scribbles tagged ‘Matrix’

the day after her death

Wednesday, August 24th, 2011 | tags:  |

I could still smell her, the smell when I buried my nose in her fur

still feel the particular silkiness of her fur

smell her breath on my face

hear the timbre of her miaow, for food, for conversation, for irritation

See her green eyes smiling, alerted or sleepy

her amble through the garden, ker-plod down the stairs

A year later I can still imagine seeing, hearing, touching and smelling her. But it fades. I miss her. When I imagine the smell of her fur tears roll down my face.

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Sampo’s arrival in 2003

Saturday, November 27th, 2010 | tags: , , , ,  |

Warning <long soppy story>

Brother and sister kitties exploringI rescued Matrix and Nexus from mad cat woman in Southsea, she told me that I had to give them a home, that they’d always lived together. They joined the Wendy House in June of 1995.

They were rarely more than a few feet apart, they slept, played and hunted together. Ying and Yang.  Three years later I noticed that Nexus was loosing weight and strength. A trip to the vet diagnosed him with feline Lukemia, he was dying slowly with no hope of a cure. It cost me £1.26 to have him euthenaised and the liklihood that Matrix was also ill, was high. It cost me £70 to find out that she was not infected.

The emotional cost was immeasurable. The effect on me, on you, on Matrix. Nexus was put out of his pain. No long lingering death, no fading away gradually. The end of Nexus’s pain was the start of Matrix’s. She constantly looked and called for Nexus, she cried for months. Cudding didn’t help, you wouldn’t let her sleep with us so I started sleeping downstairs on the sofa with Matrix, it helped her, and me, to sleep.

I asked the vet if getting her a companion would help. The vet said Matrix would associate the arrival of a companion with the departure of Nexus so they would not get on well. I had to wait until Matrix had finished grieving. When Matrix stopped grieving she seemed happy enough chasing the local birds and brawling with the local cats. But when I moved to Seattle the coyotes and cat-on-alead-condo-rules reduced Matrix’s ability to entertain herself. With my long days at work, she needed entertainment. A companion.

Cats at christmasI visited all the local cat rescue centres. There were so many. The cats were stacked in rows and rows of individual cages. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to take them all home. In the Bellevue rescue centre they had a large room where the cats could socialise and roam around. I sat in the room watching them. Sampo was wondering from cat to cat, licking each of them. She was elegant and affectionate to other cats.

It took the Bellevue staff two hours to catch her, she was elegant, affectionate to cats, slippery and very people-shy. The Bellevue adoption papers included the condition that I arrange to have her neutered.  The vet said she was about 3 years old and had already had at least one litter of kittens ‘she’ll be prone to putting on weight’

Over the years I’ve systematically tried to overcome Sampo’s fear of people with some success

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the good, the bad and the ugly

Tuesday, October 5th, 2010 | tags: , , , , ,  |

Matrix and Neverland share a glass of wine with meHere we see Neverland having dinner with Matrix and I in a farmhouse style restaruant that tolerates ladies with laptops on their tables. That was


Once you’re up and running with your new, budget, computer, what do you do next? I change the desktop background to that gorgeous picture of Matrix.

When I used the fabulous easy transfer migration wizardy thing to move my files and preferred settings from Neverland, this desktop background picture didn’t move. For a fleeting second I thought this was odd but not a big problem because its so easy to pick a picture and I do enjoy picking and changing the picture.

Can you hear it coming? Can you?

Windows 7 starter does not let you change the desktop background !!!!


my new cupboardApparantly ‘Starter’ means we’ll take away the frivolous fun and your ability to personalise the desktop.  The available colour schemes for the desktop are the ‘Classic’ which mean make it look like Windows 2000 and the high-contrast schemes that make it easier for people with vision defects to use the computer. I can live without personalising the colour scheme but being forced to look at the windows logo on a blue background is a bad decision. Everyone I know enjoys chaning their deskop background.  At work they have to have dull corporate or business backgrounds, but on  their own machines and phone’s they can make it personal, put their own picture as a Background. Even cheap phones let you change the background picture, but not windows 7 starter. That was a big suprise and a major disappointment. It’s a mean not user-focussed decision, that’s just


the good, the bad and the ugly
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Monday, September 6th, 2010 | tags: , , , ,  |

The rain it never stops and I’ve no particular place to go…   …for me this song captures profound sadness so beautifully. 

