wendy house

Please turn on the taps with care as the pressure is quite high

high pressure:   lots of complicated concepts in this message. Do children have a concept of ‘water pressure’ do they know what ‘high’ and ‘low’ water pressure are?   By contrast a message like “Water comes out of the tap fast” is much more descriptive of the experience of turning the tap.  

with care:   what does it mean to turn on a tap with care?   should I use a cloth incase the handle falls off?    Do they mean that the tap is greased up and turns really fast?   Because  I know what high water pressure can do from experience and from physics classes  I know that the best strategy is to ‘turn the tap slowly’.   Maybe they mean that if you turn the tap on using normal torque the water will spray all over you and the bathroom floor.   What fun!

To prompt the desired user behaviour the sign could become

Please turn the tap on slowly

With the possible explanation of the consequence.   Though addition of this is an invitation to people who like splasshing, YAY, to turn the tap fast for fun. Hoorah!   Can you guess what I did?

to stop water from splashing outside the sink

As every modern person knows, a gimlet in your handbag is easily worth more than three pairs of tweazers in the back pocket.  

Never leave home without this little powerful, versataile essential

The UK’s National Bullying Helpline (Charity) cited  number 10 Downing Street as being a place where  the bullying of 4 staff members happened.   Who did it?   The main assumption appears to have been that the Prime Minister is a bully.  

The reaction of members of the labour party to the accusation of bullying at 10 downing street probably demonstrates something of British attitudes toward bullying.     I’m not impressed.    These are the  responses I’ve heard so far.

• Not me.   Gordon Brown is my friend, he’s never bullied me.   The most common response from Labour party members.
• Not Witnessed.     I’ve never seen or even thought of  Gordon bullying anyone.    For example, the BBC  reports Alan Johnson as saying “ in 17 years he had “never” heard Mr Brown raise his voice”.   The Telegraph  cites Ed Balls as saying “I’ve known Gordon Brown for 20 years and at no point has it ever occurred to me that Gordon Brown is or would ever be a bully”
• Honest behaviour.   I’d rather be lead by a real person who has weaknesses and shows them than by someone calmly insincere. For example, part of this argument is illustrated by the Telegraph  citing Gordon’s wife Sarah as saying “‘What you see is what you get”   While this is not the dominant discourse it has been expressed by several individuals and news papers.
• Expected behaviour. Gordon’s got a tough job, tensions run high, he cares about what he does, people should expect that he’s going to loose his temper and shout sometimes.
• Desired behaviour. Bully’s have the qualities to be exceptional leaders you don’t want a wuss leading the country.   For example, the Telegraph  cites Ed Balls as saying “constituent…     …would say he gets things done, he is tough, he is a leader, and that’s what we need.’“
• Desired behaviour. Supporters actually demonstrating that bullying behaviour is acceptable. For example, in the Telegraph:   ”I think this attack on him by this prat of a woman down in – where’s she from, Swindon? – I think that’s backfiring on her”

The BBC is one of the few sources that mentions Downing Street’s processes for dealing with bullying, calling it “rigorous” but providing no evidence of the process or rigor.  

I’ve set up an anti-bullying hotline for the fluffballs but they still persist, Sampo ambushes Matrix on her way to the food bowl and Matrix pushes Sampo out of all the best sleepy spots.   My rigorous processes have failed to ameliorate the problem.

I’m boring.

I know I’m boring.

I keep a note book and make a note every time someone tells me I’m boring.

Everyday people tell me I’m boring.

Without a job,   I dont have enough money to go anywhere or do anything.   All I can be is boring.   I’ve tried being interesting but it didnt work.   I tried wearing interesting clothes. People just laughed at me and threw tomatoes. I am boring, that is who I am.

My days are all the same.   I’ve lived here all my life. I dont have anything to talk about.  

Last Thursday morning someone painted the word boring on my garage door.  They are right. What can I say?  I know I’m boring

Even the librarian told me I’m boring

happy frog: how are you feeling?

chess master: pretty stiff, actually

happy frog and wendy: [silence with growing smiles]

chess master: its not that I don’t find you two ladies attractive

happy frog and wendy: [laugh out loud}

chess master: it’s just that I’ve been playing badminton…

double-negatives can be hard to understand and fun to play with

During the recent snow, cars moved very, very slowly and often moved into unintended places with slow, steady momentum.

It’s difficult to forget the world while shivering.  Its worth a try.  Getting a good wood burning stove is also worth a try

snow patrol sang chasing cars

Before the Anti Social Behaviour Order (ASBO) their was nuisance.  

