:: The Wendy House ::

<soppiness warning>

Just a few of the too numerous to enumerate highlights:

• Gift registry:  www.epilepsy.org.uk & www.simoncommunity.org.uk 
• The bride wasn’t ‘given away’ like chattles,  bride and groom walked down the isle together.
• Isle-walk accompanying music:  You only live twice
• Readings including multiple references to Pooh in A.A.Milne’s ‘us two’  (read by AfH)
• Outstanding vows because they acknowledged each others strenghts and weaknesses and showed love, respect, knowledge of what it takes to make a relationship work and be fun too.  I particularly liked this one:

I promise to allow myself to be silly around you and to enjoy you being silly around me as well.

• 7 Henchman subtly and actively coordinating the smooth running of the event: Oddjob, Mr. Wint, Mr. Kidd, Nick Nack, May Day, Xenia Onatopp, Jaws
• Red wedding dress
• No ‘maids’
• A photobased childrens TV themed Quiz organized by table at the wedding breakfast.
• Bride’s speech toplining the other speeches. 
• Creatively quirky photographer:  http://www.vikmartin.co.uk/
• Local bands at the reception were friends of the Bride and Groom,  some included the Bride or Groom and all played at least one cover version of Bond theme tune,  compared by AFH.
• My yellow-red shot silk hat,  however, the relative lack of hats on other guests was actually a tad disturbing.

Tables were decorated in childrens TV themes, with models and soft toys, and each guest as a character,  I was Soo.  As you can see, even Bagpuss joined the fun.

<soppiness temporarily suspended>

Bros:  he was alright except for the lists

Wendy:  the lists?

Bros:  Yes,  the lists,  you remember how he would make lists all the time for even trivial things?

Wendy:  errr,  yes,  of course,  the lists

It appears that my brother has not yet noticed my pocket-size book of lists that has travelled all over the world (and Reading) with me. Nor has he recognised the intrinsic Wendy-appeal of someone that blazenly employs lists in public.

Kebab Shop Man (KSM):  are you married,  do you have a boyfriend?

Wendy:  No,  never married,  no boyfriend, its a long story…

KSM: I’m not married.  My family are all in Pakistan

Wendy:  You have friends here in Reading?

KSM:  these are my only friends (gestures to the 2 other staff members in the Kebab shop).  I want to get married.  I want an older woman (Looks directly at me)

Wendy:  good luck

Apparantly,  after a ‘bitter’ break-up a girl will drive the boy to a replacement-girl.  This must be because boys are challenged when it comes to driving decisions,  for example:

• what direction to steer the car
• when to use the brakes
• whether they can cope with being single
• who might be a good match for them

I’m extremely impressed by the way ex-girlfriends considerately help decisionally challenged ex-boyfriends.  Good show!

5 ‘winks’ were waiting in my inbox, from the online dating service tonight.   About 500% my normal daily dosage of ‘winks’.  Has the impending US Mom’s day prompted the feeling of a need to find a mommy replacement? 

Synopsis of their dating profiles:

• jb3318: 52yrs. Lives in Washington State. Lenghty profile fits my sterotype of an elderly retired ‘gentleman’.
• badknee: 46yrs. Lives in Washington State.  Opening sentence is “well this is the hard part” the rest is evidence of quite how hard he found it.
• rik777rio: 48yrs. Lives in Montana. Describes himself as a ‘real man’.  Lenghty profile.  No evidence of humour.
• Greatlover424: 43. Lives in Indiana.  4 sentence profile.  Every sentence starts with a lower-case “i”
• Farel931: 45yrs. Lives in New York,  start’s with the ever popular opener “It’s hard to describe oneself…” , then demonstrates how hard it was.

I need to update my profile to reduce unsuitable and increase suitable approaches.  What would you suggest I include and exclude from it?

They all scattered off the plot.  Except one

Wendy:  “How long are your jump leads?”

Guy:  “this long”

Whips them out to demonstrate. Wendy blushes then smiles.  Easily over 10ft of lead.  More than enough to reach LooSea.

Wendy:  “Will you marry me?”

Bouncing and clapping hands with eyes clearly fixed on the jump leads.  Nearly slips on the wet-grass.

Guy: “I don’t think my wife would approve”

eyes focused on his jump leads with no actual jumping.

