scribbles tagged ‘computers’

more than no-one

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

Google analytics provides a ‘site overlay’ that shows your website with in-place click-through statistics.   A geek like me will spend time wandering through such statistics saying ‘oOOoooo‘   and ‘Aaah‘ and ‘what does it all  mean?
Clicks on wendyhome banner

For 4 weeks,   September 2009, Google analytics says that I had 4,681 ‘visits’.  

I rashly infer that visitors want to know something about who is writing this nonsense (8.1% on who’s wendy) or are interested in finding food (0.3%), or why I’m bothering to write about anything at all (0.2%).   Some people consider whether to comment, or why I might consider stopping people from publishing their commentson my blog, (0.1%).  

More than no-one,   some-one,   is interested in who inspired me to blog ( >0.0%) while no-one wants to  sign-up to receive notifications of my posting in thier RSS reader.

Here’s what Google Analytics says, in numbers, about what visitors click on:

  • Scribbles (The Wendy House home page) = 5.9%
  • Who’s Wendy = 8.1%
  • Why Scribble = 0.2%
  • Comment control = 0.1%
  • Food foraging = 0.3%
  • Credits =   > 0.0%
  • RSS = 0%

I prefer the notion of ‘somone’ over the numerical representation of more than no-one  (> 0.0) looked at who I credit with inspiring my blogging.   The relationship between significant (meaning) and signifiers (often numbers) is frequently obscure and sometimes misleading.

Ho hum

3 bits of fabulous banter »

minimalist design. maximist advertising

Friday, August 7th, 2009 | tags:  |

Tottenham Court Road tube stationSanyo Samsung shouts for the value of their laptops.   From  the walls of the escalator and between the handrails,   red blue and green for people who value minimalist design.

Are there people who value both minimalist design and maximalist advertising?  

I wonder how the  ladies, dressed  in tight fitting black clothes with with long legs  and high heals,- fitted into the selling strategy?  Looks like  Sanyo Samsung are primarily selling to men.

4 bits of fabulous banter »

Error of the week

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

Which of this weeks ‘errors’ do you think should win my error of the week award,   and why?

  1. Transient notification of a ‘USB Device Not Recognised’?
  2. Network Diagnoistics ‘Windows tried a repair but a problem still exists’?
  3. Or the classic old favourite from IE8 ‘Internet Explorer has stopped working’?

Still a problemUSB Device MalfunctionWindows closed IE

4 bits of fabulous banter »

more high maintenance than a t-mobile relationship

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 | tags: , , , ,  |

Blue Screen RecoveryAfter the perpetually  irritating, poorly designed user interface,  web n walk software appeared to completely fail I removed it from Vista.  

The removal process involved webnwalk software telling me to reboot my computer.   As my computer re-started Vista Blue screened,   I scrambled for my camera but sadly missed the moment.   When Vista started it made sure that I knew about this unexpected shutdown.

2 bits of fabulous banter »

laptop dancing

Thursday, June 11th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

A phrase uttered by a radio presenter to describe the new use of an ex magic shop, a place for   ‘Laptop Dancing’ .  

Do I hear you ask:

Is this a place where sequin and spandex covered laptop computers  bounce around in close proximity with young upcoming professional people on underfloor-lit dancefloors to a funky disco beat?

Here’s a couple of young professionals practicing their laptop dancing :

One of their commenters sums up this new cultural phenomena  rather well using new-english:

wahey!!! this is gonna be huuuuge in the future!! Just get out ya fackin’ laptop beast out sum choonz, whack it on ya shoulder and jus fackin dance!!! awoooooooooogaaaaaa!!!!!!!”

