:: The Wendy House ::

Phone.

bouncy hot whites cycle.

It was bound to happen one day.

sign me up for the water-proof, slimline, aesthetically pleasing cellphone.

While packing a day-bag to attend a local water-festival I noticed that my Oakley prescription sunglasses were not,  as expected, nestled amongst my collection of spectacles dating back to 1979,  in my spectacle drawer. 

There was a minor panic outbreak  because I will need these glasses for my rapidly impending Greek Sailing Holiday.  I quickly searched all sensible places where I may have put a pair of sunglasses.  They weren’t anywhere sensible.  The following morning I double-checked all the sensible places,  the following morning I looked in a few down-right silly places to put sun glasses (e.g. spare tea caddy).

3 days later,  my morning random search for the oakleys included my winter-jumper draw. There they were,  between two wool jumpers…..  

The passport under the sink and the sunglasses between the woolly-jumpers are two of the Wendy House mysteries that may never be explained…

In the US car ownership is established with a Title.  When you sell your car you transfer the title to the new owner.  Loosea’s title has gone AWOL.  I looked everywhere,  honest.   Luckily a swift check online produced a form for declaring her title lost and releasing it to a new owner.  My signature on the slightly confusing form had to be notarised.  The Notary had to ask for a second opinion about what should be filled-in.  All turned out well in the end.  Hoorah,  despite my relocation induced scattiness Loosea will get to go to a new home,  across the road,  the house opposite,  she’s a bit of a home-body

OOOOPS!  the BBC reports that the UK govenment has mislaid the indentity information of people who claim child-support benefit.  Everyone with a child under 16 is entitled to this benefit. 

Alistair Darling does have a fabulous name,  at school in the 1970’s my teachers referred to boy-pupils by their family name,  can you imagine referring to him as Darling in class.  Character building all around I’d say!

In November I lost my second passport in one year.  I found lost passport # 1 when looking for lost passport #2.  When the UK Govt. sent a replacement passport #2 they put me on a special limited edition.  Limited to 1 year validity.  They call it the scatterbrain edition.

Tonight I found lost passport #2.  It was under an unused dusty note-book,  in a cupoboard, under a sink,  in a bathroom,  a cupboard that I didn’t think I had ever used. 

Passport.  Bathroom undersink cupboard.  Now I think that’s a bit silly. 

This passport is a replacement for a passport ‘Declared LOST’, urgh.  I anticipate delays and humiliation at US immigration.   My new 10yr UK passport ID page has this special warning printed on the back:

Pretty illustrations of different birds on each page and dual language (English and French) almost make up for the likely extra detailed questioning when trying to get back into the US.  Sigh.

The spiral:

• losing things is distressing.
• distress induces scattiness.
• scattiness promotes losing things.
• losing things….(ad infinitum)

The onset of Wendy-(ex)-centric scattiness is predicable.  Keys will use my scattiness to make a bid for freedom.  I can normally track them down after 15 minutes of focused crime scene recreation.  Some items,  things rarely used are more cunning.  Today was a day when a cunning item successfully escaped.

After 8hrs of searching every (list warning):

• pocket (suitcase, bag and coat),
• book (removed from shelf and shaken),
• CD rack (all CDs removed, dusted then replaced),
• drawer (empied, contents shaken, stirred and neatly replaced)
• furniture (under the bead, the sofa crevice, behind shelves)

I’ve decided to let scattiness win.  This time.  Costing me some ‘replacement’ dollars and worse than that the time to complete at least four official forms and report the loss to at least 3 government agencies.  Poooeeey,  must kick this cycle soon.  Given alcohol’s known impact on memory beer could give my keys a good opportunity to make a run for it,  not a good idea….

Where is my freedom, did anyone see it go?   Perhaps it is

• roaming the world disguised as a priest accompanied by the missing pink ’Hello Kitty’ sock.
• filed in an obscure folder on my laptop; fighting viruses, worms, spyware and obscurity.
• unemployed in Slough making crustless sandwiches for the local pub darts team.
• tangled in my kitchen drawer or suffocating in my sofa’s fluffy crevices.
• signed away with the small-print of the mortgage agreement.

Please come back, I love you, I never meant to lose you,  I can change.  Don’t leave me.

note:  inspired by listening to some people sadly reflect on their lives describing collections of possessions and experiences with a disappointment at how this didn’t leave them feeling fulfilled.  To me they sounded as though they had never known freedom, or merely, literally, lost it.  2004. 

by 6pm I’d temporarily mislaid

• Car-park that I’d put the car in
• Laptop power cable

After finding my car and power cable,  while hurrying back to work,  I walked into a ceiling-to-ground glass wall.  Messy.  I left a trial of nose-blood all the way to the rest-rooms.  Suspect I’ll have a couple of black eyes tomorrow. 

An excuse to wear my Oakley sunglasses to hide my black eyes and walk into even more glass walls,  doh!

Meanwhile,  I missed my reminder for my lawyers appointment.  Arriving 30 minutes late as a thunderstorm took out the power so we had to sign and witness documents using a torch (US = flash-ligh).

For the person who found my blog using the search terms “tinkerbell nasty pictures“,  frankly,  that’s just way too naughty.

Imagine a 700 point scale of ’scattiness’ where

• 1 = memory of a goldfish & the perceptual skills of a dead-ant.
• 700 = high resolution digital quality reproduction & Tele-kinetic focus. 

In summary,  this week is on schedule to achieve a rating under 100…..

I’m not depressed,  I’m British

W without-where-abouts

temporarily mislaid:

• car in car-park
• bearings when leaving car-park (drove South instead of North)
• 700 grams of ebullience

Recent college graduate:  “Wow,  you’ve done a lot“

Wendy: “I’m old“

Recent college graduate:  “        ”

Wendy:  “What do you…  ” (guides the conversation to be about the recent graduate’s interests after realising that her quick reply was possibly misread as an ‘abrupt’ conversation ender)

W

The Oxford English Dictionary Online refuses to recognise that ’scatty’ is a legitimate word.  Bloody-mindedness I’d say!  Meanwhile,  the ever faithfull slang dictionary provides a description that clearly matches my colloquial understanding:

 scatty Adj. Absent-minded. Possibly from scatterbrained. {Informal}

Here’s a short (who am I kidding?) account of this autumn’s scattiness that excludes normal stuff like losing my car keys,  my car in the car-park,  and occassionally the car-park I’ve left the car in.  This autumn has proved exceptional.  My outstanding achievement of absent mindedness this autumn includes,  but is not limited to:

1. Left handbag in downtown restaurant. August
2. Left jumper in Bristol. September.  Will be posted as packaging around a B’day present (hooray!).
3. Left camera battery charger with battery plugged into a wall in Portsmouth. October.  Currently in the post.
4. Lost Passport and Advance Parole documents (2x). October. Found them each time within 2 hrs.
5. Lost boyfriend.  October.  Partially retrieved in October.
6. Lost Mobile phone power 2x. October.
7. Left slippers at friends temporary home just before he moved out. October.
8. Left company entrance card-key inside the building when I left,  house keys & lip-balm. Today.  Retrieved all.
9. Lost my appetite. October.
10. Lost sleep.  Monday.  Found Tuesday onward… hoorah!.

 Do I get an award or what?  Just feel the attitude.  Sleep deprivation does wacky things to the superficially normal gal.  I must remember to be polite to my colleagues tomorrow,  or should i….

Wendy where-did-i-leave-my……