The rest of the conversation is unpublishable. 

My proposal wasn’t accepted. 

Sigh

Wendy persistently-impulsive

Wendy: ‘…(unpublishable work-related suggestion in email)..”

Potential fiancee:  “Please!! Yes!! Go for it!! Onward!”

Perhaps i should do a few sensible things before I propose like

• wait until I’ve known of the guy for more than 2 days, 
• had more than 1 verbal conversation with him, 
• find out if he’s ‘taken’ or not ‘into’ girls, 
• check his age, height and weight  (meet him)
• fully assess his potential player characteristics

Seems like a more ’sensible’, British reserve, type-thing to do.  Then again I’m not in Britain now.  Maybe I can be ‘racey’?

What do you think?  Advice?

Before it got out of the bag.

Potential fiancee   “the loss adjusters who were due to appraise the damage to my car are running an hour late so we’ll have to reschedule“

Wendy  “Have you got time now?  Can we do this over the phone?”

Potential fiancee “yes sure” (I do sooo love the sound of ‘YES’! He puts me on speaker phone)

Wendy:  “…(unpublishable talk about my job)…”

Potential fiancee “..(Rabid typing and witty comments.  Keeps his loss adjuster waiting 15mins to wrap-up call with me)…” Later that morning I send promised documents to potential fiancee who replies telling me what you already know,  that I ROCK! and providing lots of little juicy promises to make my work life easier.

I could have married him on the spot. 

Company harrassment policy made me think twice about announcing the offer.  I’ll keep it on hold until I’ve worked out if he’s a player

Wendy Easily-pleased

Forth reflection on collective symptoms of what North American’s call a ‘player‘*.  

#4:  Preening

Attention to very specific presentational detail.  Having a well-constructed creative story associated with that preening activity (car, clothes etc). 

Examples:

I shave my chest because people don’t like to look at all that hair

(note that his shirt has to be open to display the chest hair,  or lack there-of.  Could he have been ‘medallion man’ in the 1970s?)

I pluck my eyebrows in the middle of my forhead and trim the excess length otherwise I’d look like a werewolf

(maybe i’m wierd,  but fluffy is good,  and vulpine is worth a big laugh,  BOOM BOOM)

The bra padding is to keep my boobs warm

NO, No, no,  that’s me,  Wendy, I’m not a player…..

Players don’t seem to realise that regular reproduction of self-conciously constructed preening looks suspiciously like vanity and wears-thin with repeated use. 

W what-have-you-noticed?

* No single symptom can lead to a reliable diagnosis of a ‘Player’.  This ‘disorder’ is not yet recognised by the DSM IV.

Third reflection on symptoms of what North American’s call a ‘player‘*. 

#3:  Creative imagination

Ability to construct creative, enticing, plausible opportunities for fun often with implicit escape clauses,  followed by blame redirection to side-step responsibility for blocking realization of those opportunities. 

Examples:

Ooops,  that’s me,  Wendy,  but I’m not a player, really, no I’m not.  NOT A PLAYER. 

Players do not seem to realise that creative, plausible, opportunities for mutual fun cease to be believable when based on a track record that includes liberal applications of escape clauses and blame redirection.

W fascinated-by-players-strategies

* No single symptom can lead to a reliable diagnosis of a ‘Player’.  This ‘disorder’ is not yet recognised by the DSM IV.

Second reflection on symptoms of what North American’s call a ‘player‘*.   

#2:  Implicit escape clause

Providing incomplete information that provides a temporary sense of mutual understanding.  The escape clause is frequently followed by a blame redirection. 

Examples:

I’ll call you later.

escape clause

I never said how much later  

let’s have a curry cook-off

escape clause

When & where are not established

I’ll paint your kitties for you as a Christmas pressie though I may not  finish before Christmas

escape clause

Meaning sometime after Christmas,  which christmas?  2006,  2007?  Urghh,  This was me, Wendy,  I’m NOT a player.  I really meant to finish before February 2006 but things have slipped what with stuff happening at work and all (blame redirection).  I still  you and your Kitties. 

Players do not seem to realise that even when not followed by liberal doses of blame redirection actually using the built-in escape clause to ‘get-out’ makes it an extremely obvious strategy.

