:: The Wendy House ::

The strangest things can happen to an unaccompanied girl,

of an evening, 

in Reading.

Marmite binge is just one hazard that effects even the most un-pregnant of people.

Approaching Peterborough train station.

A small lady with fake-blond hair drawn tightly against her head by a short pontytail mutters ’scum scum scum’ under her breath as she rises.  I can barely hear the chink of her three large, gold, hooped earings dancing together over the sound of flirting and empty high spirits from passengers further down the carriage. ’We love Leeds’ 

They all alight at Peterborough.

A sleeping passenger on the other side of the isle wakes,  pukes half digested pringles on the seat next to him,  places a newspaper over the puke then goes back to sleep.  Another passenger pulls his scarf up over his nose and buries his head deeper in his book while hugging a guitar case.

things are hotting up in preparation for my 45th birthday celebrations,  hotting up with Milk, Lemsip, Brandy and Horlicks, though not necessarily in that order…

‘one over the eight’ is defined by a UK phrases website as ‘the drink that renders you drunk’. 

My one over the eight is actually number 3 with weak beer  (under 4.5% alc.)  with Liquor my one over the eight is drink number 2. 

These non-trivial life-style details have caused the normally supportive Excel to get a mardy on because 9 does not equal 2 or 3.

One night before my holiday,  after drinking Stanlake Park champagne in the company of extremely charming, senior, neighbours,  I discovered the potential benefits of a champagne-induced dreaming.  Obviously these are only preliminary findings prior to systematic investigation.  The preliminary findings are looking good.  The dream qualities included but were not limited to:

• warm squishiness. 
• high memorability.
• good mood inducing.

7am on our non-sailing day on Ios while the rest of the crew slept  I found some deliciously freshly baked pain au chocolate in the port Bakery.  The merchandising of bakery goods at this early (late?) hour implies some party island requirements.

All day large ferries docked in the harbour and hundreds of young adults with backpacks and wheely-suitcases rolled on and off.

Not a euphemism for light sabres. 

Also known in the US as ‘Energy bars’.  Not a way of describing the throughput of electricity to an electronic device. 

High sugar-content (energy) biscuits in a bar shape marketed in the US as a lifestyle accessory for highly active people (Walkers, cyclists, etc).  Similar products in the UK appear to be marketed as breakfast bars and stocked next to the breakfast cereals in supermarkets.  I suspect they are breakfast replacements for fast-moving executives, children and aspiring anorexics. 

I’m trying a few as possible lifestyle accessories for my GREEK SAILING HOLIDAY.  Huuuuurrrraaaahhhhh!

A local Holland and Barratt shop lured me in with this ‘Love bar’.  I subsequently discovered that the advertising is naughty because Gillian McKieth cannot legally call herself a Doctor in the UK.  Her Dr. qualification is reportedly from a correspondence course with a non-acredited US University.  The Guardian reported on her naughty non-truths and misleading product information back in 2007.  In 2008 she’s still using the title Dr. on product packaging and making questionable claims about their ‘health’ impact…  

Nestled in a quiet backstreet on the traffic island that is created downtown by the (A4) one-way system (London and Kings Roads) is this pleasant suprise.  The Eldon Arms. 

Midweek the inside the Eldon Arms was packed with the Ladies darts teams.  The garden also looked pretty busy judging by the glasses returned to the bar by the very polite Reading University Agricultural students who had graduated earlier that day.   I didn’t notice any music,  there was a quiz (gambling) machine near the bar but no-one using it.

I tried the Henry’s Original IPA (3.6 ABV).  Well kept, tasty and sufficiently weak for me to quoff 2 pints after work midweek.  Result!  Certainly an improvement on the more shop-purchasable ubiquitous, similar strength, Boddingtons. 

Upon hearing of my expedition to this hostelry a local celebrity wrote:

hear you are paying a visit to the Eldon Arms. Good choice! It’s a lovely little old-fashioned backstreet pub, traditional and with friendly staff. I’m told that Anne and Brian are Reading’s longest-serving landlady and landlord, although I’m sure Bernie and Jane at The Retreat (a short stroll from The Eldon) are also hot contenders for this title.

