street.

 

Court. Is that all ?

 

Foreman. That is all I have in commission.

 

Rec. You had as good say nothing.

 

May. Was it not an unlawful assembly? You mean he was speaking to a tumult of. people there?

 

Foreman. My Lord, This is all I had in commission.

 

Obser. Here some of the jury seemed to buckle to the questions of the Court: upon which, Bushel, Hammond, and some others, opposed themselves, and said, they allowed of no such word as an unlawful assembly in their Verdict; at which the Recorder, Mayor, Robinson and Bloodworth took great occasion to vilify them with most opprobrious language; and this verdict not serving their turns, the Recorder expressed himself thus:

 

Rec. The law of England will not allow you to part till you have given in your Verdict.

Jury. We have given in our Verdict, and we can give in no other.

 

Rec. Gentlemen, you have not given in your Verdict, and you had its good say nothing; therefore go and consider it once more, that we may make an end of this troublesome business.

 

Jury. We desire we may have pen, ink, and paper.

 

Obser. The Court adjourned for half an hour; which being expired, the Court returns, and the Jury not long after.

The Prisoners were brought to the bar, and the Jury’s names called over.

 

Clerk. Are you agreed of your Verdict?

 

Jury. Yes.

 

Clerk. Who shall speak for you?

 

Jury. Our Foreman.

 

Clerk. What say you? Look upon the prisoners: Is William Penn Guilty in manner and form, as he stands indicted, or Not Guilty?

 

Foreman. Here is our Verdict; holding forth a piece of paper to the clerk of the peace, which follows.

‘We the jurors, hereafter named, do find William Penn to be Guilty of speaking or preaching to an assembly, met together in Gracechurch-street, the 14th of August last, 1670, And that William Mead is Not Guilty of the said Indictment.’

 

Foreman Thomas Veer, Edward Bushel, John Hammond, Henry Henley, Charles Milson, Gregory Walklet, John Baily, William Lever, Henry Michel, John Bnghtman, James Damask, Wil. Plumsted.

 

Obser. This both Mayor and Recorder resented at so high a rate, that they exceeded the bounds of all reason and civility.

 

Mayor. What, will you be led by such a silly fellow as Bushel? an impudent canting fellow? I warrant you, you shall come no more upon juries in haste: You are a foreman indeed, addressing himself to the foreman, I thought you, had understood your place better.

 

Recorder. Gentlemen, you shall not be dismissed till we have a verdict that the court will accept; and you shall be locked up, without meat, drink, fire, and tobacco; you shall not think thus to abuse the court; we will have a verdict, by the help of God, or you shall starve for it.

 

Penn. My jury, who are my judges, ought not to be thus menaced; their verdict should be free, and not compelled; the bench ought to wait upon them, but not forestal them. I do desire that justice may be done me, and that the arbitrary resolves of the bench may not be made the measure of my jury’s verdict.

Recorder. Stop that prating fellow’s mouth, or put him out of the court.


Jan 01 2009

arrivals & departures

tags:

2008 was a story of arrivals at the Wendy House:

  • myself promptly followed by a small vibration of power tools.
  • a new kitchen roof of old Welsh slate accompanied by a small butt-cheek of builders.
  • fluffballs fly-in from the NW US.
  • crowds of family, old friends, new friends,  neighbours,  builders, roofers, the occassional plumber and a garden hare.
  • garden borders from underneath the patio laid upon a patio,  laid upon a patio…

and some departures:

  • books, crockery, shelves, clothes, bedding, hair, and an old kitchen roof…