wendy house

forty-seventh post in a Wednesday series highlighting some of the pollutants that promote Wendy’s singleness.

Reason # 47: emissions tested

Wendys can produce unfiltered, untested balderdash. In Washington State gas emissions are subject to production constraints and testing, but alas, not Wendy’s balderbash. Boys ill-equipt with their own balderdash filtering mechnaism are unlikely to survive pre-dating balderbash emissions.

When trying-out a new Tea venue I normally take a quick look at the place name and memorize it’s location as a road junction then swing on out there in LooSea. This strategy has served me well,   until today.   Two tea places in the same building,   is Seattle.   Hardly what a girl is expecting.   I’d arranged to meet Jenn at one of them.   Remedy teas.

I went into the wrong one.  The Teapot.  After two pots of excellent Orange Spice tea, without milk or company,  I left.   I stopped to take a photograph of the building  on the way out.  That’s when I noticed my mistake,   can you see it?   Teapot on the left,   Remedy Tea  on the right.    I meekly wandered over  to “Remedy teas”.  

Jenn  in black and the torture victim were sitting outside.   In January,  outside, a week after snow-fall, without coats.     Washington State locals are really rufty-tufty.    Jenn’s ‘Loser’ handbag was definitely pointing at me under the table.   How did she know in advance? They were very forgiving about my missing the place first time and let me join them for another pot of Tea and a waitress interview.  

After  three pots of tea I only used the ‘restrooms’ once,   my bladder is under tight control.   The restrooms also helped me with a poster describing the six-stages of  ’how to wash your hands’ with pictures.    Now I know.   Good job I’ve got that little skill sorted now. It should prevent all sorts of unplanned nastiness.

Do not try this at home

Loosea’s boot (US trunk) has a magnetic quality for the SUV’s that follow her.   To reduce the effect I normally  regularly pull into parking places allowing  the aggressive SUVs to progress  to sniffing the boot of the car in front of Loosea.   Pulling into a parking place is not always a realistic option on windy mountain roads.    While sight-seeing on the Olympic peninsula I serendipitously discovered a way to abrogate this SUV courting activity.   A simple and cunning  manoeuvre that I have christened flaccid drifting.      

Steps to  perform a flaccid drift:

1. drive so that the passenger-side of the car slowly crosses onto the hard shoulder.
2. slowly correct your alignment.
3. if there is plenty of oncoming traffic repeat steps 1 through  2 above.
4. if  there is no oncoming traffic,  no opportunity for the car behind to overtake and no passing place within sight take steps 5 and 6.
5. drive so that the driver-side of the car crosses the centre of the road.
6. slowly correct your alignment.

Note:   in many US wide lanes, with a small car, it is possible to perform the flaccid drift without ever leaving the lane.   This is a preferable, safer, operation.

This manoeuvre increases the distance between Loosea’s boot and the following SUV by approximately 8 fold.   Repeating  the 6 steps is not necessary.   Once the extra distance between Loosea’s boot and the SUV is established,   it is reasonably well maintained.  Excellent result.  

Dr. Wendy does not recommend using this highly dangerous manoeuvre.

Lakeside Collision:   Not recommended.   Extremely poor customer service strategy.

Due to a slight disagreement with a concrete column LooSea was sent to reform school (Lakeside Collision) for a quoted 3 days of treatments.

I phoned  Lakeside Collission  after 3 days to confirm that I could pick-up my beloved Loosea.   No.   She’s not ready, should be ready tomorrow.   We’ll call you when she’s ready.      

Tomorrow came.   No-one phoned.    I called them.   No,   LooSea can’t come home, she’s not ready.    They only call people when their car is ready to be released,   has passed the quality assessements. They refused to give me an estimation of when she would be ready.    They are going to hold her without any courtesy check-ins with me to help me plan my life without her.   Apparantly replacing a Honda Civic wing and bumper  will take at least 5 days….     maybe more… ..no-one dare say…

Their refusal, or inability, to estimate a work completion time and follow-up to let me know when, if, that time shifts  has undermined my confidence in the company.    What strategies do they use for mechanical troubleshooting if  their strategy for customer-service troubleshooting is cut the customer out of the information loop?

Not a clever move.   Literally.

The concrete pillar wont budge on it’s position.   Inflexible.   LooSea, softy that she is, crumpled under such rigidity.   Right indicator light smashed to pretty reflective pieces.   Bumper deformed and scratched.   We snuck home together.   Taking only left turns.   Wendy House scars  from the 6.8 Quake (28 Feb 2001) can be seen on the concrete floor of the first  picture.   The moral is,   mother-earth cracks concrete, pretty reflective lightfixtures do not.   The pillars of concrete should not be tangled with lightly.   Or, look forward when you reverse-turn out of a tight parking slot. An obvious,   yet potentially rather expenisve lesson learned.   I will be taking the bus to work today….