The Eldon Arms is a Wadworth tied pub, so the selection of beers is mostly restricted to this brewery, but the choice is fine within this range and well kept. My favourite is Bishop’s Tipple, but at 5.5% ABV it’s not to be chugged too quickly! If you’re after something lighter and more summery, try the Horizon. Avoid Pint-Size Mild, if they have it, unless you like mild; personally, I don’t get on with it and this West Berks brew is a good reminder of why

I used to visit this pub frequently on a Wednesday night for their pub quiz, in the days when I worked at the Prudential and had the luxury of rolling in at 10 the next morning. Now I have to drive to south Oxfordshire for 8:30am I don’t go so often! Their quiz is quite a different experience from The Lyndhurst one as it is set and presented by the person who won it last week! It’s a bit like the Eurovision Song Contest in that respect. I’ve won it a couple of times and it’s quite fun to set it, as long as you have a fairly clear week and plenty of time to put it together! I’ve also deliberately pulled back to second place at least once to avoid having to set it when I knew I hadn’t the time! I really must go again soon

Well, that’s all I have. Feel free to ignore all of the above if you want to enjoy the experience of visiting with no preconceptions. However, if you’re reading this sentence then it’s probably too late

Happy pubbing

Obey the person running the pub quiz,  no matter how enbriated they are,  how imprecise their questions are,  how innacurate their answers are.  By all means heckle and lobby them,  but remember its just a pub quiz not a defining statement on your intellect. 

This BBC article describes the cultural experience of pub quizzes in a slightly mythicalised manner,  it quotes a quiz attendee as saying:

 I took two American friends to a quiz once and they thought it was some sort of registered insanity, they just didn’t get it at all

One recent Sunday afternoon the neighbours, local Reading celebrities,  and a gal from West Sussex dropped by to warm the wendy house over lashings of tea and cake.  A jolly civilised affiar with a little bit of dribbling.  During the goings-on I discovered many useful facts including:

-  a local granny can climb the walls to escape from a locked cemetry after dusk.

-  the Wendy House was converted from a garage in 1968 partly explaining the dangerous staircase.

-  my nieghbours have lived all over the world - Kenya, Italy, India, Edinburgh before settling in Reading.  Excellent company.

-  the Readibus preferred gift to welcome a newcomer is a bottle of wine.

- the bath works best for a person under 5ft 2 (as do the stairs).

- house numbers evolve.  One person’s home had evolved from without number to  number 4 then number 2… 

I suspect I missed some real news treats while in the Kitchen warming the pots,  I wonder what other goodies these people are going to share with us in the upcoming years….

A discussion amongst a group of people on when they could coordinate going to the Reading CAMRA festival included one American.  The American seemed a little suprised that the default assumption was that if there are lots of different beers to be tasted then the result would most likely be a certain level of annebriation,  this astute observation about beer consumption was summarised as: 

You Brits have no sense of moderation

also known as

 ‘why I’m never buying a kebab from there ever again’

‘BYB’ (Bring your own bucket)

‘almost enough to put a nice girl off a nice cup of Tea’  (6 different pint mugs full were promptly returned to the mug.  I have to say I was somewhat proud of managing to capture them in the mug)

While in the US I was served beer in all sorts of different shaped and size glasses and some germanic mugs.  I was never served beer or Ale in a beer mug  of the particular short-fat proportions with characteristic concave sections in the glass that is commonly found in UK pubs.  Last night at a post-work birthday drinky session we all tucked into beer served in classic English beer mugs.  Yummy.

unsuprising:  “would you like a beer?”

unforgivably suprising:  “I just need to pop out to the corner store and pick-up some beers”

The conversation in the Borough of Camden off new Oxford St. near Tottenham Court Road paused for a meditative moment while the sugar caramelised over the absinth then the Perrier water mixed with the sugar.

I treasure these simple exotic moments.

according an an American friend, a few Brits I’ve asked and Gary Lineker the crisps here are impressive.