Japan sang Ghosts

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full stop. stop

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010 | tags: ,  |

stop stopMatrix

Rest In Peace

She had a perky, chirpy, well travelled life from the back streets of Southsea through to the suburbs of Seattle and back to the UK. We spent 15 years together. She will be missed by Sampo and I.

There will be a 7 day blog posting silence in respect of the silence your absence brings into the wendy house.

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fine coat

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010 | tags: , ,  |

vet: she’s got a very good quality coat for a cat her age

wendy: you don’t think euthenasia is the right choice?

vet: I’d feel uncomfortable with PTS, but given her age and heart condition it should definitiely be considered

wendy: good, lets not euthanase her

vet: call me tonight if things dont improve

wendy: no pills?

vet: no pills, the injection should solve it

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caring in the hood

Sunday, August 1st, 2010 | tags: , , ,  |

knock knock

neighbour: hello, I live opposite you over there

wendy: hello

neighbour: is your cat ok? the black and white one

wendy: I think so, she’s quite old and has a heart condition. Not as active as she used to be, why do you ask?

neihgbour: we were worried because we dont see her sitting on your bedroom window like she used to

My neighbour was worreid because her 15 year old cat had died recently.  She knows how upsetting this is. She thought that maybe my cat had died and I needed someone to check that I was ok.  How sweet is that? I love my ‘hood

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myocardial infarction

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010 | tags: , ,  |

For a millisecond, when the vet said myocardial infarction,  I was pleased that I already knew what that meant.  I  didn’t have to add more ignorance to the unnecessarily overwhelming emotional blustering this conversation was producing. 

I had already been put in my place as an ignorant person.  When I told the vet I wanted to try and assessment Matrix’s quality of life I was told in no uncertain terms that the task was impossible and that he, the Vet, couldn’t help.  The suprise at the vet not even trying to help at that point nearly prompted tears.  I managed to hold the tears back until after the phone call. When I assumed the role of ignorant listener to the Vets prefered agenda I managed to sneak in a few questions tothat helped me get to the information I needed, for peace of mind and confidence in being able to make the right decisions for the rest of Matrix’s life.

When making significant life influencing decisions it shouldn’t be quite this hard, professionals should listen first then respect the percieved needs of their paying clients. Me.

Thankfully I now know that my perception of Matrix having a fairly high quality of life is likely to be accurate and that without the outrageously expensive (financially and emotionally) heart treatment Matrix is most likely to pop-her-clogs with a suddent heart attack or a stroke that disables some limbs at which point the vet would recommend euthenasia.

It’s how my grandma died, not the euthenasia, the stroke.

I wish euthenasia had been an option for Gran, she wanted to go, she didn’t want me to see her but I sneaked under the curtains around her bed while my aunts and uncles were squabbling over who had been the most attentive.  Grandma cried when I hugged her.  I got to say I love you, goodbye.

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kitty litter cover-up

Monday, January 11th, 2010 | tags: , , , , ,  |

There is a national shortage of kitty litter.

The National press are conspiring to supress this story.  Some regional press are sneaking out reports. The Burton press managed  this excerpt:

Tesco, on St Peter’s Bridge, sold out of cat litter on Thursday as customers grabbed supplies to use as a handy and effective substitute for gritting salt. Sales have rocketed by 70 per cent in a week.

The East anglia times noted panic purchase of pussy essentials

Customers at Tesco stores in Kesgrave and Martlesham are reporting a shortage of eggs, bread and milk, while there was also word of rapidly emptying shelves at Sainsbury’s in Warren Heath.   Anti-freeze products, boots and thermal underwear have also proved popular, alongside a surprise best-seller – cat litter.

Local councils are running out of grit for the roads so private citizens are stepping-up to fill the void left by the hording and abusing of  the litter of the cat.   This reduces supplies for normal cat toilet abilities.   There could be unanticipated consequences.