W fascinated-by-players-strategies

* No single symptom can lead to a reliable diagnosis of a ‘Player’.  This ‘disorder’ is not yet recognised by the DSM IV.

This is the first in a potential series of reflections on some behavioural rationalization that I believe are symptoms of what North Americans call a ‘player‘. 

#1:  Blame redirection

Repeatedly experiencing plausible problems with technology or services necessary for closing on a promise or reasonable expectation. 

Examples:

that famous online store hasn’t delivered the package I ordered for you.

translates to

I have no intention of putting any effort into getting you any kind of present but I want you to think that I would for as long as I can maintain that premis.  

I never received that email from you (gets passionately indignant about email service provider) 

translates to

I don’t want to answer the questions in that email and I don’t want you to realise i’m avoidng answering them.  I’ll redirect the conversation away from the email content.

I didn’t get your call because my cell phone batteries died

translates to

my cell phone batteries actually did die and I didn’t notice,  no really,  they did,  this was me, Wendy, I’m not a player

Players do not seem to realise the shere volume of these stories they produce relative to ‘normal’ people makes them extremely obvious.

W fascinated-by-players-strategies

Apparantly my scary boobs were just tooooo much for the youngster.  They seem to have totally undermined his ability to dial or text my phone numbers when I’m likely to answer,  reply-send an email to me then prompted him to re-post his online dating profile and actively use it. 

Who would have guessed?  According to Jennifer throwing my panties at him would have produced better results than pointing the booby-dudes at him.

Never under-estimate the power of the booby-dudes,  insulated or not,  they can have far-reaching effects. 

Affectionately known by the brave, and Amadeus, as

Bill and Ben

Wendy:  “am I scary?”

Amadeus:  “If, by scary, you mean dangerous, flirty, unpredictable, quirky, exciting, original, maddening, creative and fun, then yes, you are terrifying… <unpublishable>”

Wendy:  “Grrrrrrr…”  <wearing an insulated bra while clawing the air like a cat-on-a-scratching post>

Pickles:  <looking directly at Wendy’s boobs>  “I’m not a big boob man,  those are quite big“

Wendy:  “they’re ‘B’ the rest is mainly bra-padding to keep them warm”

Pickles:  <looks relieved> 

A date called Pickles?  A quick glance in his fridge revealed a door almost exclusively filled with A LOT of bottled ketchup-style sauces,  a home made curry and a big US style pickle jar,  full gherkins. 

After minimum instruction he’s mastered making a decent cup of PG tips using a pyramid bag, mug,  water, microwave and milk.  We had to make an excursion to a shop for the milk.  UK people should note that several USians who have risked inviting me into their homes didn’t have

• electric kettles

• stove-top kettles (they use coffee machines)

• milk in thier fridge (because they use cream in their coffee)

Since arriving in the US I’ve learned to carry emergency teabags and improvise on the kettle.  I haven’t found a milk solution other than going to the shop.

W 

“Where’s your labrador puppy? <snigger>” flatmates, 1983

Teasing me about the puppy I subsequently dated for 3 years.

“He’s just a big labrador puppy” Amadeus Director, 1989

I was cast opposite this puppy’s Amadeus as Constanza Mozart.  I started dating him on closing night.  Lived with him for 5 years.  The director commented that ‘the potential chemistry’ influenced the original casting decision.

“You’ve turned him into a labrador puppy” Lad’s-best-friend, 1995

Comment on how meeting me had impacted the lad’s behaviour.  I subsequently lived with the lad for 5 years .

W looking-for-a-labrador-lad

What’s good about this lad?  

• alive.
• youngster (35yrs - I’m ageist,  prefer ‘healthy’ lads) 
• can get his hands on fire-engines (big, red, warm and shiney,  YUMMY!)
• paramedic skills (useful for when I fall over). 
• Loves his mum and spontaneously offered to lend her to me.
• is cheeky and potentially subversive.
• when warned about my English ‘yellow wonky’ toothipegs he told me his dog’s yellow teeth hadn’t stopped them bonding.  Incidentally,  he has the shiniest white teeth I’ve ever seen.  This is a difficult achievement in teeth-bleaching US. 
• suggested we go to a Kareoke bar hosted by an MC that is proudly living in the 1980s.
• asks me questions,  listens to what I say and then asks more,  pertinent questions (i.e. not arrogant, not self-obsessed).
• can use a cell-phone and email despite mysterious happenings.
• removed his internet dating profile after we’d mailed and chatted.
• No kitty-allergies.

