wendy house

brrrrrrriiiiiiiinnng brrrrrrriiiiiiiinnng

wendy house:  Hello!

BT operative (BT-OH!):  Hello,  is Mr or Mrs House available

wendy house: my parents don’t live here

BT-OH!: Do you pay the bills?

wendy: Are you selling me something?

BT-OH: this phone number is a BT phone number and we have a special offer on Broadband

Phone sales people often want to talk to my mother, dad or to-be-arranged-husband.  It will be sad when my reply is ‘my parents are dead’ until then it’s mildly comical.

Egyptian guide: We will go to Bomay’s pillau

Clearly I was misunderstanding what my Egyptian guide was telling me,  though visiting Bombay’s pillau in Alexandria did sound rather facinating.  The sign at the Sarapeiona temple we visited cleared-up the mystery.  The Sarapeona temple was built by Hadrian in the second century,  the same Hadrian that walled-out the Scotttish from England.  Unfortunately those darned Christians destroyed this non-christian the temple in the 4th century….   the pillar remained standing

Pompey’s pillar

No rice.  No connection to the Indian city.

Ceasars son-in-law, Pompey, had a history of disputes with Ceasar. Pompey travelled to Alexandria hoping to find refuge with the Egyptians. Upon arrival Pompey was beheaded by Ptolemy XIII as un unsolicited favour to Ceasar.  Ceasar didn’t approve.  Subsequent tourists looking for Pompey’s tomb mistakenly named the pillar in the Sarapeiona temple after him. The name remained with the pillar.

Egyptian guide (EG):  Saladin did one terrible thing which we cannot forget.  He masa creed 400 dinner guests

Wendy:  Killed 400 dinner guests?

EG:  yes

Wendy: I think you mean massacred not masa creed

EG:  the Americans say Masa creed

I decided not to contradict her assertion of how Americans pronounce ‘massacred’.  My role was only to ask questions, follow instructions and make impressed noises.  For example,  she was the director of where and when I could take photographs insisting that her prescribed locations were best.  She argued with me if I chose not to comply with her suggestions.  She told me to hurry up and move on when I decided to take photographs outside of her prescribed opportunities. 

Luckily I’ve escaped from her clutches to my friends home. My friend knows how to

• ‘not know’
• acknowledge her own linguistic and meaningful creativity
• allow her guests to make thier own judgements (about where to take photographs)

wendy @  ho mail

According to CNET news  Microsoft will release something called ‘forefront endpoint protection’.  I suspect this will protect your pumpkins from frost damage on their extremities.

Hands keep spontaneously debagging

Should I lend these hands to other bags?

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A phrase uttered by a radio presenter to describe the new use of an ex magic shop, a place for  ‘Laptop Dancing’ . 

Do I hear you ask:

Is this a place where sequin and spandex covered laptop computers bounce around in close proximity with young upcoming professional people on underfloor-lit dancefloors to a funky disco beat?

Here’s a couple of young professionals practicing their laptop dancing :

One of their commenters sums up this new cultural phenomena rather well using new-english:

“wahey!!! this is gonna be huuuuge in the future!! Just get out ya fackin’ laptop beast out sum choonz, whack it on ya shoulder and jus fackin dance!!! awoooooooooogaaaaaa!!!!!!!”

Words of wisdom from an almost stranger*. in this case Windows Network Diagnostics:

When planning your party make sure you employ communicative DNS servers to hand-out the canopes and if your host is being a bit remote,  just ping him a bit and he’ll deliver cuddles all round.

* past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.  Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, a neighbour and Reading Police

stranger on the street:  have you got the time?

This is not a question I was asked in the US.  This question has been put to me on several occasions when walking from bus stops to appointments in the UK.

The question always makes me think twice before replying.  Am I being asked for the current time or does the asker suspect that I may be a professional street walker?

A Reading friend of London extraction recently took a vacation in the wild west of the English Riveria.  She was pleased to discover that all modern conveniences are available in Paignton.  No longer do people on the English Riviera have to share their teeth with ancesters, neighbours, or complete strangers.  

No more waiting for a person to finnish using their teeth before you can enjoy a crunchy-nut peanut butter sandwich. You can hear my friends excitement:

New Dentures??!! - as oppose to??!! Used dentures, one careful lady owner??!!  Priceless!

they are just pretending,  and they have allotments too,  so they can’t be real beggars because they can grow their own food and stuff