I lost half a stone while living in the US and my shoe-size mysteriously dropped from UK size 7 to 6.  No more with the fat-feet! 

Can you guess why I lost this weight and how long before I revert to my pre-US, UK, sizes? 

US people visiting UK fast food outlets may discover deep-fried potato rock-cakes that are served-up under the name of hash-browns.

Outside St Marys Butts,  after wandingring around the Saturday market in search of a little refreshment in Pavlov’s dog

Wendy:  do you have any dark ales?

Barboy: we don’t have any ales,  we’re a student pub

I moved on without buying anything and turned-up in Zero Degree’s Microbrewery.

Wendy:  do you have any dark ales?

Barboy:  we’re a Microbrewery,  we brew our own

Wendy:  do you have any dark ales?

Barboy:  We have Pilsners

Wendy:  No.  Pilsner a light beer, a lager, do you have any dark ales?

Barboy:  We have India Pale Ales.. its like a Bitter…

Wendy (getting desperate):  Yes,  Bitter,  I love Bitter,  what Bitters do you have?

Barboy:  We have a special Apple and Cinnamon Bitter.

Wendy:  I’ll have a pint of your apple and cinnamon bitter please

  ….when it eventually arrived the Apple and cinnamon bitter was unfiltered,  sickly sweet tasting as if it had been brewed yesterday by a pre-teen for a school technology project which may well appeal to some people.  Not fussy, grumpy, me.  

The 7 Waitstaff that I counted were pleasant enough when they stopped talking to each other and checked-in on their 5 customers,  a table of 4 and myself.  It had the feel of a large chain outlet targetting high turnover rather than quality service,  there was no obvious evidence of employees pride in their skills or the establishment.   My pasta dish was extremely good soft pasta with fresh herbs and creamy sauce…  yummy

what does a girl do of an evening after work?

No kitties at home to pamper me? 

Can you guess? 

Despite living in the Thames Valley down-stream from Tewkesbury my evening activities do not, yet, involve the dodging the local floods,  which appears to be a necessary skill in both the NW US and locally.

Perhaps I should buy some wellies now?

 Things just get water logged when I’m not around to take care of things.  I hope the kitties didn’t get too soggy without me.

Midweek I’m doing the laundry and making other homesy stuff which is not half as much fun as when the kitties are trying to make things not run smoothly.  So I toddled off to check-out one of the local pubs

Wendy:  do you have and dark ales?

Barboy:  Just Newcastle brown and that comes in a bottle.

I’m disturbed.  Every self-respecting British beer drinker knows that Newcastle brown comes in a bottle.  The barboy felt he had to tell me.  Is this because my not quite English accent shows with just the one phrase above?

GADZOOKS! 

There’s me thinking I’d maintained my Englishness through and through and now people are telling me that Newcastle brown comes in a bottle.  I scan the electric taps and pick an ale over a larger

Wendy:  John Smith’s please

Barboy:  that will be two pounds thirty.

I wander off to read my book,  drink my pint,  wonder if I’m geographically unplaceable.

Barboy:  Same again?

Wendy:  I’ll have an Abbots Ale (yummy, I don’t know why he didnt sell this to me first time around)

Barboy:  how did you find us?

Wendy:  I’ve just moved in nearby

Barboy:  where do you live?

Is my luck in?  What’s this all about?  Is knowing that Abbots Ale is the right beer to drink the key to conversational success?

Wendy: Number 13 (blah) road

Barboy:  I live at number 26,  welcome…  …don’t go into the (blah)

BLOODY BLASPHEMY a boy all of half my age just told me his home address,  smiled at me and is being downright friendly.  Gosh,  I remember that happening when I was in my 20’s and 30’s but not in my 40’s.  I think I need to calm down or have a reality check or something.

Wendy:  Oh yeah,  I looked through the windows, it looked rough

Barboy:  I worked there for 2 evenings,  it was EMBARRESSING

at this point I’ll censor the conversation.  Surfice to say it did continue and I do know a little more about my neighborhoood and will be going back to that pub… …which pressumably was the barboys intention…  Should I take flat-eric?  What do you think?