What’s less good about this lad?: 

• 45mins drive between us (no direct bus service). 
• limited meeting opportunites because of respective work commitments.
• slips into espousing his life philosophy in small monologues (I guess I can catch 20 winks when this happens).

 The less good stuff is all relatively trivial...

W

According to rumour,  that’s what some boys kiss like 

Wendy slightly-scar(r)ed

Late evening downtown with PartAnimal.  We serendipitously encountered a Fridge.    I could see the fascinating,  shiny, produce,  through the dangerous floor-to-ceiling glass wall.

Wendy: ”Can we go in there and investigate the produce?”

PartAnimal: “That’s my ex-wife’s mother”

Wendy:  <WOW!  He’s surprisingly more bizarre than me.  This could be way toooooooo much fun for one evening.  Especially since my last Tea-intake was over 4hrs ago.  Must get a beer….>

General bizarreness was confirmed by PartAnimal’s Brithday present choice:

According to rumour,  that’s what some boys kiss like 

Wendy safely-brewing-Tea

Evidently,  that’s what some boys kiss like. 

Wendy cautiously-vacuuming

• Digging-up Anglo-Saxon graves.  Getting hot and sweaty down in the dirt,  researching people’s lives through their deaths and artifacts.  Hey that skull was placed on the skeleton’s feet!  Evidently this was common pre-christian practice to stop the ‘dead’ from coming back to life and walking away.  Not sure if someone’s dead?  Then decapitate them.  That removes uncertainty!  I DID this date and I’ve been digging-up skinny old bodies ever since….
• High-diving.  oOOoOOoo! Wet,  adrenaline rush, challenge, skill and the obvious visual attractions.  There’s even time for Tea between dives.
• Small dinghy sailing (Lasers, Hoby-cats and the like).  I do luurrve wriggling into my wet-suit,  holding the jib in a force 3 or more and balancing the boat for speeeeeeeed with a guy who can skipper while wearing his wet-suit with aplomb.  Calm down.  More TEA!
• Hospital accident and emergency room.  Date demonstrated calm collectedness and caring responsibility in a high-stress context.  Very appealing to a fall-over artist such as myself.  I’ll be on-call for Tea duties to help everyone stay calm.
• Setting-up Moveable-type blogging software on my home wireless network.  Oh,  I neeeeeeeeeed that…   …I lurrrve a man who gives me what I need….  
• Clairvoyant.  A novel way to work out whether we should have a second date.  Ask clairvoyant for a short and long term forcast.
• Roller-coaster rides.  B-b-B-b-B-b-Bouncing!  Need to keep the thermosflask of Tea lid tightly screwed to avoid it flying up your substantial nose.
• Gardening.  Hands and knees in the mud,  communing with nature.  Hmmmm… …natural appeal and a shower requirement… 
• Beer Festival: Close to this girl’s heart,  flavours,  people to meet and listen to, a relaxed atmosphere and a personal interest.
• Interactive Show:  I’m thinking of Theatro Zinzani.  Sensual,  engaging, an opportunity to dress-up and feel special, an opportunity to join in and much to talk about.
• Tom Waites concert.  Spluuuuuusssssshhhhh… …OH OH!…  was that good for you?  It was AMAZING for me.  I feel all dizzy.  Careful, high-fall-over risk zone (Tea wont help here).
• BonfireNight.  5th November. Warm UK memories <Sigh>
• ThanksGiving Dinner.  All those fabulous family members and wierdy special guests of all ages, shapes, and fortune.  Love the generosity and the group dynamics. 
• Wedding: think 4 weddings and a funeral,  these events are so special.  To be invited to share in someone’s special day is an exceptional wonderful gift.  Oh,  crumbs, I’m ‘gushing’.
• Kite flying over lake union from Gasworks park…..

