As she talks I watch the blackness through the gap where her front tooth used to be, the scarcity of eyelashes that host her electric-blue mascara, and the folds of skin that reveal she was once a larger woman than now:
It feels later than it is. I didn’t sleep too well last night, it makes the days seem longer. I called the Samaritans. When you’re awake, alone, at night it helps, they are there to listen and they can’t give advice. They help you think. My husband’s got depression, he can’t cope. It’s affecting everyone, all my family. He can’t cope so he just goes off and we don’t know if he’s going to turn up or not. We’ve been married for 29 years and I do all the caring for our 15 year old disabled daughter. It’s difficult, I’m the main carer. She doesn’t understand, at 15 you don’t. She wants me to get rid of his stuff. Maybe she should go into residential care. I don’t know. The weekends are the worst because you can’t call anyone. The Doctors won’t tell me anything, I don’t know if he’s going to see his Doctor or not. He’s got an inheritance, I’ve seen his statements, he’s staying in hotels. £40 a night in a hotel. When he calls I can hear a woman talking in the background, but you would hear that in a hotel wouldn’t you? I can’t assume stuff, but being a woman hearing another woman’s voice. Well, it’s difficult. He’s 51, he said he wants to have a life before he dies. When dad died, mum got over it, but it wasn’t the same because she knew he wasn’t coming back. With my husband I just don’t know. When he calls I don’t what mood he’ll be in. He says there’s someone listening in, but it’s difficult to believe anything he says. It’s difficult.
I didn’t want to walk in the rain, so I’m taking the bus, even though it’s not far.