Amelia pulls it off!

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At the Chipping Sodbury finishing school for young ladies of good stock Mrs Thompkinson-Smythe’s ‘Floral Art and Table decor” course skills had transformed the graduation Marquee into a heavenly garden.  Amelia Penrith-Perkington steps up to the Dahlia festooned podium to recieve the class graduation award for “Lady most likely to Marry an Arabian Prince”. Alemia’s successful final year project in International Etiquette and Arabic stock had given her the edge over Maria Fountaine-Diddly who’s sister had already bagged a Shiek. We see a flash of red from the underside of Amelias 4 inch heals confirming that she has chosen just the right pair for the occassion. Like a lipizzaner she gently swings her mane (24 shades of honey blonde) removing strands from her eyes and the hinges of her Jackie Onassis sunglasses.

Despite being under canvas  Amelia keeps her Jackie O’s balanced pertly on her nose to hide the unexpected bruises from the recent cornea-corrective surgery.  She hopes her fellow students, and tutors, will forgive her for this little faux-pas. Failing to use the Jackie O’s as an alice-band to hold hair away from her face is a level 1 style error. Terribly middle class.  She regrets that the eye-corrective surgery happened so soon before graduation, but it really did have to happen before her coming out party. Relying on an emergency back-up pair of spectacles for  unanticipated contact-lense catastrophes just isn’t acceptable now that she’s nearly 18.

Amelia winces as she recalls how her hair had betrayed her last summer by flicking a contact lense from her left eye while riding in Al-amir Sagria’s Jaguar XKR convertible.  This had not been a problem on the drive to Newquay. Unfortunately, when they arrived at Jamie Oliver’s ‘Fifteen Restaurant’ Amelia had used the wall mounted urinals in the Gentlemans washrooms as a hand basin. Not an ideal way to prepare for the first course of moule mariner. Puking on the champaign ivory leatherette seat covers, just before Honiton, had not made for an idyllic end to the evening. Like silent lightening the Shieks people replaced the car. Amelia released a sigh, without letting her shoulders drop, at the thought that these traumas were now behind her.

As she turned to the podium Amelia caught a glimpse of the Govenor, Mrs Burke-Forster, texting! During the acceptance speech! Luckily, Mrs Burke-Foster finished her message before the applause and wolf whistles from some bizarre local people draped across the school boundary walls outside the Marquee, had stopped.

It gives me great pleasure….

Another writing exercise focusing on using another person’s voices. This time, imitating the style of another writer. I hope people who know the writer I am imitating will recognise the style 🙂
Amelia pulls it off!
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8 bits of lovely banter on “Amelia pulls it off!”

  1. Lucien Modo writes:

    The pretender? Or La Brazil herself?

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    wendy writes

    grandaughter of the 3rd cousin twice removed (once re-intated) from the Austrian line

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  2. Scrobs writes:

    Hilarious! This provides instant recall to the speech days of old, with gently perspiring Headmistresses and grumbling underlings (possibly underthings), handing out awful books for such tests as ‘Best Underwater Motorhead Impression’, or coming second in a ‘Bean-bag-on-head race’!

    And the band played on too…

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    wendy writes

    Beanbag on head race! Even with a 30 sec start time advantage to compensate for my outstandingly shiny hair (low beanbag friction quotient) I still managed to fall over more often than the average racer. Never won that race. I’ve had more success perspiring.

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  3. Scarlet writes:

    24 shades of honey blonde? She would be better off with L’Oreal Recital Preference, 5.35 Madras.
    Anyhow, I don’t think anyone will guess your inspiration… but the person who inspired you is probably very happy!
    Sx

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    wendy writes

    🙂 Spiralling inspiration, today I’m reading artiles in the ‘Chipping Sodbury Gazette’ as a fabulous source for another post. Local newspaper journalis, gotta love it!

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  4. FJ writes:

    sounds very much like Jilly Cooper to me! Loving the blog Wendy – mostly lurker but regular reader

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    wendy writes

    Loyal lurkers are a scribblers delight! You’re not alone FJ 🙂 thanks for temporarily un-lurking with the flattering comparision to Jilly Cooper, I see what you mean!

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