1 wonderful musing »

ping remote host

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  in this case Windows Network Diagnostics:

When planning your party make sure you employ communicative DNS servers to hand-out the canopes and if your host is being a bit remote,   just ping him a bit and he’ll deliver cuddles all round.

ping host

*  past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, a neighbour  and Reading Police
2 bits of fabulous banter »

stopped working

Sunday, June 7th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

Outlook Stopped WorkingAt least I get diversity from my regular doses of reactionary software,   it’s like the early 1970′s all over again, retro-chic software on a 3 day week working to rule.   Your guess is as good as mine over what rule it will work to.

At least Windows is acting as an arbitrator, looking for a solution on my behalf,   this is on top of the 169 problems it recently investigated on my behalf.

1 wonderful musing »

bad request

Saturday, June 6th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Dad:   you can make elecronics stop working just by walking into a room
Wendy:   I thought I was being paranoid
Dad: No.   Not Paranoid. You have a talent for disrupting electronics
Wendy: thanks dad,  its good to know I’m not paranoid
Neverland:.

Bad Request XULRunner stopped working connection failed

4 bits of fabulous banter »

problem reports and solutions

Friday, June 5th, 2009 | tags: , , , , , ,  |

169 problems!Windows Vista provides problem reports and solutions. That  is helpful for people who want to try and fix something now, cheaply.   We don’t have to  pay for a service specialist or spend hours fiddling in the depths of the control panel.  This  is quite nice of them.   Or is it?

All Neverland’s 169 reported problems are atribbuted to Windows rather than other applications.   Should I be alarmed by Windows?  Or, iIs this because other programs don’t use the Windows  problem reporting system or is it because Windows has an infinitely  higher problem rate?

On planet wendy there are no problem reportsbecause the program causing the problem would receive the report, fix it then make me a cup of tea and compliment me on my choice of frock.

3 bits of fabulous banter »

the new ‘no TV’

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

Young Adult #1:   I have 3 friends that live together who don’t have a computer in their home, one is a librarian, one is a shoe-shop assistant and the other works for the council.     They don’t even  have facebook accounts.

Young Adult #2 : No FACEBOOK?!

Young Adult #1:  ’No computer’ is the new ‘no TV’

3 bits of fabulous banter »

biometrics

Saturday, May 9th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

BiometricsToday I have been using a very shiny laptop that hosts a fingerprint reader thingy for a secure logon.   This will be very secure

if

the US government doesn’t use one of their many, many copies of my fingerprints  to break into the laptop,

or

no-one lifts one of my fingerprints from the shiny laptop lid

1 wonderful musing »

not OK

Sunday, April 19th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Microsoft Visual C + + Runtime Library (MVCRL) kindly burst this  little message onto Neverland which left me

SCARED:    an  exclamation mark,   a red circle with white cross and   the word ‘error’.   This looks serious.   Something is broken.

CONFUSED:  

  • application?   do I need to rub lanolin on my computer?
  • runtime?   do I need to run somewhere and time it?   what does this mean?   Why am I being told it?
  • Did it get stuck in the stack overflow?
  • Why tell me?

INSTRUCTED:   to contact IE7 and, or, MVCRL support teams for more information looks like I should  know more.

UNINFORMED: how do I contact them,   how do I find out how to contact them?

IE 7 runtime errorIf the Microsoft IE7 team’s program (application?)  is going to make unusual requests to the Microsoft VCRL team’s program (application?) it should do it directly without hassling me to learn technical jargon and find out how to contact them then PAY for the pleasure of talking to them because they can’t be bothered to talk to each other before shipping software that produces errors and causes me emotional distress.

Pooooeeey

1 wonderful musing »

stack overflow

Saturday, April 18th, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

I was browsing along minding my own business, or rather minding the business of Schrockthehouse when suddenly,   without warning I was accosted by a stack overflow on line 1.

What is a girl to do?

I was totally unprepared for this outpouring of stack,   this flow from line 1.   Do I need help?     Do I need a new stack?   Do I need  a stack-removal operation from a highly qualified expensive surgeon?   Should I phone a stack-support line?   I was confused and frightened.

