no compromise
but I love you
Sceptically I watch your eyes brimming with tears, marvelling at your apparant ability to turn the waterworks on when it suits you. Remembering the other times I’ve seen you cry, now seeing these tears with a new lens. In ths moment I am the cold person. Respecting your request not to touch you, I watch you cry, listen to your implores
you are the only girl I will ever love, I will love you for ever, you will still be as beautiful when you’re in your 90′s wearing a silly hat and quirky clothes. There is no-one else for me, please don’t leave me
In my arrogance I find your words believable, if a little confusing. A day earlier and I would have accepted your words at face value, thrown my arms round your neck and showered you with kisses.
Today I wonder if you have mistaken loving me with your ability to manipulate me to suit your wonts. Is what you really love, having a quirky trainable pet? Could my role in your life be replaced by a chow chow? I try not to smile at the thought of you parading a chow chow at your business bankers social events. Smiling at inappropriate times has occassionally gotten me into trouble. Maybe there is a practical deal we can do that will work for both of us
I want the freedom to be happy, to love unselfconsciously with the whole of my being. If I am free to find a lover then I could remain living with you as a friend
The offer was not acceptable, a discrete affair was not an option. Even with your face glazed in brine you remain an uncompromising negotiator. Left with the choice of
- staying in celebacy to avoid your tears and align with your concept of love, or
- leave and risk finding both happiness and a recognisable expression of love
Still a suprisingly difficult decision, again I chose the risk of happiness over the certainty of your controlling, cold, love
November 30th, 2010
I can only imagine how difficult the choice might be to make. Yet it was a necessary choice. I adore the phrase ‘Even with your face glazed in brine’ that really jumped out of the screen at me.
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November 30th, 2010
HF&I, thank you, that’s also my favourite sentence in the piece.
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November 30th, 2010
Faced with that choice, I think the right one was made. You are so much more than a chow chow. You haven’t got a purple tongue either I suspect.
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December 1st, 2010
Mme Defarge, many thanks, I’ve got a purple hat and fluffy coat, but they wont help me win Krufts
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