Your eyewitness, on the spot, roving reporter  [ME!]  is out and about interviewing the kitties that matter, those  suffering from this very shortage.

In this revealing interview footage we listen to

  • a vey frustrated, unlittered cat
  • icicles melting
  • the police sirens as they chase people deliberately over-purchasing kitty litter for elicit purposes

sinkingMatrix has difficulty walking on the snow and fails to find an acceptable toilet.     Her experience is similar to that of many of the UKs mainly outdoor kitties.

What will happen next?

How can I improvise when my stocks run out and my indoor kitties refuse to conduct their ablutions in the snow. OH!

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sparky sockets

Friday, October 2nd, 2009 | tags: , , , ,  |

British Gas sent a comedy duo round to deal with my Sparky sockets.  

British Gas Electician (BGE):   My cat died yesterday,   he was 15,

Wendy: Matrix is 15

BGE: he looks it

Wendy:   (silence)

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Wednesday, September 9th, 2009 | tags: , , , ,  |

flashless felineMatrix starts chasing her tail.    She has never chased her tail before. I stop making the bed to watch her playfulness,   she is bearing her teeth and growling.   She falls over, her bowels open and her body twitches wildly.   After  less than a  minute she stops convulsing and lies still.   I pick her up and carry her to a warm soft bed on the floor by the phone while I call the emergency vet.   Matrix and I cry as I dial.    

While  the vet questions me. Matrix stops crying and starts to walk around.   Yes her breathing is normal,   yes her movement is normal.   She’s not dragging her back legs.   Her pupils are no longer dilated.   The vet advises me to keep her warm,   let her eat and drink and  watch her closely for an hour.   The vet says it is fairly common for aging cats to have seizures.

I called mumzie.   “Oh yes dear,   Jason had a seizure while he was sleeping,   about 4 years before he died.    He hardly noticed it,  I did because he emptied his bowels all over our nice new sofa, what a mess

Peacefully, Matrix watched while I cleaned the mess.

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tango kitties

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

Matrix hiding in the NigellaThe local cat herd has well choreographed dance routines.   The balletic movements involve sudden, synchronised,  dashes and leaps that are  contrasted with subtle coordinated pre-dash tail-fluffing demonstrations.

The garden stage provides props for leaping over, dashing around, hiding under, elegantly perching upon and a liberal dose of  insects to piroette with.  

Here we find Matrix lurking in the Nigella,   where she prepares to launch straight into a dash,   bypassing her weakest move,   the pre-dash tail fluffing.

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stress reduction clinics

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

DozyMatrix is considering expanding her fundamental skill set into a profit making business by running stress reduction clinics for busy professionals.  

The main obstacle is that she’s way too busy (sleeping).

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crowd averse

Sunday, May 31st, 2009 | tags: , , , ,  |

Quiet cobbled streetCanterbury has more than its fair share of  people roamng the streets on a sunny summers day.   I often shy away from areas that are clearly main attractions during their busy hours.   I’m drawn down the empty streets and alleys.    Generally empty streets are not lined with shops, museums or cathedrals.     Often they do provide other pleasant suprises.   This is one of the alleyways thay  pulled me from the busy streets of beautiful Canterbury.

empty riverside restaurantDown one such alleyway I found this fabulous rivebank restaurant,   disguised as a  stone shed, with few windows with flag-stone floors,   old beamed ceilings, a charming French waitress, an  excellent menu and no other customers.

Eric, Neverland with a picture of Matrix  and a Swedish speaking  Florence joined me for a delectable meal.

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wild wendy home life

Wednesday, May 13th, 2009 | tags: , , , , ,  |

An action packed weekend in the Wendy House garden:

  • a fuzzy-buzzy bee feeds on a rotund allium
  • a Peacock butterfly feeds on another allium
  • the garden robin feeds on insects attracted by my recent digging
  • a harlequin spectabilis ladybird takes a break from aphid eating on one of the acers  
  • Matrix snoozes under another acer
  • A large hornet (2 inches) found its way into my bedroom.   I didn’t know it was a hornet.   They look scarey.     I panicked, squeaked, opened the bedroom windows,   wrapped myself in a curtain and wafted the corner of the curtain at the hornet until it  took the hint and  left via the window.  

