I’m more aware of your presense now

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Stickers on the back of Dad's carI take out the bins at the Wendy house, I think of dad because he always took out the bins at home, it was his job. Not an activity that prompted this thought during his life.

I go to the local Chinese take-away for some lovely food, I think of Dad because he liked to treat mum to a Chinese take-away meal on Friday night. I smile. Not an activity that prompted this thought during his life.

Goodness, so many things prompt thoughts that affirm who dad was, things he did. I notice the way I stand when I’m listening to a story, I stand like dad. I’d never noticed before. I hear my voice as I laugh and I hear the faint echo of his intonation. I never noticed while he was alive.

I welcome these spontaneously intrusive thoughts, they are beautiful intrusions, it’s as if my mind is trying to let me know how alike we are, how together we’ll always be. It’s saying,

“don’t worry, you have always been together and you always will be. He’s part of you”

The thoughts often arrive when I’m in the company of others. I say nothing and let the thought roll. I suspect my continually adding “My dad used to…..” to conversations would upset and begin to bore the people I’m talking with. With family it’s different, mumsie happily chatters about dad which I find comforting and I happily join in. My brothers are relatively silent on the topic, their silence makes me suspect they are finding the experience more painful than I.

I’m more aware of your presense now
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3 bits of lovely banter on “I’m more aware of your presense now”

  1. Scarlet writes:

    Beautiful post, Wendy.
    Sx

       1 likes

    [reply]

  2. Simon writes:

    Hi Wendy –

    It’s over 20 years since my Dad died, and things like this still happen to me.

    I rather like it, though!

    All the best –

       1 likes

    [reply]

  3. wendy writes:

    Heart warming to know these thoughts will stay with me – thanks for sharing Simon!

       0 likes

    [reply]

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