Along with murder, marriage and adultary (not necessarily in that order) people would commit nuisance.   They still do.  

.

Ordering food in a pub while sat  on a stool at  the bar, during  the Wales-Scotland  six nations match

wendy: can I have a burger?

publican: I’m not serving food

wendy: When I came in I asked,   And  the man who gave me the menu said that you are serving food

publican: well those guys want to eat too so I suppose I could put the oven on

publican: is there just you?

wendy: I came in alone,   is that alright?

publican: where are you sitting?

wendy: here, is that alright?

I wasn’t made to feel welcome, until I left to a wave of hearty cheerios

drinker: how much is that?

publican: a nicker

drinker: how much is that?

publican: a nicker (giggles), a pound to you

The wendy house has spent 4 years together with wordpress. This is one of the longer technology-service relationships that I’ve participated in.  

Still feels good

Happy valentines day

Aquaintance: you are looking really lythe, you’ve lost a lot of weight* since I last saw you, what diet are you on?

Small Business Owner (SBO): the poverty diet

Aquaintance: [silence]

SBO: eating one meal every three days is a sure way to quickly  get really lythe

A  birdbath, not fit for purpose.   Purchased at Wyevale garden centres in November, showed cracks in December, fell apart in Januray, returned to Wyevale in February.

After patient waiting for, gently assertive haggling with,  Wyevale staff.   They eventially raised their offer from nothing  because I was returning it  ’outside the 28 day return period ‘ to  a paltry  refund of the current sale, half the original, price in vouchers.  I settled believing  this pathetic show did less than Wyevale is  required to do by law and very glad to get away from them.

Wyevale - not recommended for garden furniture.

In the foyer of Reading’s downtown  homebase an Owl collects donations for a rescue and sanctuary.   Big, beautiful, fluffy owl with efficient looking talons.   The handler talks about giving young criminals lessons in how to look after owls.   How this  skill and responsibility enables them to develop self esteem and respect for others

A gift of croci sent from a flower provider with a message indicating they are ‘commemorating’ my birthday.   It’s jolly nice recieving some flowers with a message of hope. Though at the risk of splitting gray hairs I’d rather celebrate, than commemorate, my birthdays passed

the sound of the subway phone

John Foxx sang underpass

Spoilt for choice in a local antiques shop

Picking a plain wrought iron poker for the to-be-installed over-hyphenated wood-burning stove

Breathing-in was required to walk between the goodies.    The tiny antiques shop brimmed with lovely practical gadgets. It was like walking through a museum store room. There were leather straps for sharpening razors, there were  copper kettles and iron flat irons. I was lucky to get out of the shop having bought only a poker

My self-control can be utterly astounding

Paul from warm interiors popped round to look at the Wendy House’s wooden roof  beams.   When the fireplace is opened-up to install the woodburning stove Paul  will be making a fireplace opening lintel from oak to match the roof beams.  The lintel will have bolts and hooks like the original (circa 1845) beams.   Excitement levels are on their way up in the Wendy House.

The urban dictionary attributes my singleness to my name:
1) Intellectually attractive woman.
2) Physically attractive woman.
3) Emotonally attractive woman.
4) Attractivve in all 3 major ways, yet not you are condemned to be ‘just friends’

Person A: Oh man, she’s perfect!
Person B: Oh yeah? So are you guys dating ow what?
Person A: Nah man, she’s a total Wendy….ya know?
Person B: suxx0rz 2 b u l4m3r!!!11

Would ‘Person A’ please un-anonymise themselves…

Pippa: I’ve pdf’d my desktop

IT Wiz: Yep,   I’ve never seen anyting like it, I’ll have to take your computer away,   after I”ve looked-at Wendy’s computer

wendy:   LOOK! my computer is a large shiny black thinkpad thingy see

IT Wiz: that’s not the type of look-at I meant

wendy: what does pdf’d your desktop mean?

IT Wiz: clicking on any executible opens as a pdf

wendy: Pippa, you genious! how’d you do that?

Pippa:   I think I put my elbow on the keyboard when I was making a phone call

wendy: I’d quite like to pdf a few people’s desktops, can I borrow your elbow?

IT Wiz:   WENDY. Calm down

chatty person: I’m waiting to start talk therapy. I’m not sure if they’ll want to talk with me

wendy:  [silence]

It’s beautiful

This weekend my gimlet helped me get dozens of flush screws in the woodshed

What was once  a flat pack is now a full 3 dimenisonal experience with an asphalt roof.   No avatar necessary,   just a black and decker power drill, tape measure, tacks, hammer and the essential gimet