Real bee feeds on Allium Peacock butterfly feeds on Allium The local Robin harlequin spectabilis ladybird on Acer cat under katsura acer

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Thursday, April 23rd, 2009 | tags: , ,  |

sleepy sunday catIn a highly controversial move Matrix’s photograph  appears on a website of  cats impersonating Hitler.      She’s not a cat you should risk appeasing,   I’ve tried and lost my favourite chair and the side of the bed nearest to the radiator.   She’s ruthless.

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camouflaged cats

Friday, October 31st, 2008 | tags: , , , , ,  |

 Can you see them?


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PMT treatment #4: strikingly ordinary

Sunday, July 27th, 2008 | tags: , , , , , , ,  |

Today I am focussing all my emotional energy on striving to achieve the dizziest heights of most strikingly ordinariness.   The cats have already fallen into snore-laden sleep.  

I’ll let you kno ho it goes,  though it ont be anything special, so maybe I ont let you kno ho it goes.     e’ll see if its orthy,   after a bout of affly indecisveness of extremely ordinary proportions and hacking my mini-hammer on the wwwwww key.

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Popular conversational topics #3: kitty settling

Monday, July 7th, 2008 | tags: , , , , , ,  |

“how are the cats settling in?”

Thankyou to everyone who  inquired after the wellbeing of my darling  fluffballs.   I am happy to confirm that they have quickly adapted to this Wendy House and are exhibiting a full range of healthy fluff-ball-ee activities,   most notable of which is the Monaco-ish,   formula-1-ish speed and agility,   dangerous-staircase dash.

Dangerous-staircase dash

Starts in the garden where Sampo cues-up Matrix by strutting backward and forward in front of her just out of paws reach.   Next,  Sampo runs for the front-door gathering sufficient speed to arrive before Matrix,    maintaining sufficient control to take the entrance-hall-front-room 90 degrees doorway-bend.   Occassionally Sampo misses the bend and ends up in the bathroom where she is cornered by Matrix and has clearly lost the chase.   After several months of practice she has the hall-front-room doorway-bend almost fully mastered.

The subtle curve on the approach to the foot of the stairs occassionally causes loss of footing on the bare floorboards and is invariably accompanied by liberal doses of meowing from both teams.   The main course-obstacle is the dangerous-staircase u-turn.   The dangerous-staircase u-turn either involves a headlong crash into the front-room wall for those missjudging their momentum,   or falling down the first couple of steps for those misjudging their paw-friction.   Sampo tends to crash into the wall due to belly-induced-momentum,   Matrix tends to slip on the steps.   Once past the first few steps,   if Sampo is still ahead of Matirx she’s pounces  safely to the finish line on the first-floor landing and is ready to start the next round.     Fresh water,   views of local trees and birds are provided on the landing at the end of the course for the competing kitties.

The cats are regularly able and willing to practice this tricky F1 course on a daily basis  often  changing  chaser-chasee roles and investigating route variations including the dinning room table top,   sofa-bends and comfy chair corner.

Ringside tickets are available.

Corporate bookings and sponsorship considered.

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Friday, May 2nd, 2008 | tags: , ,  |

An exciting evening was spent studying pussycat-paw-preferences.   If you are already yawning,   stop reading now,   this is the excitment climax sentence for this blog post.     This is the sound made by the fluffballs decending the staircase  of  danger in  WendyHouse:

Matrix:   bur-bump, bur-bump, ber-pump

Sampo:   bump—bump–bump-bumpbumbbump

Watching the bumpy affair indicates that Matrix always first puts her left-paw onto the next step while Sampo uses the not-insubstantial momentum of her stomach to launch herself down planting her left paw on every other step.   The   cunning corner two steps before the  bottom of the staircase has occassionally taken advantage of Sampo’s momentum to literally bump her.    Sampo, not the brightest of kitties.

