scribbles tagged ‘alans tips’

candles and vampires (avoid direct sunlight)

Sunday, February 26th, 2012 | tags: ,  |

Night lightsWords of wisdom from  an almost stranger* and Mumsie.  Mumsie passed on this wisdom while we walked between the car park and Bristol Hippodrome

mumsie: don’t put candles on window sills

wendy: because they’ll melt in the sunshine?

mumsie: yes, tealights, those short ones in individual containers are alright because they keep their shape  when they melt

I’ve now placed some tealights in glassware on my new glass window shelves…..

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, a partying product designer, an Essex girl, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric, a girl on a London commuter train, a Redmond based software developer and Reading Police.

3 bits of fabulous banter »

streamlined

Saturday, April 9th, 2011 | tags: ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  A product designer gave me this little gem while discussing options for an upcoming Wendy House garden party:

Don’t be fooled into taking the shell off of your racing snails to make them more streamlined, all it does is make them more sluggish.

I am now planning to require that all the racing snails come with their own shells in place

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an Essex girl, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric, a girl on a London commuter train, a Redmond based software developer and Reading Police.

2 bits of fabulous banter »

two hands and a wonderwall

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011 | tags: ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  A Redmond based software developer posted this fabulous advice on his facebook status:

Things to do in a noisy bar: create tiny finger puppet music videos for whatever the band’s playing. You can get more than you think out of two hands and “Wonderwall”.

I am now planning to collect finger puppets

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an Essex girl, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric, a girl on a London commuter train  and Reading Police.

what do you think of that »

ponytail

Saturday, July 10th, 2010 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  a girl friend from Essex

To get a facelift without invasive surgery or spending a lot of money – grow your hair long enough to wear in a ponytail. 

I am already following this advice

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric, a girl on a London commuter train  and Reading Police.

1 wonderful musing »

old lady’s shoes

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  in this case a girl on the commuter  train to London Paddington:

don’t wear Ecco shoes,   they’ll  make you look like a really boring  old person

Ecco SandalsI would have followed this advice

except

Ooops!   it’s toooooo late

I picked up these little green dudes in a sale,   as preparation for my upcoming HOLIDAY in CAIRO.   They have the phrase ‘pat pending’ on the sole.   Just like the wacky races character.   I love that!   The garish green is pretty darn cool too,   for a wrinkly, if this is what boring old people wear,   then so be it.

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric  and Reading Police.

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friends in the press

Thursday, September 10th, 2009 | tags: ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.   In this case a marketing manager:

if you’ve recieved bad service,   just mention that you are a marketing manager with friends in the press,   your service will improve

I’ll definitely consider using a realistic variation on this tip, should the circumstances arise.

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric, a local Reading resident  and Reading Police.

1 wonderful musing »

alan’s tip

Tuesday, August 11th, 2009 | tags: ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  in this case a local Reading resident :

“don’t go there, its full of orange girls”

A little questioning established that ‘Orange girls’ wasn’t a reference to employees of a phone service company or a womens theatre group.   Orange girls are girls that choose to use recognisably fake sun-tan.   Evidently the fake tan looks rather orange.     The use of fake tan is associated with lifestyle and values that are somewhat superficial.

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric  and Reading Police.

2 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tip

Friday, July 10th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

Eric lines up the drinksWords of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  in this case Flat Eric during an annual office party:

“Jagermeister chaser”

I didn’t follow this tip.    I’m just not ‘Kewl’ enough to be able to imbibe strong alcohol frequently over a whole evening,   night, morning… like the other dudes.   I did manage my maximum binge-drink consumption of 3 pints of the  ex-local brew  stones bitter  before taking this photograph, realising my total wobbliness,  and sneaking away to crisp white cotton hotel sheets,   much like those supplied by Jacksons to the Wendy House.   Love those sheets.   Clearly I haven’t got the English office party skill fully cracked.     I did manage not to fall over,   quite an achievement by personal standards.

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics  and Reading Police.

2 bits of fabulous banter »

ping remote host

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 | tags: , , , , , ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  in this case Windows Network Diagnostics:

When planning your party make sure you employ communicative DNS servers to hand-out the canopes and if your host is being a bit remote,   just ping him a bit and he’ll deliver cuddles all round.

ping host

*  past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, a neighbour  and Reading Police

2 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tips

Sunday, May 10th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  in this case one of my neighbours when I was returning my front door key after I’d locked myself out for the 4th time since moving in:

 

Don’t put a spare door key in your garden under a plant-pot.   They’re always under plant pots…   …ours is.

 

I am following this advice,  and making regular trips round to my neighbours .  

 

 

*  past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman  and Reading Police


2 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tips

Friday, April 10th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.   In this case a Mini dealership sales person of a Canadian persuasion gave me this tip:

 

If you enjoy driving, and want a Diesel, I  wouldn’t recommend the Mini One Diesel.    The Mini Cooper Diesel is much more fun, its in a completely different class.

 

I didn’t accept this tip on face value,    I test drove a Mini One Diesel.   Not fun.    I did enjoy driving the Mini Cooper Diesel,   though I found all the superflous fancy stuff,  such as internal lighting schemes  more embarressing than stylish.  

 

 

*  past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist  and Reading Police


2 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tip

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 | tags: ,  |

Words of wisdom from  either  a  specialist* or in this case a very friendly person at a bus stop who asked me what bus I was waiting for and where I was going.   I told her I was waiting for  the X32 to Harwell innovation centre.   Based on this brief information she gave me a couple of tips:

 

you’ll be wanting the 32 to Chiltern,   not to Harwell,   there aint no atomic place at Harwell.  

