wendy house

NOW!

The pumkins have been gathering in and around large stores.   They are luring unsuspecting families to pumpkin patches.    Be careful,   they are everywhere in the US,   they are sneaky,   they disguise themselves as lamps and pies.   They can make a very squidgy mess of seeds and gooey stuff.   They haven’t yet taken a strong hold in England,   where parsnips are more prolific but it could happen.   Be careful.

now this is evidence of serious  specialising.   A market dedicated to potatoes and a carpark for them too.   P for parking or P for potato?

friend: there was something else I wanted to tell you about but I’ve forgotten …..
wendy: interview,  driving, kerouac, exam, Budapest, spa, Spain
friend: Spain!

by and by she told  the story of the testical salad, alas, an unpublishable urban tale

I shovel  swiss chocolate into my mouth between swigging from a pint mug of tea while an ample lady watches…   …aghast… she interrupts my food focus by asking:

ample lady: do you have a high metabolism?

wendy: I don’t know,   how would I find out?

ample lady: do you eat a lot and never really put on weight?

wendy: I don’t eat  a lot and I don’t put on weight

Do not underestimate a North American’s need for ice cubes.

If you  haven’t been raised with the ever-present  ice-cubes of North America their necessity is not obvious.   Practically edible makes the following points:

“In Europe, however, Ice Cubes are not so omnipresent…       ….In North America, though, serving drinks at the right, chilled temperature does seem to be a matter of life or death for its inhabitants. Ice Cubes have therefore become a very complex topic”  

Practically edible suggests that the difference evolved due to space constraints with Europeans not having sufficient  superluous space to house large freezers or use their limited freezer space for ice when it could be used for to ensure more nourishing food items last longer.    My experience suggests that the existance of ice in the drink is more critical than the temperature  to the North American experience.    

 You can even buy pre-packaged,   unfrozen, ice-cubes from “Ice Rocks”!   Now that’s just a bit too silly for me.   In the NW USA you can buy bags of ice-cubes in the supermarkets.    

Iced drinks provide one way to stay cool in hot southern States and desert areas  .   When crossing the USA last summer taking breaks  at soda shops to cool ourselves with an iced  drink was a pleasure in a way  the UK climate would not induce.    During this drive,   encouraged by my native companion, I  tried a drink made with ground-ice and flavouring,   a ‘Slushy’.  

Wikipedia summarises the North American ice cube addiction using cultural comparisons:

“Traditionally, drinks in the United States are served with ice; in Europe they are served with or without ice. In India and other parts of the world, it has traditionally been viewed as unhealthy to drink something with ice in it; today, many older Indians still refuse to use it”

Can you imagine a North American  trying to feed an elderly Indian an ice cube and the Indian STILL tries to refuse it?   Outrageous!   How ignorant can you get?   Nevermind,   the younger Indians are more susceptible to the propaganda of ice cube necessity so resistance will eventually die out.  

I wonder what impact ice has on your taste-buds or your ability to digest efficiently?    I couldn’t find anything enlightening on these topics online.   North Americans can get very testy over  lack of understanding of their ice addiction.    Examples of North American’s flaming Europeans for not indulging the ice addiction on Answer.com.  

The Wikipedia ice cube entry closes with this caring warning for people not familiar with the complexities and dangers of handing ice cubes:

WARNING: For your own safety, do not attempt to freeze any part of your body.

The isle closest to the entrance of the fridge is dedicated to breakfast.    One side is ‘pancake mix’ the other ‘cold cereal’.   The fridge is often this crowded.   A girl could get agrophobic agoraphobic in here or maybe I should try a stronger deodorant?

The shere breadth and depth of the bulk of merchanding for Valentines day is invasive and more than a tad disturbing.    By contrast,  the subtlety of the preparations in the produce section of my local supermarket  are personally pleasing;  

censorable thoughts

This flick-r photograph of a trifle made by Wendy, little-old-me!,  using Delia Smith’s outstanding recipe has been selected by a UK government sponsored website picture researcher to represent the trifle as an icon of England.   Some of you lucky fellows have experienced the luxury of eating  some of my sherry triffles.   With sufficient advanced ego-rubbing and beer supplies I can be persuaded to bring one of these gems to the home of anyone I know living nearby….

getting  a canteen lunch is a veritable  obstacle course:

• How long are the queues at the different stands?  
• How fast are the queues  moving?  
• How long do I have?  
• What’s available that I like and haven’t eaten  recently?  
• How much money have I got in my pocket?