It’s alright because there was a button telling me it was OK.

Phew.

Stack overflow at line 1 of Schrockthehouse

5 bits of fabulous banter »

8pointsomething333333333333333334days

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009 | tags: ,  |

8pointsomething33333333333334How long ago did I create my facebook profile picture album?  

I’m not abusing facebook, not at all, no, we’re actually very good friends 78.33335589% good friends.   Excel can confirm the decimal point and can even convert the Facebook fraction of a day  into hours, minutes and seconds.   Excellent.   I’ll just be left with the problem of working out what to use this information for…

1 wonderful musing »

incidentally

Friday, March 20th, 2009 | tags: ,  |

I requested a copy of my credit report online and received an email confirming receipt of the request:

Your incident has been successfully received

A request is a subset of incident?   Successfully received as oppose to received unsuccessfully?   Do humans really write this stuff?   How long does it take those humans to loose the skill of communicating with people as if they are people rather than logical systems.    

I will take to using this language whenever anyone asks me for something…

Wendy House guest:   can I have another mug of that yummy Earl Gey?

Wendy: your incident has been successfully recieved.   Version 2 tea will be downloaded from the pot then installed in your waterproof receptical.   Do not unplug your enthusiasm or press the ‘I’ve changed my mind’ button.

2 bits of fabulous banter »

Neverland’s first virus

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

In keeping with the winter season of Norovirus bugs, flus and colds, yesterday Neverland got her first virus. I’m still not sure what exactly happened and how I fixed it, this is our story.

Symptoms:

  • IE7 kept opening tabs with facebook as the homepage – signed into my facebook account.
  • Killing the IE process in the task manager didnt help – IE just fired more and more browser windows until all the processing power was used.

Is that some sort of script? How did I get it? I’ve got the fancy new Windows Vista User Account Control. I washed my hands before and after handling Neverland, I even did the laundry, my life is just THAT exciting and risky.

What Wendy did after the virus experience

  • Opened the start menu and typed ’system restore’ into the start search.
  • Restored the system for yesterday, before the virus.
  • Waited while the restore happened.
  • Opened IE and removed facebook as a homepage tab.
  • Ran a scan with my defualt (free with Neverland purchase for 30 days) virus software (MacAfee).
  • Opened Windows defender, discovered that it is turned off by default on the machine from Sony. Tush. Turned it on and ran it – No problems showed up with the ‘quick scan’.

Good to know that the fabulous system restore took me back just one day and pre-illness. If only life was that simple! I still don’t know how I caught it in the first place…. …and now I’m supersticious about opening Facebook, I’m not planning on doing it until someone’s told me what probably happened and how to avoid it happening again…..

what do you think of that »

not you

Thursday, December 11th, 2008 | tags: , , ,  |

Apparantly the new version of Windows Vista is not for me,   its for some other user…
not me, the computer wants an

1 wonderful musing »

politically correct passwords

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008 | tags: ,  |

On a website called ars technica Joel Hruska points out that a Lloyds bank employee took offense at a customers online banking password ‘Lloydispants‘ then changed the password to  ‘noitsnot’ .   When the customer tried to change the password again the Lloyds employee  told the customer that several, slightly  insulting to Lloyds,  suggested passwords were also unacceptable.  

On discovering this story Lloyds officials declared that customers can have any secure password they want and added that the employee in question is no longer with them.  

With that pluck and sense of humour Lloyds should have promoted the employee into a position of influence.

4 bits of fabulous banter »

I want Vista

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008 | tags: , , , ,  |

Reasons to retire Darling,   part 4

1. Increasing requirements to contact computer support services

2. I am developing  obstreperous-w intolerance.

3. 8loody hail, breeding task manager

4. I WANT Vista

I’ve used a Vista machine and I love all the search-stuff (start menu, control-panel),     I no longer have to remember where I put things.

Its got a thing called ‘snippit’ which takes pictures of what’s on your screen in a much easier way that control-print-screen,   open-paint,   then paste.  

