scribbles tagged ‘*ankers’

askewed aspirations

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011 | tags: , , ,  |

Because you

  • can – Youths loot themselves £100’s worth of shoes and phones during riots
  • are selfish – Bankers take £10,000’s  bonuses from public funding because size really does matter
  • are worth it – Women pay £10’s for  products to make themselves more visually pleasing
PS 41 word post before the PS

2 bits of fabulous banter »

ditched by the bitch

Friday, December 17th, 2010 | tags: , , ,  |

Pretty. Curvy. Reflective

has anyone ever told you that you are a callous bitch? Because you are

The vehement anger felt like a punch in the face. Especially suprising from an acquaintance that hadn’t asked, and didn’t know, why I was leaving.

This acquaintance assumed, like others, that I was leaving you because of an impressive job opportunity. The job offer was a serendipitous coincidence that you were playing on – for sympathy.  Your play was working well, at the expense of my reputation as a member of the human race. Rather than tell the pressumptious aquaintance the real reason I decided to counter-play on traditional gender role models, with a near* truth

I begged him to come with me, there are plenty of good job moves he could make if he wanted to come too, but he didn’t want to interrupt his service continuity with Natwest. We weren’t worth it

The tearfulness prompted by his verbal punch, and the real reasons, added a sense of pathos and enhanced the impression of sincerity. Perhaps his punch was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

* no begging involved

Previous paragraphs in this story:
  1. The begining of the end
  2. Send in the helicopters
  3. The usual please
  4. No compromise

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real people

Sunday, November 14th, 2010 | tags: , ,  |

Recently I’ve moved home and contents insurance providers from, you guessed it, Natwest to the Building Society that provides my mortgage. This has increased my coverage, reduced my cost, but best of all I’ve had two fun phonecall with the insurance phone service people who were memorable as real people.

The first lady, Nicola, that produced the quote and posted the documentation told me all about how her cat’s tail set-off her neighbours motion-sensitive alarm. The nieghbour had adjusted the sensor to be above cat height without taking into account her cat’s unusually long tail. Excellent, I found out lots about her neighbour; the history of her doors, all stuff that I didn’t need to know that made me smile. It was wonderful, I didn’t feel like Nicola was getting through a required script as fast as possible to reach a quota. She gave me her name, extension phone number, and told me her working hours while reassuring me that anyone on the help line could help me.

The second chap I spoke to, Sam, after reading the documentation talked to me about his philosophy of life and how things have changed

10 years ago if you smiled at 10 people when you walk down the street, 8 of them would smile back. Nowadays only about 6 people will smile back. A smile doesn’t cost much and it comes back to you

Again, he seemed like he had the space to be himself, I didn’t feel rushed, we made progress but best of all the phone call was enjoyable.


1 wonderful musing »

dumper truck

Sunday, October 10th, 2010 | tags: , , , ,  |

Goodbye Natwest banking

Dumped

 

Hello Co-operative Banking

suggesting I 'Dump' my current bank

 

The subtle differences in the way the companies are can be seen in the promotional designs for their current campaigns. The Natwest prmotion is neat and tidy with photographs of brochures, big old buildings and staff wearing a uniform and name tag. By contrast the Co-op promotion includes an imitation of hand-written text corrections, a childs plastic toy, the colloquial word ‘dump’, and anthropomophises the Bank by refering to it as ‘someone’.

Moving from being treated as a sales opportunity to being recognised as a person feels really good.  The Natwest customer charter, to become the most helpful bank is definitiely an admirable goal that shows they are aware of one of their key shortcomings. They have a long way to go, helpfulness is not something I’d noticed in their recent everyday service. By contrast, the staff at the Co-op actually

  • listened to me
  • asked me sensible questions that I could understand
  • made fun little observations that made me smile and demonstrated the lack of corporate dehumanising of their staff, and 
  • provided understandable advice.

YAY

While in the Reading Co-op branch I overheard someone comment on the recruitment poster in the branch suggesting that people dump their old bank :

‘The coop is my old bank – what should I do?


12 bits of fabulous banter »

changes

Monday, September 27th, 2010 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Cooperative Food

I’m on a roll with the making of changes. I’ve moved my current and credit accounts to the Co-op bank. Hoorah! I love their values and helpful staff. I leave NatWest with a fabulous sense of relief and freedom.

In 1982 a girl I’d been to school with opened my Natwest Bank account in my local village. As one of the less than 10% of people that went to University I was a valued customer, a potential high earner. They promised me a free £5 for opening an account with them. One third of the cost of a pair of Levi 501s (£14.99).