I waited in a long, slow moving, queue  at a stand where I liked everything on display.    To add a surprise element   I decided to copy the order placed by the tall slim American fellow in front:

 ”bay sill chicken“

I repeated this phrase exactly.   This was my first time pronouncing Bay Sill rather than ‘Bass Ill’   My UK home used to have its own bay sill where I would sit in the sunshine with the fluff balls while we each tackled the Sunday paper in our own, unique, ways.

Most pleasant,  but alas, not edible.

two pieces of cherry pie in Grandma Joe’s cafe Ohio.   Is this cost in dollars or  something more sinister:  

Oh my!

If England loose to Portugal tomorrow drowning my sorrows in a fabulous  Cadbury’s chocolate bar is not really an option.   Having a beer is also looking like a dodgy option.

What-ever the outcome we don’t face Argentinia.   Phew.   We had a nasty little ‘war’ with them over ‘the falklands’ in 1982,   lost our place in the 1986 World cup to them when Diego Maradona scored a goal with his HAND (illegal) and the goal was allowed.

what’s a girl supposed to do if we loose?    I’m just not prepared.   Condoms won’t work in this context.   We’ll have to win

granny: “Coffee please”

manager: “unleaded?”

granny: “yes” (deadpan delivery)

neighbour: “can I have some more water”

manager: “No.   I’ve already got your money”

neighbour: “please?”

manager: “Alright,   but I must warn you,   its a little wet“

Mumzie said:

“Darling,   don’t talk with your mouth full.    Spraying partially chewed food over the person you are talking-to is not a skill worth cultivating”

“Darling, the whole world doesn’t want to see your food while you are eating it,   close your mouth”

“If you don’t chew properly you’ll get indegestion“

I suspect mum was onto something.   I’ve not yet had indegestion (42yrs).    I’ve not  taken tablets to avoid indegestion.  

US server: “is the food alright for you”  (just after I put a mouthful of food in my mouth)

Wendy:   chews…     …chews faster…     …chews faster faster…    …swallows…     ….  ”yes it is fine thankyou”

US Server: “that was quite a build-up” turns around and walks away before I can say anything more

I must learn to deal with servers asking me this ‘service checklist’ question while i have a mouth full of food…  

This belt has been holding up my Levi jeans for 28yrs:  

Some of the stories it tells are…  

• puppy fat at 16yrs.  
• oral surgery at 17yrs  restricted  me to sucking body-temperature foods through a straw for  over 2  weeks.     Not appetizing, don’t try it at home.
• low-income  18 thru  28yrs.
• comfortable 30′s.
• changed shape in my mid-30′s (girl’s generally do).
• since turning 40 my trousers  are getting too big for me.    
• time for a replacement belt.

The silent shiny replacement:

after-beer words of wisdom paraphrased in a local (US) regional phraseology:

Wendy: “I needs me a boyfriend to do the cookin’ and stuff, cats is ok but they caint cook”

Matrix: shhhhhhhnnnnrrrrrrrrrr……….

Cats, like boyfriends, can and do snore

Am I DULL or what!!!

Special thanks to

• Jen & Roth  for hosting  with  professional, caring, chef quality food.
• story-telling (unpublishable)  fabulous-food-bringing  guests.

Everything so tasty! It was fun to have a reason to make a trifle for everyone.   Trifle in production:

the dish.    the recipe.

Conversation in the local Diner:

Granny: do you live in the condominium over there?

Wendy: yes

Granny: I live opposite you,   my name’s (unpublishable)

Wendy: oh, hello (smiles and shakes her hand) my name’s Wendy…

Granny: I recognized your…your…erm…top (a fabulous pink fluffy thang)

In England I would meet and get to know my neighbours in the local pub.   In NW USA  this  acceptable social sharing happens in  the Diner.  