Less than a mile away from the Oracle Mall that does not allow fishing I followed the police dive team along the river Kennet to the Jolly Anglers’ pub where they decided to get out of the water.

Wendy:  I bet its cold in there

Lady:  you couldn’t pay me enough to get in that river

now this is evidence of serious specialising.  A market dedicated to potatoes and a carpark for them too.  P for parking or P for potato?

All cheese is theoretically comfort cheese.  But.  Cheese in YOUR fridge is less comforting than cheese in MY fridge.  Comfort cheese is nearby,  normally in my mouth… …..mmmmmm….   

Eighth report in my ongoing investigations of cheese dream-inducing properties.  

Conclusion  very tasty dream suppressant.

Eating phase for Chimay:  1/6  nights produced dreams.     

Riding around on buses* in Birmingham, UK,  wandering through crowded flea markets watching the shoppers,  down alleyways bordered by red-brick Victorian terraced houses in Birmingham.  I got lost and didn’t know which bus to get on to go home.  So many buses to choose from.  Dreaming about buses,  England and Victorian red-brick terraces adds up to I had a fabulous dream.

Decontamination Phase.  3/3 nights without eating Chimay.  No dreams.

You too can play along at home:  How to play dreamy cheese

* I like riding on buses

Seventh report in my ongoing investigations of cheese dream-inducing properties.  

Conclusion  Mum was right for Stilton.  I recommend not eating Stilton for supper.  Nightly sleep disruption was unusual and unpleasant. The dream content was not substantially different from my normal dream content. The dreams didn’t warrant the ‘unusual’ label given to the female dreamers in a study conducted by the UK  Cheeseboard  where: 85% of females who ate Stilton had some of the most unusual dreams of the whole study.

Eating phase for Stilton:  6/6 nights produced dreams.  Four dream summaries from different nights:

Memory enhancement No storyline. No plot. Less like a dream, more of a vivid lucidly manipulated visualisation.  I remembered my uncle who died 20 years ago talking and laughing in his home.  It was good to see him again and remember the sound of his voice and laughter,  to see the way his whole body shook when he laughed,  to hear him jangling his keys in his pocket just like his brother, my father still does.  I saw him more clearly than I can remember him in waking hours.

Forgotten. All I remember is waking up briefly in the night thinking ‘that was a sad dream,  I must remember it’ then falling asleep again.  When I woke in the morning I couldn’t remember the dream,  just the mood.  

Celebrity Kitchen.  During most of this dream I was in the kitchen of a large Victorian terrace house during with David Bowie creatively exploring the versatility of vegetables and kitchen utenisils. Yummy.  I think it was a party but I didn’t see the other partiers in the house.

Work.  This is a common theme in my dreams during normal working weeks.  This specific variation combined and extended things that happened during the working week. 

Decontamination Phase.  2/2 nights without eating Stilton in the evening produced refreshingly deep sleep where I did not wake during the night or recall any dreams. 

Summary.  Characteristics of Stilton induced Wendy-dreams:

• reliably produced every night. 
• dream mood varied from sad through reflective, serious, to happy.
• Content varied from parties and work to detailed visual experiences.
• remembering the dreams varied from easily recalled detail through to difficult to recall whether I had even dreamed.
• sleep disruptive,  I woke every night,  then fell asleep again fairly promptly.

You too can play dreamy cheese:  How to play dreamy cheese

forty-eighth, and last, in the weekly series of posts collating all sorts of frivolous information about taking tea.

Thursday Tiffin #48: International tea day (not today)

Since 2005 December 15th is international tea day:

International Tea Day to draw attention of governments and citizens on the impacts of tea trade on workers, small growers consumers and the industry. In India, stakeholders including tea related trade unions and small producers recognise international tea day as the event to declare their rights pertaining to wages, livelihood and living conditions. 

Mark your calendars now, because if you’re like me you’ll forget….  

