wendy house

A small sign above an arch in Chepstow castle warns visitors of the back curvature required for navigating the doorways originally designed for the short people of medieval times,  in this particular case,  the French.

Occassionally I enjoy a wee excursion to a local high street bank.  Today was one of those special days

Wendy: are you concerned about your job security? the news says there will be redundancies in your bank…

Finacial Specialist (FiSp):  NO!  I’m not worried,  we haven’t done anythong wrong, customer facing staff like me are doing a good job its the managers, people earning over 60K that are going to be made redundant, at least that’s what they’re telling us.

She continued with this perky attitude that  lacked discernable compassion while telling her stories of the credit crunch

FiSp:  I had one 82 year old in tears here yesterday,  her pension has been ruined by the fall in interest rates.

Her advice to me was:

FiSp:  In October we had 6 investment products,  in December we had 4, now we only have 2,  if you don’t invest now there may not be any products left.

why I love England #7: surreality

Man On Bus (MOB): It’s all foreign to you innit?!

Wendy:  Yur, t’is!

MOB: Just shut one eye and whistle (smiles and winks as he disembarks the bus)

Please address your comments and garments appropriately. 

Thank you.

Hairdresser Business Owner (HBO): you’ve been in before haven’t you?

Wendy: yes, only once several months ago,  its grown a lot and kept a very good shape, it was a good cut

HBO: yes,  I remember. Lucia, the Phillipino lady, cut your hair really short.  She’s in the Phillipines as the moment,  she owns a bed and breakfast there and its their peak season,  its alright for some!

HBO: your scalp is a bit sensitive,  do you have a stressful job?

Wendy: (giggles) Sort of because…(unpublishable)

While the assistant washes my way-past-its-cut-by-date mop the HBO checks her records. 

HBO: you came in here last September, no wonder its grown so much

Wendy: I’m impressed that you recognised me

We talked about her business,  she hasn’t been hit by the credit crisis because ‘everyone needs a haircut’  and her business has been established for over 9 years.  We both agreed that we liked Reading a lot because of the nice people we’ve met here.  She was born in Reading,  studied in London with Vidal Sassoon,  travelled the world then came back to Reading to set-up her business. 

It’s the best haircut I’ve had in over a decade. 

I’m a very happy bunny

In 1985 I was sharing an upstairs rented room with another girl in a house shared with five other people. The stairwell was laced with buckets, pots and pans to catch the rain water from the leaky roof that the landlord never got around to fixing. The one toilet was in the original backgarden outhouse, now technically indoors due to a small extension that included the household bath.  If anyone needed to relieve themselves in the night the journey downstairs involved a complex hopscotch aound the pots and under the raindrops. Often I ended up with a foot in a pan of cold stinky water, starting a cascade of pots tumbling down the staircase releasing their load on the dubious surface mascerading as a carpet.

Simply Red released ‘Money’s too tight to mention’  

I accidentally deleted my blog database when trying to back it up.  

How silly is software that enables that accident?

CRAPPY CRAPPY CRAPPY SOFTWARE

My last back-up was Dec 17th.  All your lovely comments and my fabulous thoughts between now and then have just become a figment of our imaginative memories…

In no more than 36.25 (not recurring) sentences discuss the nature of diversity implied by the classification options illustrated in the form below:

Here we see a cunning local Archeologist, Jim, on a World Heritage site. Jim is leveraging low-pay, low-carbon footprint, excavators. Moles.  People are not permitted to excavate the site, moles can excavate without permit or reprisal.

On his knees Jim filters through the dirt of each mole hill with his fingers.  He establishes the hills exact location with his GPS then records the location with any significant archeological content in an Excel spreadsheet. 

Jim:  Oh,  my back hurts, would you like to do some?

Awards for locals.  Awards for pigs that have shuffled off this mortal coil.  Awards won locally to Lacock. 

• Be ware of the Chipsand.
• Be firm with the Faggots.
• Be bop the reared pork.

Wendy: Hello

Car rental person (CRP): Hello Wendy

Wendy: Oh (signifying surprise)!  you remember my name,  that is impressive, I’ve only been in once

CRP: It took me a moment (smiles)

While booking the car I ponder on why this chap should remember my first name and decide that it must be because I am slightly different from his other customers.  For example, when I picked up the last car I was fascinated about the business and wendy-terviewed him about how it worked (type of clients, size and make-up of fleet etc).  This kind of interest in the workings of a car rental business is probably unusual from renters and he clearly enjoyed demonstrating his knowledge.

CRP:  that’s the last car available, I’m glad you wanted it

Wendy: good to hear that your whole fleet is in use during a recession

CRP:  the fleet is much smaller than last time you visited,  we’ve streamlined.  We got rid of the Hondas.

I continued to Wendy-terview him about how the recession is impacting his business.   The irresponsible behaviour of the *ankers touches everybody in so many ways.