Matrix = left-pawed

Sampo = Ambidextrous

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Easter cats

Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 | tags: , , , , ,  |

On the 1hr drive to Reading from the Gatwick Animal Reception Centre Matrix rode gunshot purring, chatting and rubbing the journey away. Sampo silently hid under her food dish. Within an hour of being given free reign of the Wendy House Matrix had eaten, drunk, pooped, then snooped into every cat-sized orifice she could find. Meanwhile Sampo slurped a sack of water then watched the goings-on from the safety of under the dining room table before a tip-toe exploration.

Then. They both got on with the serious matter of snore-laden snoozing in front of the fake-real fire.

Pleasing the kitties was a primary influencer when selecting a new-old Wendy house. The main bedroom, conservatory and fake-real fire are already big-hits. Phew.

Tricky-test passed.

Now champagne and kebabs… Hoorah!

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BIG boo-hoo-meow-ing

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007 | tags: , , , , ,  |


Today I’m  catless, carless,  surrounded by dissembled furniture and half packed suitcases.  

Goodbye blubbing by me and soulful wailing  by Sampo.   Matrix looked her normal relaxed self.

Matrix and Sampo can’t join me in the UK until the last 4 months of their  PETS passport process,    6 months quarantine,  is finished.    Today they moved to their  US  foster home.  

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Sunday, October 14th, 2007 | tags: , , ,  |

It’s cold.   While shivering and looking for a quick dose of warmth I push  my hands deep into my jacket pockets.   In one pocket I felt a warm fluffy object.   Like a soft furry stick.   It did the job but I didn’t know what it was.   I pulled it out of my pocket to take a look.   It was Matrix’s right front leg,   apparantly recently severed from her body.   Still warm and wet with blood.

I woke-up very suddenly.     I suspect that was a real nightmare that wasn’t cheese induced.     Despite distinctly recalling going to bed last night I was definitely not in bed when I woke on the floor about 20 feet from the bed.   At least matrix is okay but I’ve gained a nasty bruise on the back of my  head and an ache to match.  



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malicious mischief

Friday, September 14th, 2007 | tags: , ,  |

Malicious mischief is an actual  offence in Washington State and a way of being for Matrix when she smells roses.     Being  a very English domestic cat she simply loves a mouthful of roses.

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crackling paper party

Friday, March 10th, 2006 | tags: , , , ,  |

Do cats have an informal, accurate, theory of static electricity?

My kitties adore paper.  I leave sheets of crumpled paper on the floor aound my home. They prefer  rolling and writhing  on the paper than the carpet.   The carpet is not natural fibre.   Rolling on the carpet builds static electricity.   Rolling on paper does not.  

Coincidence or clever kitties?   You decide….

Matrix and Sampo play in paper
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cats can’t cook

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006 | tags: , , ,  |

after-beer words of wisdom paraphrased in a local (US) regional phraseology:

Wendy: “I needs me a boyfriend to do the cookin’ and stuff, cats is ok but they caint cook

Matrix: shhhhhhhnnnnrrrrrrrrrr……….

Cats, like boyfriends, can and do snore

Matrix sleeping

Am I DULL or what!!!

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Love Cats

Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 | tags: , ,  |

 700,000 x luuuurrrffffffff to all you doody-cats


Bask in all that BIG  luuuurrrrrffffff


Matrix doing a demo:



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Salemville Amish Blue, Gouda & Meowmix

Sunday, January 15th, 2006 | tags: , , ,  |

This week I’m eating Salemville Amish Blue cheese from Wisconsin.   It is moist, flavourful, crumbly  and tongue-slitheringly creamy….

 Eyan reports that Microsoft Word losing 2 hours of his intellectual effort  and a Gouda supper prefaced this rocky dream:

I was with my mother on the coast somewhere – the coasts were rather open and vast, somewhat influenced by photos I saw on I climbed down a rocky ravine to get down to the beach (this is more influenced by the upper Algarve) My mother was urging me on. But, true to style, I got stuck and was in grave danger of falling off and breaking a good few bones.

After an evening scoffing meowmix; Matrix leapt out of a seamingly deep coma with this dramtically delivered dream report:


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