Jumping onto a crowded rush hour Paddington train I slump into the one remaining isle seat. Resting my brow against the seat infront. Breathing slowly, eyes shut, shut-out the crowded world.
Boy in window seat (BIWS): are you alright?
Wendy: yes, I’m alright, thankyou for asking, you have a kind heart
BIWS: bad day at work?
Wendy: time of the month, normal pain, nothing to worry about I’ll just close my eyes and drift away
I surf the pain to some other consciousness, completely missing the train journey…. ….and almost missing my stop…
At 16yrs, the first time the pain stole my consciousness was from a chemist queue. I clutched a packet of unpurchased pain killers. My unconsciousnes chose to examine the shop floor. A kindly woman carried me to the local Health Centre. I woke in her arms and gifted her the contents of my stomach.
At the health centre I begged the Doctor for pain killers. He said pain killers were not warranted because I’d just puke them up. That the pain was natural. He prescribed lying on my back until I felt able to walk. Then I should go home.
With his words the pain merged perfectly with incredulity. Not offered a glass of water to swill the bile from my mouth. I could taste the incredulity. Stung by the indifference of professional caring staff. As soon as I could I slid from the trolley and stumbled out of the Health Centre. To the chemist shop. The kind lady who’d carried me had gone. No-one knew her name. No-one to thank.
Thank you kind lady.
Since that day I’ve learned to accept, immerse, and surf the experience to unanticipated, inarticulable ways and places. PMT and Cheese. Mmmmmmmm…
Wendy: t-mobile’s colours are almost the same as HMV’s – pink and black
t-mobile assistant: Magenta
Wendy: Oh (signifying recognition that the assistant’s correction was blunt), I’m sorry, is Magenta a technical term for pink?
t-mobile assistant: There’s been an SQL error entering your details, I don’t know what SQL is but its not your fault.
Wendy: Sequal Server? Maybe it needs a t-mobile technical specification, like magenta instead of pink?
Garden designer guest: it’s not many people that can look straight into their garden when sitting on their toilet
I will have to put something in the line of view to make it a tad more pleasurable than just patio and fence. As I’m sure you can imagine, I’ve been contemplating the garden rather a lot recently…
According to the principles of Feng Shui, I should change the layout of the bathroom, keep this door closed, change the colour scheme from blue and white to red and red then add a few candles or my career will flow into the sewers. Alas, I’m way too busy building my career and going on holiday to bother with arranging and paying for builders to rebuild my bathroom in a Feng Shui approvable layout and colour scheme. Pleasing plants in line of view will have to suffice.
The exciteness levels have been raised from the bog-standard, yet rare, red to the yet-more-rare blood-red level.
Defining characteristics of blood-red excitement level are
- Foul mood [insert a liberal dose of varied expletives here].
- unanticipated menstrual timing adjustment.
- optional clothing stains due to unanticipated timing adjustment.
- the level automatically reverts to the red level after a period of approximately 60hrs.
Today I am focussing all my emotional energy on striving to achieve the dizziest heights of most strikingly ordinariness. The cats have already fallen into snore-laden sleep.
I’ll let you kno ho it goes, though it ont be anything special, so maybe I ont let you kno ho it goes. e’ll see if its orthy, after a bout of affly indecisveness of extremely ordinary proportions and hacking my mini-hammer on the wwwwww key.
Not really a dichotomy or a catchy title.
Hoorah for Aliza Shvarts is probably more appropriate. Aliza has created a work of art as a physical object constructed from her body and a discourse where the ‘truth’ of the discourse impacts whether the physical art will be displayed or not. The Dean of Yale University says:
[W]e will not permit her to install the project unless she submits a clear and unambiguous written statement that her installation is a work of fiction: that she did not try to inseminate herself and induce miscarriages, and that no human blood will be physically displayed in her installation.
It’s like that other ultimatum directed at women in medieval times: confess to being a witch and we might not kill you, don’t confess and we’ll burn you alive.