As a teenager, for empathetic reasons I had a soft spot for lanky skinny people with pale complections, outrageously large quiffs, and an inability to clearly articulate.  People like me!

In 1981 Edward Tenpole,  or ‘Teddy’ as I liked to call him,  twitched and loudly mumbled in a video that could have been inspired by the fabulous sets and costumes of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  I could loudly mumble along with this little ditty without even knowing what the lyrics were.  Excellent.

Tenpole Tudor sang ‘the swords of a thousand men’

Long long ago,  in the days when I truely believed that inspiring psychologists to understand the potential value and common abuses of advanced statistics, I wandered to a male colleague’s office seeking feedback on a teaching strategy of machievellian proportions.  He was talking, né, laughing and giggling, with the department manageress.   I watched from the doorway and admired her relaxed jovial open nature.   After she left I pulled out my teaching plan,  as one is wont to do on such occasions, and asked for my colleagues feedback

He smiled and said

Colleague: Wendy it’s SO easy to work with you

Wendy: urgh?  what do you mean?

Colleague:  the department head who was here just now,  I HAVE to flirt with her,  I have to,  its hardwork to both flirt AND get the work done.  I don’t have to flirt with you, I can just focus on the work.  You make it easy

All around me I’d seen what I took to be social fluidity, rapport, even maybe affection.  This one colleague had put it all into a different perspective,  the semblance of social rapport was sometimes an effort tailored to the perceived preferences of the colleague.  This colleague didn’t percieve that I needed flirtation or social niceties so he could just get the work done and help me to do a good job, no marmite sandwich bribes necessary. 

That said,  am I lovely or what?  Give me a marmite sandwich NOW!

to you from me
below the love tree
green
day
light
path

An International Symposium on Peer Reviewing is looking for solutions to the perceived problem that current peer reviewing process is an inadequate way of assessing research quality.  Conference organisers assert that peer review is statistically proven to be no better than random selection.

How are submissions to the symposium selected?

…by peer review.

According to the Gaurdian:

Former HBOS chief executive Andy Hornby, who is receiving £60,000 a month as a consultant to the Lloyds Banking Group, issued a “full apology”.

Merium Webster suggests there are three distinct meanings of apologies without citing whether they are empty,  half-empty, half-full or full:

1. a formal justification
   1. defense
   2. excuse
2. an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret
3. a poor substitute : makeshift 

I wonder how the RBS, Lloyds group and HBOS banking executives meant their apologies to the tax paying people while they arranged

• executive bonuses on top of annual salaries ( £4 million) that are so far beyond my comprehension even stilton can’t produce them.
• employee job cuts. 

The same tax paying people are

• suffering job losses due to the irresponsibility of banking processes.
• paying outlandish banking executive salaries and bonuses.  

Maybe a full apology is a composite of all 3 meanings,  including defense, excuse, admission of error and a poor substitute for genuine humility.

When returning an assessed cousework essay on UK history in the 19th century to a 17yr old me…

Tory School teacher (TST):  you are very Machiavellian

Wendy:  is that a good or a bad thing?

TST: let me know when you find out

Within a couple of hours I’d read a copy of ‘The Prince’ .  It was fascinating, written beautifully, based on multiple case study research to provide a pragmatic set of behavioural recommendations for a leader (Prince) occupying a recently acquired territory to maintain effective control.  In the 1960’s psychology used the term ‘Machiavellianism’ to label a personality ‘Disorder’ with the core theme of deceiving others for personal gain.   I wish I’d kept the essay that prompted the TST’s comment.    

You can self-assess yourself for 1960’s style psychology Machiavellianism here.

Today I scored as a ‘Low Mach’.  The results say that I ‘reject’ Machiavelli’s opinions.  Indeed, I am not and have never aspired to be a prince, princess or banker.  Alternatively, I could have lied here and on the questionnaire….

I vote that we rename Machiavellianism with the more topical outbreak of:

Chief Executive Bankerism

Words of wisdom from a specialist*.  This tip is about industrial strength white cotton bedding and is bought to you courtesy of the outstanding sales staff in Frere Jacksons Linens and haberdashery department:

Iron them while they are damp because its impossible to get the creases out once they’re dry.

I don’t plan to follow this tip because Ironing is a theoretical concept I’ve not yet fully grasped.

* past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.  Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous manicurist and Reading Police

As a youngster I was unaware that my Bristol accent was amusing until I went to University where complete strangers with strange accents would ask me to sing Wurzels songs, say ‘Oooh AaarrrrhH’  and offer me cider.   I do know a few people that can handle a combine harvester….  ….I would quite like to drive a combine harvester, for fun…

The Wurzels sang ‘Combine Harvester’

The Wurzels sang ‘I am a cider drinker’

find the plot

tie the characters to the pages

order the chapters

push it to the publishers

∞

release your inner book

Unenlightened person (UP):  As a favour, can you give my friend, the IT man, feedback on the website we’re developing?