In the 1980’s Natwest was small and friendly, my whole family and most of the village either banked or worked there.  Natwest saw me through my BSc, PhD, my first job, first car, and first mortgage. Some bumps, but generally they were supportive and I stuck with them.  In 1992 I lost my job. I wrote to Natwest to let them know (a condition of the mortgage). They told me that they were going to put my house on the market and charge me for a valuation and sales services.  I had not defaulted on my mortgage. I had sufficient savings to live on and pay my mortgage for months and they could see that by looking at my accounts.  This was an outragoeusly insensitive and unsupportive act. Also, they were not legally allowed to do this, this was bullying!  I replied telling them that they did not have my permission to spend my money on selling my home when I had not broken the conditions of the mortgage agreement.  I got a job, changed cities, changed home, changed mortage provider.

Things really spiralled downhill in the naughties.  After they were purchased by RBS the service standard nose-dove into corporate solelessness and ignorant, if cheerful, front of house staff.  Luckily I missed experiencing the gradual decay because I was living and primarily banking in the USA. Since returning to the UK they’ve actualy reduced me to tears twice, by aggressively trying to sell me services.

Today they treated me with their normal intrusive and condescending rudeness. AaarggGHH. The last straw. I calmly asked the informations desk for advice on the most efficient and effective way close all my acounts with them.  It felt good to stride out of the shop upright, hanky still in my pocket, knowing that I wont be going back.

David Bowie sang Changes


3 bits of fabulous banter »

suicide banker

Thursday, July 8th, 2010 | tags: , , , , ,  |

On the wall of a shop.

A small graffiti image in the style of Banksy shows a man holding a gun to his head.

The image is near where Woolworth’s used to be.  The Woolworth’s site still unoccupied in the centre of town.  In the other direction a bank has been converted into a pub, called ‘The Bank’.

hmmmm……


1 wonderful musing »

but maybe not

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010 | tags: , , ,  |

the 15th June.

Ides of June.

Recurring.

Recurring in Outlook.  Outlook synchronised with my cell phone. 2 messages meet me today

Your birthday (my phone). your birthday (my laptop).

I want to forget all that made loving you hurt me.  A party made loving you fun.

I miss the parties I arranged for your birthday. Reading the reminder I want to send you a card.  But maybe not.

I want to arrange a parrty. But maybe not.

I wish I could let it all go and delete the recurring reminder. But maybe not.

Party. Love. Sunshine. Summer. Love.


what do you think of that »

rather bad dream

Monday, December 14th, 2009 | tags: , , , , , , ,  |

In my dream I was  still living with the *anker  that I actually  left in 2000 after years of building up the pluck to walk out.   Tight black leather jeans, tears bullying,   and that was just his his contribution to the dream, mine was even more icky.   I fell over several times at a cricket match during the game.   Most embaressing.  

Godley and Creme sang Under your thumb


1 wonderful musing »

little goldfish

Friday, October 9th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

Dusk in Holy TrinityMumzie:    come next door with me,   to feed the goldfish

Wendy:  yes please,   how is she?

Mumzie: she died last week.  

Her children thought they’d inherit the house,  were planning to move in.   They would have been good neighbours.   But she had a  reverse mortgage which means the bank owns the house and is selling it.


3 bits of fabulous banter »

quite good

Monday, March 9th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

In 1983 a poster in the local Student’s Union said ‘The Housemartins are quite good,   London – 0, Hull – 4  .   Being as the ever sensible and caring mumzie hails from Hull and ‘quite good’ is well-worthy praise I popped along to enjoy an unexpectedly outstanding evening of hip wiggling, cardigan-wearing, socialist music of fitting proportions.        They also had a fairly prophetic perspective on bankers.

The Housemartins sang sheep


1 wonderful musing »

discernable compassion

Friday, February 27th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

Occassionally I enjoy a wee excursion to a local high street bank.   Today was one of those special days

Wendy: are you concerned about your job security? the news says there will be redundancies in your bank…

Finacial Specialist (FiSp):   NO!   I’m not worried,   we haven’t done anythong wrong, customer facing staff like me are doing a good job its the managers, people earning over 60K that are going to be made redundant, at least that’s what they’re telling us.

She continued with this perky attitude that   lacked discernable compassion while telling her stories of the credit crunch

FiSp:   I had one 82 year old in tears here yesterday,   her pension has been ruined by the fall in interest rates.

