Jumping onto a crowded rush hour Paddington train I slump into the one remaining isle seat.  Resting my brow against the seat infront. Breathing slowly, eyes shut, shut-out the crowded world.

Boy in window seat (BIWS):  are you alright?

Wendy:  yes, I’m alright, thankyou for asking, you have a kind heart

BIWS: bad day at work?

Wendy:  time of the month, normal pain, nothing to worry about I’ll just close my eyes and drift away

I surf the pain to some other consciousness, completely missing the train journey…. ….and almost missing my stop… 

At 16yrs, the first time the pain stole my consciousness was from a chemist queue. I clutched a packet of unpurchased pain killers.  My unconsciousnes chose to examine the shop floor.  A  kindly woman carried me to the local Health Centre.  I woke in her arms and gifted her the contents of my stomach. 

At the health centre I begged the Doctor for pain killers.  He said pain killers were not warranted because I’d just puke them up. That the pain was natural.  He prescribed lying on my back until I felt able to walk.  Then I should go home. 

With his words the pain merged perfectly with incredulity.  Not offered a glass of water to swill the bile from my mouth.  I could taste the incredulity.  Stung by the indifference of professional caring staff.  As soon as I could I slid from the trolley and stumbled out of the Health Centre.  To the chemist shop.  The kind lady who’d carried me had gone.  No-one knew her name.  No-one to thank. 

Thank you kind lady.

Since that day I’ve learned to accept, immerse, and surf the experience to unanticipated, inarticulable ways and places.  PMT and Cheese. Mmmmmmmm…

Wendy: t-mobile’s colours are almost the same as HMV’s  – pink and black

t-mobile assistant: Magenta

Wendy: Oh (signifying recognition that the assistant’s correction was blunt),  I’m sorry,  is Magenta a technical term for pink?

t-mobile assistant:  There’s been an SQL error entering your details,  I don’t know what SQL is but its not your fault.  

Wendy: Sequal Server? Maybe it needs a t-mobile technical specification,  like magenta instead of pink? 

Garden designer guest:  it’s not many people that can look straight into their garden when sitting on their toilet

I will have to put something in the line of view to make it a tad more pleasurable than just patio and fence.  As I’m sure you can imagine,  I’ve been contemplating the garden rather a lot recently…

According to the principles of Feng Shui,  I should change the layout of the bathroom, keep this door closed, change the colour scheme from blue and white to red and red then add a few candles or my career will flow into the sewers.  Alas,  I’m way too busy building my career and going on holiday to bother with arranging and paying for builders to rebuild my bathroom in a Feng Shui approvable layout and colour scheme.  Pleasing plants in line of view will have to suffice.

The exciteness levels have been raised from the bog-standard, yet rare, red to the yet-more-rare blood-red level. 

Defining characteristics of blood-red excitement level are

• Foul mood [insert a liberal dose of varied expletives here].
• unanticipated menstrual timing adjustment.
• optional clothing stains due to unanticipated timing adjustment.
• the level automatically reverts to the red level after a period of approximately 60hrs.

Today I am focussing all my emotional energy on striving to achieve the dizziest heights of most strikingly ordinariness.  The cats have already fallen into snore-laden sleep. 

I’ll let you kno ho it goes, though it ont be anything special, so maybe I ont let you kno ho it goes.   e’ll see if its orthy,  after a bout of affly indecisveness of extremely ordinary proportions and hacking my mini-hammer on the wwwwww key.