Wendy: I can talk to him about what’s possible and provide something even if its just first impressions

UP: Oh* thank you he’ll be so pleased.

Wendy: no problem

UP: …especially since you are a woman…

Wendy: Oh**…   …why?  (demonstrating outstanding facial muscle, vocal tone and body posture control)

UP: He normally only gets feedback from men

Shall I tell the IT guy that the website lacks sufficient:

• PINK? 
• flowers in the design?
• promises of chocolate in error messages?
• links to bargain shoe-purchase websites?
• links to sign-up for escort agency work (and I don’t mean the classic Ford car)?

HahahahHAhaHAHAHahahahaha (the sound of manic laughing fading into the distance)

Perhaps not.  I’ll stick with giving useful advice which, you will be shocked to discover,  has sod-all to do with my being biologically female.

 * Signifying surprise that I didn’t start negotiating a fee

** Signifying an fake-innocent lake of understanding of why advice for this website might be different based on gender over website design knowledge and skills

Despite complaints, this advertising was passed by the advertising standards association as

 inoffensive

Apparently, advertising campaigns that are aimed at excluding women, portraying women as trying to be men, are not demeaning to women.   Insipid Missive provides a thorough collection of comments describing the history and arguments for the campaign with a couple of comments against.  

I wonder if Nestle are planning to release a version in white chocolate and advertise it as ‘not for niggers’ with advertisements showing people of colour called Winston having trouble pronouncing the English words and difficulty removing the wrappers,  then defending the campaign as so obviously not true that its actually funny.  It would probably improve their sales to the BNP.

In December 1981 most of the 1000 or so pupils turned up at my school during the snowy week,  only a few teachers managed to get to school. 

SLACKERS!   

The story was very similar to the current snow-stopped-school.   Except that the current snow brings the country to a standstill crisis because parents are having to stay at home to look after their kids,  in 1981 the kids stayed at the closed school and thrashed the proverbial ski-pants of each other.

In 1981 the few, local, teachers who turned-up organised mass snowball fights between academic years.  In this photo the 3rd year students on the right hand side are advancing on the 2nd year students who are bravely running away to the left. 

RUNAWAY! 

The third year won thier foray.  I was in the 6th form.  The 5th year thoroughly squished snow down our necks, up our not insubstantial noses and in our pants,  jolly good fun it was too.  Hot scrumpy all round,  Hoorah!

an autobiographical Novel of Teri Hien’s early life in Eastern Washington State that I picked up at the Spokane Museum shop on an excellent weekend vacation

Recommended for people that interested in US social and political history from personal, first hand stories. 

3 smiles:  Ratings explained

Atomic?  The proximity to the Hanford, former nuclear, site that supplied the plutonium for the Manahattan project.  The most radio-active contaminated site in the US.  An American hero of WW2 and the villain.

Right? Stories of the countryside,   pioneer farmers settling and farming the rich lands of Eastern Washington with horses and tractors,  Stories of community and local Native Americans.  Funny and poignant

The wrong place? Downwind of Hanford, the downwinders.  The building of the plant, the management of waste and information about that waste, the cancers experienced by family and neighbours,  the deaths.  Sad and disturbing.

Bloodshed pronounced in a received accent sounds like Bristolian pronunciation of Budget

there will be budget so wear a flack jacket

 In 1978 I was witnessing the dramatic emotional rollercoaster’s and soap operas stories of my friends while they discovered ‘going out’ with each other. Fascinating. Tearful toilet consultations, betrayals in the school playground, ambushing at the school gates, but worst of all for me – underwear became important. One girlfriend took me aside to provide worldly advice on behalf of my concerned girlfriends. The advice was:

Wendy, you really should wear a bra, they look a disaster

At home I asked mum ‘can I have a bra?’, ‘yes dear, if you want’. Gosh that was easy. We went to the local M&S  where they measured the relevant pasts of my body and I tried on several ‘ ‘training’ bras. Training because evidently I needed to practice bra wearing skills. Even the smallest training bra was less that half empty on me. It seemed silly, mum and I persisted in this pubescently significant purchase, neither of us overtly questioning the need. I wore the elasticated mini-monstrosity to school. At school the straps were twanged by all sundry as we moved between classes. I didn’t wear it again. ‘Disaster’ was a less painful experience than strap-twang-burns Ever since then I have regularly failed carefully provided training-to-be-female exercises.

Jilted John sang Jilted John the ‘B’ side was ‘going steady’ (with Susan)

Wendy: do your eyelids sweat before you cry?

Wendy: Yes! they do, how did you know?

Wendy: I felt it

Wendy: bizarre