Wendy lurrrffffs-diners.

In the works canteen today;

checkout gal: “is THAT  all for you today?”

Um, should I buy something else?   Is she saying I eat too little?   What does she mean???

Wendy eats-like-a-bird

Him: ‘Do you like to work out?’  

Eating 2 huge waffles drowning in cream.   Just the thought of sugar for breakfast makes my stomach turn.   Give my curry on toast anyday!

Me: ‘Heck no! Working my body for fitness’ sake,   Yuck!’

eating cheese & ham omelette because curry on toast wasn’t on the menu (neither were Heinz baked beans).   Sigh.

Him: ‘Then how do you stay so slim?’<

Ah,   so for this USian,  Slim = must ‘Work-out’.  

Must avoid provocative prejudicial comments about afluent greedy Americans being obese because the culture encourages ‘gorging’ themselves on unnecessary food.   Food is cheap here.    It’s a stereotype  that is  difficult to shake-free even when living in the US.   How can I explain this tactfully?
Me: ‘I only eat when I’m hungry ‘

Europe has a ‘growing’ problem of obesity.   As usual,   Europe is ‘behind’ America in this trend,   but catching up quicky.   A side effect of wealth and capitalistic lifestyles?   I’ve been in the US for 6 years.  I’m approximately the same size as when I arrived.  

W   suprisingly-slim-by-US-standards

Yeah,   and I’m still skinny!  
Eat lots of cheese, and I’m still skinny!    
Drink some Beer    and I’m stil skinny!
Drive to work,   and I’m STILL skinny!
Never been on a ‘loose wieght’ diet, and I’m steel skinny!
MuuaaaahahHahahahaha…   W

Tea is a meal.  

Chicken Tika Masala is a very ‘British’ meal.  

I’m not one to lightly cast-off cultural stereotypes so finding this little beauty in the Fridge was cause for 6.5 bounces on the Wendy-scale (variation on the richter scale).

Mildly spicy?   Understatement.    Disappointingly MILD.    When are they going to release microwave meals into the US that are  Manzil’s Digbeth Curry House good?     I suspect this type of meal,   like my nail clippers,  is  currentlly considered too dangerous to come through customs.  

This means I have to cook,   yes COOK to get my regular supply of  hot sauce.   Sigh.

W

My ‘kick-ass’ sage Brennifer wrote:

“How can you not like broccoli? It’s LITTLE TREES! That FIT IN YOUR MOUTH! It’s TREELICIOUS!”no, No, NOThat’s just wrongBrocolli and Celery just ARE wrong.

Wendy will-not-shift-on-this-spiritual-point

 

To paraphrase Jesse a character from “The fast show”  (aka “Brilliant” in US):    

A quick visual scan of the Wikipedia listings of  fruits and Vegetables confirms that no common produce rhymes with the word ‘Hex’.  

Tonight I’m investigating tomatoes.   If I leave these for a couple of days they might go all ‘squishy’,   but you didn’t really need to know that did you?

Wendy   Investigating-the-properties-of-produce  

UK vacation #15

What were the first words spoken to me from an old friend that I hadn’t seen for 10 years?  
Hello?
Good to see you?
You look good?.

No

They were:     Why aren’t you fat?

Quickly followed by:     how long have you been living in America?  

5 years

as we hug he queries again   why aren’t you fat?

To this Brit, and many like him, living in America is viewed as just cause for obesity.  

Its not easy.  I only eat when I’m hungry and no more

Eating is so integrated in the culture of generosity and sharing in America.   Giving food is a way to show you care, accepting the food is a way of demonstrating that you appreciate the caring.   When I turn-down food Americans look personally slighted and I feel like I’ve delivered an ungracious offence.   I can’t justify the refusal by saying Im on a diet because I’m not fat.     I would be fat if I accepted all the generous offers of fabulous food that are made to me.   Its a difficult and ever-present tension between politeness and personal health.    

Wendy  (eats like a ‘bird’)

Classic UK gorgeous food…