• Cycle-ride to a local brewery.  I like working-up a sweat & downing a beer.  No need for Tea if the other brew’s on tap.
• Restaurant dinner.  Certainly reveals if the date is ‘conversationally challenged’.  US restaurants may present their Tea in a visually pleasing fashion but they haven’t mastered the necessary brewing skills.
• Mariners game.  I might get to see some passion along with the conversation.  No risk of spilling any Tea from the thermosflask. 
• Meet the parents.  See what he might turn-out to be like in 20 years time… …without asking the Clairvoyant.
• Day-trip with fabulous views.  Pleasing the visual senses,  taking in nature.  In the Northwest this is an ‘easy’ option because there is just SO much.
• Shopping-by-proxy.  Where the date absolutely has a deadline on purchasing something (home, bed, wedding-outfit, pet, major household appliance etc).  Date should beg,  and I mean BEG, me to come along and give my EXPERT opinion.  Date must be prepared to LISTEN and act on that expert opinion.

• Coffee in Starbucks.  Extremely poor Tea options.
• Walk around a suburb.  For example, Greenlake park.  Careful,  I might get over-excited…  …Uh,  I don’t think so!
• Mountain hike.  Leave cellular-service range with a potential wacko for company?????  Give me credit,  I’m not COMPLETELY bonkers.

Any good-bad date stories YOU (it’s not all about me) would like to anonymously share? 

W seeing-reasons-for-a-good-brew-up

Quick recap:

• trouble getting photographs through internet dating service censors.
• inbox explosion from unfiltered potential dates.
• post-hoc rationale for writing to potential hotties serially rather than consecutively.
• first phonecall from current hottie.
• Splushy e-mails.

MSN Spaces categories could have helped me here,  but they didn’t.

Was the first date a success?

• I wasn’t inolved in a major pile-up.  I took the bus to by-pass the challenge of driving Loo Sea (1995 Honda Civic).
• I got off at the wrong bus-stop.  Luckily, hotty has a mobile phone and knows how to use it.
• Half way through the evening I felt deep empathy with Jackson Pollock canvases.
• hottie is confirmed as party animal.  I didn’t get home until 3am.  Though it’s difficult to tell the exact time because all the clocks in my home are being creative about what they publish and I was nearly asleep.
• I slipped on the side-walk.  Completion of this accidental fall-over maneuver avoided by hottie’s quick reactions.
• second date arranged for after I’ve cleaned my canvas.

W

You know how some people have the kind of smile that could melt a chocolate bar at 20 paces?  

Hold that thought.

Today I discovered that some people have the kind of email-writing that can melt a Wendy irrespective of distance. 

All the cute kiddies wandering around in costume today are making a eutectic mixture of me.

* the sound of Wendy reading an email as a cute kiddie walks by

W

Current ‘hottie’ decided to place his first phone-call to me at approximately 2am this morning.

I didn’t let a little thing like ‘being asleep’ stop me from holding a conversation on cue!

I woke this morning wondering,  “was that a dream or did i get a phone-call last night?”  I haven’t a clue what I said.  

Sleep talking is a skill I’ve developed.  I just need to work on the remembering bit….

W Will-answer-phone-in-sleep

My internet dating profile is more bouncy than a girl-scout with a yoyo on a trampoline! 

This is how it works:

• I start emailing with a potential hottie, so I ‘hide’ my profile to focus attention on said hottie
• Said hottie says they’ll write tonight,  I don’t receive an email,  my profile goes back up
• Said hottie writes that he sent an email and demonstrates both irritation and cutie-ness
• I reply and my profile gets hidden again
• Add to that the previous relationship uncertainty:  dumped,  not dumped.  Relationship over. Which went with profile posting-removing.

And you’ve got the full girl-scout with a yoyo on a trampoline picture*!

(*not literally a picture,  apologies to the people sent here by search engines looking for pictures of girl scouts on trampolines. This site might help.  It has more ‘raunchy’ dating and a great video of the world YoYo champion 2005: http://www.m90.org/view_image.php?image_id=8230)

Why do I bother bouncing the profile?  Why not leave the profile totally posted until I’m ‘in’ a relationship?  Good question,  you guys are on the ball.  Here’s a long explanation why.

To me it looks like there are two main potential strategies for establishing the beginning of a fulfilling-have-fun-with-boy-man relationship using the service I’ve subscribed to:

Maximising statistical probability

If I keep email threads going with all the hotties I can find I’m bound to have a hit with one of them. This ignores that HOW we engage in relationships significantly impacts their quality.    The service charges on a time-based model (per month),  not per-person-contacted.  A capitalistic,  mechanistical, individualistic science oriented value set would suggest that maximising probablity is both a pragmatic and profitable approach to securing the start of a fulfilling relationship. 