It’s pretty! The computer I used running Vista is a rather ugly thing,   unlike Darling.   I want to marry the two,   prettiness of Darlings body-work  with  the  human-memory-complimenting  functionality of Vista.

1 wonderful musing »

8loody hail, breeding task manager

Sunday, August 3rd, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Reasons to retire Darling,   part 3

1. Increasing requirements to contact computer support services

2. I am developing  obstreperous-w intolerance.

3. Generally increasing bizarre behaviours that do not actually require support calls because they are solved by reboots.  

In this example we see the results of my having hit control-alt-delete (CAD)  in an attempt to get the task-manager so that I can Zap the program that for some reason is now using all my processing power….   nothing happened… then…     …I didn’t press CAD that many times,   its been breeding…

8loody hail, breeding task manager

 

what do you think of that »

Darling’s double-you

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

Darling and I have trouble communicating multiple U’s.  Darling’s  w-key is  getting fussy about being pressed,   it requires twice the pressure of any other key before it ill register a letter.   The increasing dodgyness of the keyboard as one of the core early symptoms of Tinkerbell’s stealth senility and eventual  NMI Parity death.  

After over  2 years of daily blogging and travelling all over the place (and Spokane) maybe Darling is seeking retirement perks.

1 wonderful musing »

windows support commuties are quite good

Saturday, July 12th, 2008 | tags: , , ,  |

windows support answer to my query

No curmudgeonist moments for me today.

In less than a 24hr turnaround I got a response that was concise and useful.   I also tried to report my ‘bug’ to Google,   I couldn’t find a way to report it,   I used their ‘questions’ section and,   to my knowledge, no-one replied.  

what do you think of that »

IE7, a cheeky little browser

Thursday, June 5th, 2008 | tags: , , , , ,  |

I am a little bit short-sighted,    

I can read my computer screen with normal font sizes despite their ridiculously small size.  

Then one day,  

unexpectedly,

IE7 decided to give me

buttons bigger than bars of soap

and black-out the page content.  

It’s a cheeky little browser.

That IE7

what do you think of that »

personal coach

Saturday, May 31st, 2008 | tags: , , ,  |

Feeling pleased with myself for first discovering how to create a useful survey in Microsoft Office Sharepoint 2003,   then created one,   I finally sent  a link  out to some colleagues asking for feedback on the survey content.  

Colleague:   Do you want feedback on all the typing, spelling,  grammar and spacing errors?

 The words ‘wind’ and ‘sails’, (or sales),  with a liberal dose of ‘removed’   colons; semi-colons, commas and apostrophes galloped around my mind as I wondered whether ‘discrete personal editorial coaches’ is a job description gaining momentum  in the  service industry  …

what do you think of that »

owning children

Sunday, May 11th, 2008 | tags: , , ,  |

viewer of my desktop background (vomdb):   are they yours?

Wendy: (?????) I took the picture

vomdb:   yes, but are they yours?

Wendy:   I don’t own the flats,   but they looked pretty in the sunset so I took a photograph of them

womdb:   are they your children playing football?

Wendy:   no,   but that’s my shadow behind the shadow of that tree

3 bits of fabulous banter »

Earley cafe internet access

Thursday, May 8th, 2008 | tags: ,  |

In the small cafes of Earley on Wokingham Road you can find mugs of tea,   English breakfasts and free wireless internet access.     You can also find many second-hand  shops (US = Consignment,   thrift)  raising money for good causes:   Sue Ryder,   Barnados, Amnesty International to name 3 in but a mere 100 yard amble from Palmers park.  

The Wendy House still doesn’t have its own internet access so public hotspots have become an essential part of my weekend routine…   ..and jolly good fun it all is too.  

what do you think of that »

branding. part 1

Saturday, April 5th, 2008 | tags: , , ,  |

facilitator:   what’s this?