Rephrased as
Deny that you have rights over your body (to choose insemination, to choose miscarriage) and we’ll let people see the outcomes, admit to having rights over your body and we’ll make sure no-one can see the outcomes.
Outstanding artwork Alizia. Whether her story about the construction process is a hoax or not is less important than the clear themes embedded in the reactions to her construction process.
peperami sausage, John Smiths and 4 Eccles cakes can keep the menorrhea at bay
this treatment doesn’t actually make things better, but I like it so I’m going to take it and I wouldn’t advise anyone trying to make a reasonable argument for my not taking beer and brown ale.
Understand?
Good.
I’m glad we got that little problem sorted… …whatever next…. …tush…
others: introduced to wendy greetings exchanged…
wendy: unabashedly talking bollocks
others: silence… …start entertaining conversation
wendy: said something stupid
others: silence… …re-start entertaining conversation and oriented more to each other
wendy: being gawky
others: continue entertaining conversation and orient more to each other
wendy: runs away
Arsenic and broomsticks.
This post might be deep and meaningful. It might not be. This post maybe “PMT treatment #2″ mascerading as miss-spelt, miss-placed, confusionisim… … a desperateness and peacefulness meeting in a moment, shared..
and maybe knot
First in a monthly (moon cycle) series of posts that detail ways to reduce overt mood related PMT (USA = PMS) symptoms.
PMT treatment #1: bunny bounce balancing
- find cute small soft plushy, in this example its the Easter bunny.
- balance said plushy on foot.
- jiggle foot to produce plushy-balance challenges (and baffle nearby cats).
- jump up-and-down to make plushy-balancing even more challenging. Push yourself to the absolute plushy-balancing limits. This could be the birth of an extreme sport…..
- attempt to photograph wobbling plushy mid-bounce.
- blog about the experience.
It works….
is not only Premenstrual tension, its also Periodic Male Tension. According to The Guardian online:
A study by psychologists from the University of Derby, England, suggests that men may experience cyclical symptoms similar to, or even worse than, those suffered by pre-menstrual women, including moodiness, discomfort and loss of concentration. Everything, it appears, apart from the bloat.
The study is based on ’self report’, they asked people to report experience of symptoms traditionally associated with pre-menstruation. They asked the women on 3 separate occassions and men just once. There is no mention of the likely differences between men an women when self-reporting symptoms (example scientific study of gender bias in self-reporting symptoms).
Gosh, and there’s me thinking girls had a unique experience around menstrual cycles based on hormones and physiological differences. Silly me, its just the bloating. Boys clearly know what it’s like because the experience has been adequately described in answerable questions and measured by someone in Derby.
The next grumpy boy I encounter will be asked “is it your time of the month then?‘
It’s that time again. The time when my capacity for quick, sharp, detailed, unrequested, passionate problem space descriptions reaches it’s zenith. I wonder whether this power can be harnessed for the greater benefit of society? Perhaps menstrual women could be used in an international arbitration pre-peace negotiations team:
Having an international conflict?
Call in The Menstrual pre-mediators.
Menstrual pre-mediators will quickly detail and disect your problem space. They can deliver analysis without expensive, time consuming, ambiguous social nicities. No nastiness ignored. They can completely ignore conversational etiquette and stamp on social taboos. Thier passionately delivered stream of consciousness will get to the nub of your problem. In the wake of their departure your mediating team can step into the relief to build acceptable solutions.
Call now*, ask nicely and offer chocolate
*Booking requires at least one month’s notice.
Imagine the film; a mix between The Terminator and An American Werewolf in London directed by Danny ‘trainspotting’ Boyle. including mood setting music by X-ray spex, (Oh Bondage up yours) and the Sex pistols (Holidays in the sun).
Film Plot? I’ve lost it mate. No prizes for guessing how the hormones are affecting my ‘interaction style’ today. Anyone who calls my accent cute in the next 3 days, criticizes my spelling, work or fashion sense risks getting glared to death or ignored with extreme porcupine-spikeyness.