Maximising mutual engagement

If I know what I want and explore that within any exchange with one hottie I can work out whether this hottie really ‘works well’ with me.  Mutuality.  This ignores that ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’, the abundance of choice… ..so prevalent in wealthy societies like the US…  …even people can experience being treated as a replaceable commodity.

What do people do? 

Based on personal experience I’m guessing that within this dating service the majority of users are applying a statistical approach. ’Daters’ can expect their hotties to be using a statistical approach,  keeping a profile visible until absolutely sure of a decision which had to be negotiated,  or ‘given’ as part of the relationship development process.  Nothing wrong with that.  Culturally ‘acceptable’.  Agreed.  Agreed?    

What does Wendy do?

I’m opting for mutual engagement on a ’serial’ basis.  Potentially more Expensive, time consuming and open to being misunderstood because its not the Norm.    Urgh.  

Why?

Is fulfillment really a statistical concept? 

I don’t think so! 

I believe that, unlike the statistical approach, a mutual engagement approach affords the basis for clear,  open,  honest communications.  For example,  if I was using a statistical approach would I discuss any single hottie with the others that I was writting to?  This might reduce my chances of quickly establishing an intimate relationship with them.  I believe that omission of pertinent,  known, chance-reducing,  information can be sufficiently misleading to be experienced as dishonest or at minimum unduely induce paranoia (promote the need for therapy?).   

As an extreme fictional example,  Married man omits to tell his wife he’s having an affair. He hasn’t lied.  She may get paranoid,  why is he working late so often?  I can’t keep questioning him about where he is etc.  The key thing here is pertinent information,  stuff where knowledge is being withheld BECAUSE it will have an impact on a specific relationship.  I wonder how ‘open’ the dating service users feel able to be if they are employing a high numbers approach?

If the hottie using the statistical approach is honest and decides to provide this information the recipient is given a clear indicator that they are not (yet?) special.  As an egotist this is not a message I like to receive too often!  As someone who aspires to being a caring person this is not a message I want to feel obliged to give to people who have flatteringly shown an interest in me.  To illustrate,  here’s a fictional, potential open honest conversation between two statistical approach users based on actual convesations I had with service users:

Left-hander:I am having some fun email threads with 5 people through this dating service at the moment,  what about you?

Right-hander:  Just the 20,  I normally have about 34 going,  I’m a fast thinker and typer.

Left-hander: Oh,  how do I rate in the 20,  is it worth my considering this relationship as anything other than friendship?

Right hander:  Can’t tell at the moment,  well over half of the 20 will just drop-out over the next week,  and I’m only really sure I’m interested in 4.  The others are just entertainment value.  You’re one of the 4.  Lets start with friends and just see how it goes,  I dont want to rush into anything.  How do you feel about your 5 people?

Left hander: well,  foot-fetishist is fun but wont go out on hikes for fear of blisters.  Hand-fetishist is a bit too tactile but really tickles my sense of humour.  Obviously,  you’re gorgeous but I’m not confident we have potential because you dont seem really interested in me,  the other two I haven’t met yet so its early days.

Right hander:  sounds fun,  why all the fetishists?etc…

There is also a perceived time-based anxiety for all statistical approach users.  People can easily believe that if they don’t establish intimacy quickly then the other person will easily find someone else,  particularly if they are attractive.  This creates a perceived need to establish intimacy quickly to legitimately reduce competition by asking for the new-partners profile to be removed. 

From a finance perspective the mutual engagement method sets the expectation of not finding a right person ‘quickly’ together with longer subscription to the service (service profit).  I’ve actually had people write  asking me to reply quickly before their subscription runs-out.  These people were honest,  but hey babe,  I’m worth more than the subscription!

I suspect that a statistical approach promotes ‘insecurity’,  lack of perceived self-value,  and lots of social interactional experiences that are highly negative (paranoia, deception).  Consequently,  it aligns with a profit principle through the supply of ongoing services (dating, counselling). For these reasons I believe using a statistical approach would be a morally irresponsible act from anyone who see’s this dating services affordances as I see them.  