Wendy: an excel pie chart?

facilitator:   anything else?   a branding symbol

Wendy:   errrrrrmmmmm…

facilitator:   Mercedes

Wendy:   I’m a pedestrian

facilitator:   [?????]

what do you think of that »

EULAs

Friday, December 7th, 2007 | tags: , , ,  |

An End User Licence Agreement (EULA) is the long legal agreement presented to you before you can use a specific software service.   Wikipedia says:

“The enforceability of an EULA depends on several factors, one of them being the court in which the case is heard. Some courts that have addressed the validity of the shrinkwrap license agreements have found some EULAs to be invalid…     … No Court has ruled on the validity of EULAs generally; decisions are limited to particular provisions and terms

I suspect that end users rarely read or,   and even more rarely, understand the implications of the EULA.   This undermines a EULAs validity  beyond merely establishing a common-sensical understanding of software use.   I have no idea what a common-sensical understanding might be except perhaps privacy of the individuals’ information and the service providers intellectual property. I would value seeing an introduction of readable,  understandable, short EULA’s.   Eulas that are actually designed to communicate to potential users rather than  covering the legal-butt of the service providers.  

Given that the software providers MUST know that their users DO NOT READ and most likely DO NOT UNDERSTAND the provided EULA,   merely providing a requirement to accept before progressing is INSUFFICIENT safeguard for either the service provider of the user.    

A google search on the phrase “guidelines for producing understandable EULAs” did not find any such guidelines.   In my opinion the software and legal industries are morally obliged to produce short, succinct, clear EULAs otherwise a Nation’s court systems wealthy users will have to pay,   through expensive disputes,   to establish the precedents that may be limited to nation,   state, laws rather than developed for the general good of people who I suspect behaive in a consistent way when dealing with EULAs.   Less empowered people will pay through loosing their privacy and rights through lack of awareness of what the service is actually costing them.   Recently a friend on facebook invited me to join a group called  â€Against Facebook integrity rape“.   The group’s point appeared more generic to EULA’s generically,   treating facebook as a specific case.   The group description says:

Automatically people who join facebook accept a 13-page legalcontract. This contract in short makes ALL your info, pictures and EVERYTHING you do on Facebook their property.
You don’t have to accept this. If enough people empty their photoalbums and only have a protest or nothing as profile photo, then perhaps they will react. Also if enough people join this group and mail Facebook that this slave contract isn’t OK that would help to keep pressure on them.

I chose not to join this group  because I object to the groups  unwise choise to  use of the terms slave and  rape to describe Facebook’s EULA agreement.   This choice under-emphasizes the extreme negative experience of slavery and rape,  the absolute  lack  of free choice available to slaves,    in a EULA  people have CHOSEN to publish information that could be used in (EULA detailed) ways that  are more akin to the experience of THEFT than RAPE where there is no consent.  Understanding how your information, writings, pictures, held by a service  will or wont be subject to proliferation,   republishing etc is a fundamental civil rights issue that deserves the attention of people equipped to make good decisions on behalf of normal , click and explore rather than read essays, software users.

Why hasn’t it happened already?

Has it happened and I missed it?

what do you think of that »

UK government loses parents identities

Sunday, November 25th, 2007 | tags: , , ,  |

OOOOPS!   the BBC reports that the UK govenment  has  mislaid the indentity information of people who claim child-support benefit.    Everyone with a child under 16 is entitled to this benefit.  

Alistair Darling does have a fabulous name,   at school in the 1970′s my teachers referred to boy-pupils by their family name,   can you imagine referring to him as Darling in class.   Character building all around I’d say!

1 wonderful musing »

Excel expounds on decision quality

Saturday, October 27th, 2007 | tags: ,  |

Decision quality is inversely proportional to the rate of decisions made and directly proportional to prior experience of making similar decisions provided the hormone level remains constant which the bugger never does.  

what do you think of that »