I met a real GIRL

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The flashing fairy lights above her head revealed a deep pink highlight to her long, gently curling, raven hair. Watching her unnatural colours in the flashing light had a fascinating quality like watching the flames in an open fire. Her dress was the uniform of the masses of young girls I see in the shopping centres – a hint of a skirt from which emerge thick black tights tucked into biege Ugg boots

She held the kitchen party’s conversational court. Either side stood a woman at least twice her age oriented towards her as-if basking in the glow from the jewels of pink light reflected from her hair. I resisted the temptation to curtsey as I moved forward to introduce myself to the group. Once introductions were finished she continued to chatter vivaciously

girl: In our new house we’ll need a small room that’s just for my clothes – a walk in wardrobe really. I’ve got 70 pairs of shoes

I AM a girl!

wendy (dumbstruck, then): in a whole year you only need wear the same pair of shoes 7 times, at that rate, they will last for years!

girl (proudly):¬† oh yes! I started work at a fashion house in London 2 months ago and I haven’t worn the same pair of shoes twice¬† yet

wendy (trying not to sound sarcastic): a fashion house? that does sounds stylish, what exactly do you do there?

girl: I’m an events coordinator, basically its about making a fuss, I make sure that the fuss happens at the right time and place

(group giggling)

wendy: are you looking for a place to store your shoe collection in London?

girl: yes, I went to cheltenham college. I just love cheltenham, but it’s too far away from London to commute

wendy: Is London an expensive place to live?

girl: Mummy’s buying the house, aren’t you mummy? so it’s quite cheap really

If she was any less sincere she’d be auditioning for a lead part in Absolutely Fabulous

I met a real GIRL
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8 bits of lovely banter on “I met a real GIRL”

  1. Kay Guest writes:

    Perhaps if you don’t have enough interests in life, you collect shoes instead.

    Before I forget, I love your anti-spam words, they make me laugh.

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  2. FJ writes:

    anti-spam word [removed by wendy – play nicely rule 7] very appropriate I think.

    Cheltenham is full of these “girls” who all think that a Fashion House is the only place to work and that houses grow on trees or appear on their 21st birthdays.

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  3. wendy writes:

    I’ll stock up on the anti spam words and see if I can uncover some more and varied real girls…

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  4. Grumps writes:

    First of all – Yayy! I got ‘[removed by wendy – for violating play nicely rule #7]’ as my anti-spam word. How did you know it was me?

    And secondly – actually houses do magically appear for Cheltenham Girls on their 21st birthdays, following the magical cars on their 17th, and an appropriate length of time before magical husband Ken on their 25th.
    These are the people I feel quite sorry for in these stressed economic times. The cars and houses and Kens will stop and wtf are they to do when the chill wind of reality huffs and puffs at their door?

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    wendy writes

    Grumps, Glad you liked your spam word! I tried to add ‘cumeuppance’ to my spam words but the system wouldn’t let me do it… I suspect the system knows that cheltenham girls and Kens dont actually read my wedsite so the personal relevance of my spam word would be wasted…

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  5. James Sutherland writes:

    Grumps: Wow, “[removed by wendy – for violating play nicely rule #7]” isn’t even a word, it’s a whole phrase, did you have to type the square brackets exactly? I just got a rather cute-sounding and quintessentially English word rhyming with griddle but aptly starting with P…

    I imagine ‘comeuppance’ is a bit too long for the little box, given the formatting tricks applied to make it harder for bots to ‘read’ with OCR. The real irony here is that most of the spammers I encounter spamming a web forum are trying to post links relating to Ugg boots.

    Cheltenham is indeed terrifyingly expensive – around a thousand pounds per term more than my own. Considering one of my contemporaries had a name starting with “Prince”, that’s expensive.

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    wendy writes

    James, I may have to update rule 7 so that I can remove cheeky, indirect publication of the spam words, like yours….

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    Grumps writes

    James Sutherland – my aspam rhymed with honking and could be said to describe a horn, of sorts. It had a priapic tone which I took a shameless male pride in.
    I dare not question its removal and replacement by Wendy for fear of violating Rule 6.

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