 In maximising mutual engagement,  I can say honestly,  i’m only mailing with you.  The hottie can indepedently verify this by checking my profile availability (not there).  He can feel re-assured.  I can be fully open and comfortably convey all relationship pertinent information.  Trust grows quickly.  This suits my conscience and sense of self as a responsible society member.  It also promotes trust, comfort, confidence and happiness.  It has the Wendy-pleasing by-product of scaring-off people that might not feel easy with open, honest and fairly focussed Wendy-communications.  Hooray!

However,  I can still be paranoid because the person I’m mailing is likely to be using a statistical approach.  Their choice.  I can respect the logic that promotes this strategy and self-treat myself for any paranoid outbursts,  or blog them. 

The challenge is how to maintian mutual engagement approach when the social and business system heavily promotes a statistical model?  Here’s my plan:

• Errr…  …be stubborn based on principle.
• Suggest to the service providers that they seriously consider revamping their charging model to a per ’start-contact’ basis.  This would encourage a mutual-engagement model over a statistical model and could be constructed to be profitable using the specifics of the pricing model. 

W believes-that-individual-emotional-responsibility-makes-a-difference-everywhere

I’ve had to hide my online dating service profile because I received too many emails to read and reply to in a week let-alone an evening. Though, it is difficult to take people from across the mountains (Florida?!!), or old enough to be my dad, seriously.

I can’t handle anymore without employing a part time assistant to filter them on my behalf. Instead, I’ve hidden my profile and will write polite replies to those who took the trouble to write. Yes, this time I whipped-out my credit card and paid a subscription for the privilege of being able to reply…..

W Ego-the-size-of-a-house-and-inbox-contents-to-match

Getting a picture of my beautiful-self accepted for an internet dating profile main photograph?

Nightmare.

Being a pro-active gal that luuuurrrrves happily being with a gorgeous boy-man, I put a ‘profile’ on a dating site. Each of approximately 7 photographs I submitted were subject to quality control decisions. Each time, censors’ decision was:

Rejected.

Naturally, wanting to appeal to the specific dating market of rightist hand-o-philes, I tried a photograph of my right hand. Quality censors decision:

Rejected.

I sent the photograph of me at 15 and plastered the ‘date-taken’ in large clear letters under the face. Quality censors decision? They removed the date and:

Published!

Hmmmm… …the service is apparantly prepared to be complicit in publishing misleading photographs (by age) but is not prepared to cater to diverse (minority fetish) groups such as right-hand-o-philes. Now I may never find one. My only consolation is that I have on several occassions been approached by foot-fetishist. Evidently I have ‘adorable arches’. Maybe I’ll try a photograph of this asset next. Faces are the censors (majority) preference. But. Excluding other significant body parts is blatant, prejudicial, discrimination.

Shocking!

Evidently,  that’s what some boys kiss like.

Wendy cautiously-doing-her-laundry

Across the 24hr period of ’singleness’ I’d posted a ‘profile’ on an international dating service. I received emails from

• 55yr very polite fellow. Looks and writes like he could be older than even my dad….
• 51yr Seattle East-sider self-described ‘techy’ with big income, requires his girlfriend to have a PhD, wrote 2x making ‘overgenerous’ suggestions. No evidence of a sense of humour.
• 48yr handsome artsy gentle natured buddist with silver hair and a painful, giving, low-paid job (technical support helpdesk).
• 45yr Seattle local who recognised my boat, can cook, has firm abs, a witty email technique and humorous profile.
• 44yr rotund, big income (self-reported) business man based in NY (?!).

2/5 almost matched my ‘requirements’ list. The Seattle guy with humour and the Buddist smelt of potential….

I didn’t pay to let them know of my unexpected lack of single-ness. Their messages go cruelly unanswered. This internet dating thing involves a lot of uncertainty and requires robustness.

Feel bad about not paying to reply.

3 other guys ‘winked’ (for free) at me. This seems like a good way of working-out whether writing will be well received…. ….I don’t feel bad about not returning the winks.

The service sent me links to 12 profiles that were ‘mutual matches’, they fit the explicit requirements I’m looking for and I fit the explicit requirements they are looking for. Judging by the 12 photographs, self-assessments of body-type vary dramatically. Either these people have lost a lot of weight, or seriously toned-up, since they posted their photographs!