Her advice to me was:

FiSp:   In October we had 6 investment products,   in December we had 4, now we only have 2,   if you don’t invest now there may not be any products left.


3 bits of fabulous banter »

a bit sensitive

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Hairdresser Business Owner (HBO): you’ve been in before haven’t you?

Wendy: yes,  only once  several months ago,   its grown a lot and kept a very good shape, it was a good cut

HBO: yes,   I remember. Lucia, the Phillipino lady, cut your hair really short.   She’s in the Phillipines as the moment,   she owns a bed and breakfast there and its their peak season,   its alright for some!

HBO: your scalp is a bit sensitive,   do you have a stressful job?

Wendy: (giggles) Sort of because…(unpublishable)

While the assistant washes my way-past-its-cut-by-date mop the HBO checks her records.  

HBO: you came in here  last September, no wonder its grown so much

Wendy: I’m impressed that you recognised me

We talked about her business,   she hasn’t been hit by the credit crisis because ‘everyone needs a haircut’   and her business has been established for over 9 years.   We both agreed that we liked Reading a lot because of the nice people we’ve met here.   She was born in Reading,   studied in London with Vidal Sassoon,   travelled the world then came back to Reading to set-up her business.  

It’s the best haircut I’ve had in over a decade.  

I’m a very happy bunny


3 bits of fabulous banter »

no Hondas today

Tuesday, February 17th, 2009 | tags: ,  |

Wendy: Hello

Car rental person (CRP): Hello Wendy

Wendy: Oh (signifying surprise)!   you remember my name,   that is impressive, I’ve only been in once

CRP: It took me a moment (smiles)

While booking  the car I ponder on why this chap should remember my first name and decide that it must be because I am slightly different from his other customers.   For example, when I picked up the last car I was fascinated about the business and wendy-terviewed him about how it worked (type of clients, size and make-up of fleet etc).   This kind of interest in the workings of a car rental business is probably unusual from renters and he clearly enjoyed demonstrating his knowledge.

CRP:   that’s the last car available, I’m glad you wanted it

Wendy: good to hear that your whole fleet is in use during a recession

CRP:   the fleet is much smaller than last time you visited,   we’ve streamlined.   We got rid of the Hondas.

I continued to Wendy-terview him about how the recession is impacting his business.     The irresponsible behaviour of the *ankers touches everybody in so many ways.


what do you think of that »

what does a full apology mean?

Thursday, February 12th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

 

According to  the Gaurdian:

 

Former HBOS chief executive Andy Hornby, who is receiving £60,000 a month as a consultant to the Lloyds Banking Group, issued a “full apology”.

Merium Webster suggests there are three distinct meanings of apologies  without citing whether they are empty,   half-empty, half-full or full:

 

  1. a formal justification
    1. defense
    2. excuse
  2. an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret
  3. a poor substitute : makeshift  

 

I wonder how the RBS, Lloyds group and HBOS  banking executives meant their apologies  to the tax paying people while they arranged

 

  • executive bonuses on top of annual salaries ( £4 million)  that are so far beyond my comprehension  even stilton can’t produce them.
  • employee  job cuts.  

 

 

The  same tax paying  people are

  • suffering job losses due to the  irresponsibility of banking processes.
  • paying outlandish banking executive salaries and bonuses.    

 

 

Maybe a full apology is a composite of all 3 meanings,   including defense, excuse, admission of error and a poor substitute for genuine humility.


1 wonderful musing »

Mach 4

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

 

When returning an assessed  cousework essay on UK history in the 19th century to a 17yr old me¦

 

Tory School teacher (TST):   you are very Machiavellian

Wendy:   is that a good or a bad thing?

TST: let me know when you find out

 

Within a couple of hours I’d  read a copy of The Prince .   It was fascinating, written beautifully, based on multiple case study research to provide a  pragmatic set of behavioural recommendations for a leader (Prince) occupying a recently acquired territory to maintain effective control.   In the 1960’s psychology used the term Machiavellianism to label a personality Disorder with the core theme of  deceiving others for personal gain.      I wish I’d kept the essay that prompted the TST’s comment.        

 

You  can self-assess yourself for 1960’s style psychology Machiavellianism here.

Today I scored as a ˜Low Mach’.   The results say that I reject Machiavelli’s opinions.   Indeed, I am not and have never aspired to be a prince, princess or banker.    Alternatively, I could have lied here and on the questionnaire¦.

Low Mach

I vote that we rename Machiavellianism with the more topical outbreak of:

 

Chief Executive Bankerism


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