World traveller called to tell me the Truck has finally shuffled of this mortal coil.   Let’s take 2 minutes silence to respect the daring do’s of the red truck:

• Being shiny and new (1974)
• Costing $450.00  and driving from Oregon to Ellensburgh (2005)
• Carrying the contents of World traveller’s home 3,000 miles from Ellensburgh to New York, with only one little hiccup  (Aug. 2006)

Hellllloooooo!

Truck stops have the BEST internet connections!  This is Lonnie’s seat poking out from under the bonnet of the Truck.   I recommend Lonnie when you’re in a tight spot on a hard shoulder.    Don’t let those loose pants fool you.   This man can spark a plug,   de-clog a filter and replace a fuel system on a truck whose parts went out of production 20 years ago.   I stand amazed.   Actually I kind of wobble-amazed while drinking “Wollersheim Winery” ‘Prairie red’ in a truck-stop with great internet access…

This Excel bar chart told me that silver cars have superior braking-distances to brown cars when driving behind LooSea.  

Who would have guessed?

In less than 15 mins. LooSea’s battery spontaneously drained while I stopped in the fridge.  

Two wonderful Hispanic men rescued me.

They were fortunate enough to have parked next to LooSea. Their English was better than my Spanish.   Extremely limited.   I pointed at my jump leads, opened the bonnet, and asked if they could help me.   They giggled a bit. Pointed at their car and said “Avis” as I passed them the other end of the leads.  

Is LooSea telling me something? will she start for me tomorrow?  I’m feeling battery-power-challenged at the moment.  

This generous behaviour warranted a proposal.   I didn’t propose because  I haven’t yet purchased a ring to demonstrate my sincerity and commitment to proposees.

Snoqualmie Pass!

LooSea is my faithful 1995 Honda Civic. LooSea and ‘chains’ braved “Interstate 90″ (I90) to Snoqualmie pass. For UK readers, imagine a 4 lane Motorway with virtually no other traffic! A double-sized hard-shoulder. Vehicles stop on this hard shoulder to ‘Chain-up’. This is not only legal, its good for safety! That’s what driving the I90 from Seattle to Snoqualmie pass at noon on a Saturday is like! It’s about 40mins drive from my home.

More of todays snow photo’s. Check-out the snow-wall at the edge of the snow-ploughed-road. I’ve never seen anything like it in England!

Him: “How can you see where you’re driving with all this condensation?”

ME: “That’s not condensation, that’s good old-fashioned dirt” (I hadn’t recently washed my hair or Loo Sea’s windows)

Him: “It’s condensation, look” (drags finger down Loo Sea’s winscreen)

ME: “Yes, Yes,YES! Add grease marks! draw pictures!”

Him: (Silence as he realises that its dirt not condensation)

Choices to avoid an accident:

1. Buy a hairdryer to ensure the car windows do not steam up ($30)
2. Fix the air conditioner in the car ($500)

Unfortunately, this morning, I couldn’t tell if it was ‘foggy’ or if my windows had just steamed-up unless I wiped my finger across the window. Foggy and steamy. Apparantly, when your hair feels dry from a $30 hair-dryer its just lying. Cheap solution didnt work. With the heating and fan on full Loo Sea (1995, Honda Civic) was still struggling to give me a clear view of the road.

Solution?

Shower before going to bed instead of first thing in the morning

If there are no more entries on this blog, you’ll be able to infer the result, otherwise I’ll let you know how this experiment in basic physics works out,

W wet-hair-disguised-as-dry-hair

After a steamy hot shower (mmMMmmm….) I tumbled into the trusty old Honda Civic (called Loo Sea). Loo Sea’s windows instantly went opaque as we left the warmth of my home. I know a bit about physics – condensation is attracted to cold surfaces. So I whacked up the heating controls and directed all the vents at the windows and pulled over while the windows cleared.

Accident avoided.

Guess I’ll have to either shave my head or get a hair-dryer because Loo Sea’s directional heat controls are a bit funky.

Wendy wet-hair

There is a slightly different perspective on what constitutes a 2-way street in the UK. This is an examples where its perfectly clear that drivers will have to negotatie the direction of the street on a car-by-car basis…

When parking on these street’s many car-owners typically flip their wing-mirrors against their car to avoid loosing them through collisions when a car passes by.

The leafy lane leads to my parent’s home, where I’m currently convalescing…

Wendy Wecovering-Well

The MG Rover group (Rover) crawls to it’s death in April 2005. It represented the remnants of the UK’s home grown mass production car industry.

The short story is that it was gradually asset stripped by BMW and the ‘Phoenix 4′ for over a decade with questions about management competency and organisational culture.

The Long(bridge) story reads more like a Greek (Hollywood?) Epic. It moves from the UK car industry as a cottage industry through mergers to Nationalization and beyond! It covers political turmoil with the demise of Unions, evolution of ‘New Labour’ and differing government involvements in this industry. The SWP (extreme) socialists blame the ineffectiveness of Unions and Labour government for Rovers demise. There are international players (Honda) and big money wheeling and dealing buy-outs (BMW), sell-outs (BMW) and government inquiry’s. Throw in somequestionable accounting practices and an infamous controversial home-grown team “Phoenix 4” who bought the company for £10 from BMW in 2000. Add an impending pension scandal for the estimated 6,000 employees at the company, impacting even more dealerships. The impending pension scandal ensures the story will stay live for years to come. Where-as the Warkwickshire county cricket team will probably have to return their cars gained from a sponsorship deal in the near future.

