wendy house

The Consultant’s interpretation of my message during our meeting doesn’t match my understanding. This is what I recall telling him:

“I’ve broken my arm on 4 different occassions, the pain of breaking my arm was always less than the pain I experience during the first hour or so of my periods”

This is what the consultant wrote in the letter refering me back to my GP:

“She admits to having pain during period for an hour or even a day or two this is probably ok”

After reading this I’m no longer suprised that I had to ask him about ways of allieviating the pain – he thought this level of pain was ok. I’ve never thought that extreme pain was ok.  I tolerate it, often by being unconscious (fainting). Occassionally I’ve visited the GP to ask if there is any way of allieviating it because the fainting is a bit disconcerting for people around me and not very nice for myself either. I’d rather my body didn’t feel the need to switch my brain off. Luckily the shutdown is slow enough, like Windows 7, that I can make sure I’m safe before loosing total consciousness

wendy: I tend not to take pills, even when they’re prescribed. They gave me pain killers when I broke my arm, but I didn’t take them..

The doctor touches my leg again, this feels intrusive, but I’ll let it pass because I think he’s trying to be empathetic

Doctor: It’s going to hurt, you’ll need to relax so I’m prescribing these Diazepam pills to help you relax

I’m baffled, I’ve just told the doctor that I have a tendancy not to take pills yet he’s prescribing some

Wendy: the pills are to make me relax?

Doctor: Yes, it will hurt less if you’re relaxed, they’re quite strong so you shouldn’t drive after taking them

I nearly didn’t pick-up the prescription for Diazepam because I don’t want to take them. I’ll take them once and see what the experience is like. Maybe I’ll blog while I’m under the influence. Blog if I’m not so busy being chilled that I can’t be bothered. I discalim any responsibility for incoherence in my next blog post. I’ll be all drugged up

After each conversational turn he leant forward and touched my knee. I tried not to flinch at this intrusive, well-meant gesture. My coat still buttoned, legs and arms crossed against the cold of the unheated large Victorian parlour. Words like ‘hysterectomy’ conjur up strong images of knives and blood. To say that I flinched at the word would be an understatement. I fired the phrase NO INVASIVE SURGERY. My words ricochet around the uncarpetted consultation room. Not that the doctor was suggesting a hysterectomy, no,no, no, just raising my awareness of possibilities… …decisions come after a more thorough diagnosis. Diagnosis based on scans and tests conducted with grandly named ugly equipment referred to by, hopefully, obscure acronyms

My overreaction noted, he adjusted his conversational tone to include flattering my ego and being concerned. A good strategy for dealing with me

..there has to be a reason why and intelligent, mature woman like you….

He cited the evidence of my non-conformity to NHS quota filling activities. I felt like a school child being told-off for not having done their homework. It’s not a feeling I’m used to, I’m normally very keen to get my homwork done on time and to a a high standard. The last time I’d talked about this was 7 years ago, to my brother. His immediate reaction had been ‘cut it out!’. I was stunned at his eagreness to have me chopped-up when there wasn’t a convincing need for it. Surgery was just one option. I made a mental note – never delegate decisions about my health to my brother. Seven years ago, the USA health insurance paid-for doctor agreed the best way forward was my preferred choice of “lets wait and see“. Procrastination doesn’t come easily to me… except in this case… ….another new experience…

Now we’re having the “see” part, after 7 years of the “wait” part. I suspect the original doctor wouldn’t approve of a 7 year wait. But in all fairness to me, we hadn’t specified a time frame. I’m hoping the outcome will not be surgery and trying desperately not to overreact

Generally I’m failing

Using this fun NHS service I pinpointed a GP surgery within ambling distance of the big white house.     It told me that the surgery was taking on new patients and performance metrics including patient-survey responses compared to national and regional averages.   While being impressed  I phoned the chosen surgery  and the receptionist made an appointment for  the registration process.   Guess what I’ll need to bring to the appointment?

• Passport (luckily my drivers licence will do)
• Proof of address (bill with my name and address on it)
• Dr.’s card.  ”The small card with a purple bit and your NHS number on it“