Don’t get a taxi,   it costs 20 quid.   I’ll ask the taxi driver,   you’ll see.

 

The friendly person had a seasonal all routes bus pass and rather than sit at the cold bus stop waiting for her own bus she decided to get on my bus to make sure that I got off at the right stop then catch her own bus home.  It never ceases to impress me how  caring and conscientious bus users are.

 

*  past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant  and Reading Police


2 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tips

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

 

Words of wisdom from a  specialist*.   This tip is about industrial strength white cotton bedding and is bought to you courtesy of the outstanding sales staff  in Frere Jacksons Linens and haberdashery department:

 

Iron them while they are damp because its impossible to get the creases out once they’re dry.

 

I don’t plan to follow this tip because Ironing is a theoretical concept I’ve not yet fully grasped.

 

*  past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist and Reading Police

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alan’s tips

Friday, January 9th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from a  specialist*.   This tip is bought to you courtesy of Dr. Wendy myself:

 

The makers of squeeze out of a bottle marmite have sacrificed the original flavour for a reduction in the viscosity levels that can rip the surface off your toast.

 

I haven’t worked out if I want spreadability or original flavour, currently I’m using the original unspread in clumps on my toast.

 

 

*  past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist and Reading Police


what do you think of that »

alan’s tips

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from a  specialist.   Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, and an anonymous  manicurist.    This month Alan’s tip is bought to you courtesy of Reading Police:

If a car is parked on the public highway and blocking access to your property  you can phone us and we will try and contact the owner directly.   If we can’t contact them,  we can remove  the car  for you.

In the event that the need arises I will certainly be following this useful advice.


9 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tips

Monday, November 10th, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from a  personal grooming specialist,  

normally a hairdresser,  

mainly Alan the outrageously expensive  and  handsome, former professional-brick-layer, young product-dispensing hairdresser, and

occassionally Lucia the scissor happy hairdresser.    

This month Alan’s tip is bought to you courtesy of Lulu,  a downtown Reading manicurist:

treat yourself,   buy a TV for christmas


3 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tips

Friday, October 10th, 2008 | tags: ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive  and  handsome, former professional-brick-layer, young product-dispensing hairdresser are temporarily on hold while I investigate cheaper less product-pushing alternatives.   This tip is bought to you courtesy of Lucia from the Philippines  in her own local family business salon:

keep your hair short in the winter

Before I could consider the merits of this tip,   Lucia had launched her scissors into the remnants of my mop which is now,   indeed,   short for the winter.


5 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tips

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive  and  handsome, former professional-brick-layer, young product-dispensing hairdresser:

you want asymmetrical

As usual,   I’ll be taking Alan’s tip very seriously and following up on this gem of wisdom


3 bits of fabulous banter »

alan’s tips

Sunday, August 10th, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive  and  handsome, former professional-brick-layer, young product-dispensing hairdresser:

treat your mum to a night in the Mallard suite at the Malmaison,   it has a ground floor patio,   an en-suite train-set and wooden sinks which look like you can pick them up and walk away with them

As usual,   I’ll be taking Alan’s tip very seriously and following up on this gem of wisdom


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alan’s tips

Thursday, July 10th, 2008 | tags: ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive  and  handsome young product-dispensing, ex-pro-brick-layer,  hairdresser:

Your job should be something you are passionate about

As usual,   I’ll be taking Alan’s tip very seriously and following up on this gem of wisdom


1 wonderful musing »

alan’s tips

Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive  and  handsome young product-dispensing hairdresser:

If someone has been shouting at you for playing football near their house and generally been grumpy and verbally abusive whenever they see you,   don’t get into their car when they follow you along the street and start insisting that you accept a lift from them while smiling and being uncharacteristically smarmy

As usual,   I’ll be taking Alan’s tip very seriously and following up on this gem of wisdom


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alan’s tips

Saturday, May 10th, 2008 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive and  handsome young product-dispensing hairdresser:

If you’re looking for a good winebar the best place in Reading is the Forbury Hotel restaurant bar

As usual,   I’ll be taking Alan’s tip very seriously and following up on this gem of wisdom


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alan’s tips

Thursday, April 10th, 2008 | tags: , , , ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive and  handsome young product-dispensing hairdresser:

“I picked up a newer model of my current phone,   after one night’s use the pictures were terrible,   all fuzzy.   I took the phone back and they said they couldn’t exchange it because it was working probably properly*,   I asked what should I do? and they said,   Vodaphone support said, change to another service provider they even recommended one!”

He certainly  knows a  thing or thirty-two about almost everything.

*editted multiple times post-publication to remove the superfluous, random, and just darn wanton spelling mistakes


1 wonderful musing »

alan’s tips

Monday, March 10th, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive and  handsome young product-dispensing hairdresser:

Have you tried Nirvana?   you should, you deserve it

After all the  cleaning,    box unpacking and furniture moving excitement of this weekend Alan’s clearly a fellow who knows how to point a Wendy in the right direction.  


1 wonderful musing »

alan’s tips

Thursday, January 10th, 2008 | tags: , , ,  |

Words of wisdom from my outrageously expensive and  handsome young product-dispensing hairdresser:

Legend, even with Will Smith in it, it’s just another zombie film


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