The BBC reports: “An estimated 15,000-20,000 jobs in the area are supported by business from Longbridge.” Apparently there is little left of value. Even the name “Rover” was licensed from the German company BMW.

There are lots of potential hero’s and bad guys, often the same guys… …while the Local Longbridge employees are undoubtedly the worst impacted victims.

Jeremy Clarkson, provides his epitaph, uniquely in all the summaries, based on the quality of the recently produced cars.

Wendy

Today my 1995 Honda had its ‘emissions’ tested to check that they are consistent with the standards required by the county where the car is registered. A Vehicle emissions test is a necessary pre-requisite to obtaining “tabs”. Tabs are small coloured plastic labels showing a ‘date’ when they ‘expire’. They last one year. They are attached to the car license plate to indicate that Road taxes have been paid for this vehicle and it has passed an emissions test. The UK equivalent of Tabs comes in the form of an “MOT” and tax disc. Washington state does not check the road-worthiness of the car beyond the car emissions. This was a shock to me. Realizing that road vehicles are not checked for road-worthiness beyond their emissions. The MOT is a very effective way of ensuring lack of accidents due to poor car maintenance, it probably saves lives.

What’s the process like?

• The local “DOL” (Department of Licensing) sends the registered vehicle owner a letter to remind them that they need to renew their tabs every year, sometimes (not annually) it includes a requirement to have emissions tested. This letter arrives about 2 months before the Tabs expire.
• You find a vehicle emissions test center. They publish current ‘wait times’ online (that rocks!). You drive your car to a station. They actually recommend that you warm the engine-up with a 15 minute drive and keep it warm to increase your likelihood of passing.
• You sit in a line of cars leading to covered, outdoor checking station (in my case). The cars are generally older, the smell of all the ‘running’ engines is not pleasant. Even though the test center is outdoors I noticed it was supplied with multiple, large, fans. They weren’t running today.
• As you drive from the line in the street, to the line in the forecourt of the testing station you take a ‘ticket’ this ticket is stamped when you are tested. This provides the ‘wait time’ information that is published on the web-site.
• You pay, you park the drive-wheels of your car over some ‘rollers’ and get out. A tester puts a long cable in the exhaust pipe of your car and plugs a computer of some form into your lighter-socket. He then drives your car (without moving) over the rollers. He watches a TV display (which I couldn’t see) that presumably gives some sort of ‘live’ feedback. Then he gets out of the car, unplugs everything, and gives you a print-out of your results. The actual test only took about 5 mins.

I think an MOT would be quite a cultural suprise to americans, both in terms of ‘time’ to get the test completed, the sheer breath of things tested, and of course – the cost!

WET – Wendy Emissions Tested

I’m about to spend a week driving  in the UK.    I’ll be reading Ben Elton’s “Gridlock” (review from ‘Punch’ 1991).   The book title alone is  personally relevant  given the time I’ll be spending in s ‘Small Car” (Peugeot 205) on infamous roads!

I’ll be driving  on the M25  (nicknamed ‘Road  to Hell), the London North Circular, A4, A40   M4,   M40, M3, M23, M27,   and other lesser known but equally mystical  highways.    I do find British roads fascintating.    There is even a webpage describing infamous bad Motorway junctions!.   Such a thoughtful service to internet enabled drivers.

 The infamous Swindon “magic roundabout” is just one of those life experiences that everyone should have

It is the ultimate ‘traffic calming’ device.   You have no idea where you should be going,   where another confused driver might be coming  from, or who has the right of way.   The ony safe strategy is to drive extremely slowly, keep looking around, and ignore your mobile phone..!

I must confess  my road-geeky-ness inspired me  to read Jack Kerouac’s book.      

I love the description of Ben’s book as a “Comedy Thriller“.   That description applies directly to roads and junctions  like the Magic Roundabout!  

Excerpt from the linked review:

“Gridlock is about that den of capitalist conspiracy, that teeming cesspit of iniquity, that well-known centre of the military-industrial complex, the…er…car industry. Yes, that’s right. Elton has got a bee in his bonnet about motor cars. He doesn’t like their macho image, he doesn’t like their snooty names, and he doesn’t like the carbon monoxide they spew out into the atmosphere. Above all, he doesn’t like traffic jams. Faced with a traffic jam, Elton starts frothing at the mouth with righteous indignation. In Elton’s exaggerated, hyped-up view, traffic jams are responsible for the death of innocent babies. In one scene, for instance, a heart destined for Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital gets held up in a traffic jam and the patient dies.”

When I return I’ll let you know if the actual book lives up to  this generally  rather unencouraging review.   I know the roads so well already they are like old friends

Sleep tight,    Wendy