Yorkie is not WISE

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This is the first in a series, YAY   A SERIES!   of   Wednesday Wendy Experience Survey  reports,   bringing you the scores on the doors on products and services that could affect your happiness and health.    

A recently published scientific  study gives preliminary indications that Yorkie bars are a consumer health risk when they scored a shockingly low* 23% on the Wendy International Standard for Experiences (WISE).      People in possession or a Yorkie bar should return it to the point of sale and seek a refund with compensation for emotional distress.

Study summary:

An expert Wendy** was given a Yorkie bar then observed while she conducted an end-to-end*** experience assessment covering

  • unwrapping
  • chunk-breaking
  • eating

The Wendy was observed completing the above actions than interviewed while completing the WES ©â„¢ questionnaire (below) by placing an X on the line in a position that  best described her experiences::

Absolutely Fabulous

—————–X–

Crappy

Cover-it-with-a-brown-bag ugly

-X——————

purrrrrrr-rity  

                                   Just what I need

—————-X—

Don’t see why I’d want to use it

You’d have to pay ME to use it

X——————-

Take all my cash, and credit, NOW!

Squeeze, stroke, and lickable

—————-X–

Cooties, don’t touch IT!

Did I brake it or what?

—–X————–

Works a treat                  

I can  use it first time

—-X—————

training-required nightmare

   Snore, Snore, Snore

-X——————

Fun, Fun, Fun

Its  obvious what it was going to do

——–X———–

it was full of surprises

FAFFAUCEP score of 21/90 = 23%

Observations:  

  • Unwrapping.   Successful.     Despite no instructions to talk out loud the Wendy talked out loud about the text on the wrapper.   Unwrapped in  7 seconds.   unwrapping involved no false-starts or error routes.
  • chunk-breaking.    Failure.   After attempting to break a single chunk off the bar with two hands and failing the Wendy resorted to using  the edge of the table to break the first chunk of chocolate from the bar.     Towards the end of the bar the Wendy used her teeth to bite-off single chunks,   this involved an average of 3-bites per chunk.
  • Dunking.   The Wendy added an unaticipated use of the chocolate bar when she tried dunking the bar in her tea between bites.  
  • Eating.   Poor.   we observed sucking (after dunking) and maximum range jaw-movements during chewing.

Quotations:

  • I can think of better ways to exercise my jaw
  • taste like fat with a hint of chocolate
  • OUCH,   that hurt the roof of my mouth

* Any product producing a FAFFAUCEP scores below 30% is provisionall designated a  health hazard by the Wendy International Standard for Experiences (WISE) .

** due to  research funding constraints  the data for this study was provided by one Wendy,  we recommend that at least 5, ideally 10  Wendy’s are used to enhanve the reliability and validity of published results.   We are currently recruiting volunteer Wendy’s to participate in future studies.   You can volunteer by contacting the Wendy House either through a blog post comment or writing directly to Wendy at Whendeee[at]hotmail[dot]com

*** purchase and pooping  process were not included in this assessment and may impact the FAFFAUCEP score either up or down.

Yorkie is not WISE
1 vote rating 4

4 bits of lovely banter on “Yorkie is not WISE”

  1. Tim writes:

    If I understand correctly, the tester was a lady in a moment of early Springtime foolishness , who bravely ignored the wrapper warning signs. I trust that after the gender-breaking illicit use of the Yorkie that there were no unexpected side effects such as growth of facial hair, a liking for checking left or right dressage, speaking in an East German accent and a propensity to win Olympic sprint races.
    All I can recommend is the avoidance of ‘scoring’ any more ‘Yorkie’ from your dealer and a Rehab programme based on Flakes and Dolly Mixtures.

       0 likes

    [reply]

  2. jonathan writes:

    This post made me snort tea over my keyboard. It also made me want a Yorkie, so I’ve just had one.

    It was lovely.

    Great post.

       0 likes

    [reply]

  3. Scarlet writes:

    I haven’t seen a Yorkie bar in the shops… but can I test creme eggs?
    Sx

       0 likes

    [reply]

  4. Kevin writes:

    you were testing apples against pears.

    Yorkie bars aren’t for eating; they’re for wedging in the chassis of white vans so that the doors don’t drop off in transit

       0 likes

    [reply]

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