Sixth report in a popular sporadic investigation collecting cheese dream-inducing properties.  

Eating phase for Havarti:  5/6 nights produced dreams.  Dream memories lasted beyond breakfast.  Dreams were based in rare though normal life activities. 

Three outline examples:

Moving office with appearances from colleagues across my 20yrs as a working gal.  The building that we moved into used fireman’s polls as a way to get downstairs.  Reminiscent of ’snakes and ladders’.  Quite a lot of fun was had by all as we unpacked our boxes,  drank lashings of tea, tried the firemans polls and had water-fights.  

Visiting the beach with Flat Eric and a climbing club that included everyone I’ve ever climbed with and some people that I know climb but haven’t climbed with.  Flat Eric did some amazing technical moves on some overhangs then we all went wind-surfing and small dhingy sailing in a Costa-Rica type location.  

Faerie Tour of UK pubs.  In a storyline that could have been produced by a collaboration between Harold Pinter and Alan Bennett my friends and I spent a summer touring real-ale pubs,  Inns,  staying in them and regularly dressing-up as faeries is the evenings.  Some larger fellows look a tad silly when wearing faeries outfits.  My outfit was black and actually maps to many clothes that I have in my closet,  though I don’t have a black tiara and wings.   The dream mainly covered our escapades on tour.  Excellent fun.

Conclusion?  Very nice result.  I’m not publishing a decontamination phase because I plan to stay with Havarti for at least a couple more weeks .

Summary.  Havarti induced Wendy-dreams are:

• very cheerful
• consistently produced.
• exaggerations of pleasant plausible realities.
• persisted into early waking hours memories.
• social events full of actual friends, family and work colleagues from throughout my life.
• excluding wierd morphing of people and things into wierd unfamiliar people and things.

You too can play dreamy cheese:  How to play dreamy cheese

While I was still under 5″6′ Mumzie would regularly remind me

“don’t eat cheese before you go to bed.  It will give you a bad nights sleep and nightmares“   

An informal survey of US people revealed that naught-out-of-three had been given similar advice by their Moms.  Are US Moms unfamiliar with the dreamy properties of cheese or is dreamy cheese a myth?  This post summarises my undercover research studies aimed at revealing the Wendy-dream-inducing characteristics of my favourite nibbles by eating them after 7pm for 7 nights in a week.  Here’s the dirt so far: 

• Normal dreams:  Cream cheese, Stilton
• Forgettable dreams = Brie,  Danish Blue
• Dream suppressant = Soft goats cheese, Edam,  Chimay
• Exaggerating life dreams =  Danish Blue, Havarti
• Dreams of social activites =  Havarti
• Disrupted sleep = Stilton

Everytime I get the inclination to take another cheese under the covers I will update this blog post.  You too can send me the outcomes of your undercover investigations and I’ll publish them here if you play by the official rules detailed in  ’How to play dreamy cheese‘ and show due deference to UK cheeseboard research.

forty-seventh in a series of posts describing the experience of taking tea English style.

Thursday Tiffin #47: practical session

Use the knowledge you’ve gained from the last 46 posts to make yourself a nice relaxing cup of tea.  You know it makes sense.

forty-sixth in a series of posts describing the experience of taking tea English style.

Thursday Tiffin #46: Tea is an attitude

The mission statement on the Blog “Nice cup of Tea and a sit down” captures the attitude exquisitly.  I was particularly taken with their fruitcake serving suggestion developed during their Suffolk cycling tour,  especially since I haven’t

• had any fruitcake for at least a year. 
• been to Suffolk for 7 years.

Oh deary me, that needs fixing.

Nice cup of Tea and a sit down blog Mission statement:

Our Mission Statement

Well I think we should all sit down and have a nice cup of tea, and some biscuits, nice ones mind you. Oh and some cake would be nice as well. Lovely.

Cosmopolitan? thats me!

because I drank a German beer made with the finest organic hemp from a bottle with an English label in a Spanish cafe.   It was all terribly civilised. 

Politeness and respect all around.