just a man
Today we listen to internationally* celebrated behaviour therapist Dr. Amelia Prank-Hirst present the key canons of her best selling clinical text book on effective handling techniques for your pet human male – ‘he’s just a man’
This lecture was performed for a small group of international psychiatrists and legal specialists in the back garden of Doctor Prank-hirst’s modest wooden wendy house on the outskirts of downtown Stockholm. The meeting is more commonly known as the ‘Stockholm stand summit’ (SSS).
From this lecture we learn that men
- are irrational (hard to understand). We are advised not to waste time trying to make sense of the complete gobbledegook that pet males are prone to spew.
- have trouble standing up and require physical props. Pet owners have tried many kinds of physical props but the most effective prop is the pet owner themselves. I was particularly impressed by Dr. Prank-Hirst’s commitment to re-inforcing her hairstyle to add the versatility of extra height to her male-support function.
- should not be aquired for christmas or any other gift-giving ceremony unless you are confident that the recipient has sufficiently strong back-bone and arm-muscles to deal with the male’s unability to stand alone. Several nations at the SSS are considering introducing a pet-ownership licence schemes to ensure owners have the strength to manage a pet man.
- need a nocturnal external heating system. Several heating systems have been proposed. Currently the wood-burning stove is recommended as an excellent souce of renewarble energy. Possession of a heating system is likely to be a requirement for people taking-on pet males in the legislation being developed at the Stockholm summit.
- require love. There has been some debate around the nature of love that is required by male pets, with specialists proposing that food, alcohol, TV remote control constitues the necessary basics and the provision there-of could be described as ‘love’.
I’m sure we’ve all seen the results of these simple behavioural support guidelines not being followed by owners of males – gangs of men wandering the streets at night, shivering, falling over, hanging around in fast-food joints and pubs.
Tammy Wynette sang stand by your man
January 18th, 2010
I am grateful for this insight into ‘man’. I shall endeavour to put it into practice with M. DeFarge, albeit from a distance. I wouldn’t want to get close to my experimental subject.
[reply]
January 18th, 2010
from a distance isn’t standing by, M DeFarge may well fall over, can you take that risk for the sake of international research?
[reply]
January 18th, 2010
is this why women keep prodding me with clothes props?
[reply]
January 19th, 2010
Kevin, most probably, it’s when they get their pink-holstered Tazers out that you should start to worry
[reply]
January 21st, 2010
again??
[reply]
January 21st, 2010
Ha! This is why one of my shoulders is lower than the other; I have been mistaken as an arm rest.
Sx
P.S Can you do sketches of all of us?
[reply]
January 21st, 2010
Scarlet: she has of me. *And* coloured it in!
[reply]
January 21st, 2010
If given a picture to draw from, or a meet-up I can thumbnail size sketch people for sure. I like your scarlet blue picture.
If you
1) make an account at this service http://en.gravatar.com/
2) upload a photograp you want to show everywhere with an email address as your ID
3) verify that you can log into that email address
then you can put your own picture up.
Then after a little while it will show up on my blog and other blogs
Anyway, there’s cherry madiera cake to be eaten, gotta go
[reply]