wendy house

In the foyer of Reading’s downtown homebase an Owl collects donations for a rescue and sanctuary.  Big, beautiful, fluffy owl with efficient looking talons.  The handler talks about giving young criminals lessons in how to look after owls.  How this skill and responsibility enables them to develop self esteem and respect for others

wendy: Northumberland Avenue please

Taxi driver: how far up Norvie do you want to go?

wendy: what do you mean by ‘up Norvie’?

Taxi driver: that’s what we call Northumberland Avenue

wendy: near the Angling store,  who are ‘we’?

Taxi driver: taxi drivers

Ashley F Harrold and guest Lesley Saunders reading at Reading’s poetry cafe. 

In May one of my most-favourite poets, if I am allowed more than one favourite, Brian Patten, will be the guest.   That’s as exciting as the delivery of dry chopped wood to a house heated by a wood-burner during a cold-snap when the current supply of wood has run-out.

There appears to be an ongoing controversey about the labelling and meaning of the sections. These sections, bits, stages, modes, are referred to as ‘halves’ by the young bearded Mr. Harrold.  This controversey is revisited at the begining of each cafe meeting to ensure the audience is not suprised by the unexpected onset of an interval or ‘half’.

Many locals take part in open Mic’ sections.  That’s not open micky-taking it’s open-microphone in trendy shorthand.  I’m beginning to recognise some of the open mic regulars,  especially those who’s work I like. 

In 2004 Ashley said:

“Most of the open mic poets we have are pretty good, I think they must put something in the water in Reading as we always have a decent quality, compared with other open mics elsewhere in the country, which is heartening and inexplicable.”

Absolutely

A trickle of water from the cold water tap. 

Less that a trickle from the hot water tap, 

Not enough flow to ignite the combi-bolier heating.  Brrrr… 

I made a cup of tea,  inspecting all visible pipes in the house and the stop-cock that supplies water to the house. 

All were well.

Thames Water website show a daily list of major water mains leaks and areas they affect.  There is a leak nearby, but it shouldn’t be affecting my home.  There is a note that they are having difficulty getting to burst water mains and that the phones are very busy.  I should be patient. 

I coat, boot and glove-up.  Then carry my spade through the ice and snow covered garden.

The garden water tap is frozen. I can’t turn it. No sign of a leak.  I get to the roadside and dig out my water valve and check the meter.  It’s not ticking over.  No water coming onto my property.  Phew, no leak on my property means I dont have to call out a plumber on my expense.  Inconvenience rather than inconvenience and financial burden.  Phew.

The neighbors have no water at all.  I offer them use of my trickle to fill their kettle for tea.  We watch as a child hikes by with 4 large bottles of water.  A man walks by and asks if we have water,  we tell him no and he is pleased.  He’s just visited his lonely frightened mother, he goes back to reasure her that its the water mains. 

Plenty of white snow around for creating untreated water. I’m not going to die of thirst in the near future or run out of Tea 

I wonder if snow is full of chemicals or fresh enough to drink as it once was. Luckily I haven’t had to find out – yet.

The trickle from my tap filled some bottles for tea and the bath to flush the toilet.

Here in the UK we have roads who’s whole purpose is to provide relief,  relief Roads. 

The pleasingly named Rose Kiln Lane is a Berkshire relief road.  Roads that provide relief.  A ver pleasing idea. 

Having a stressful day at work? Then visit Rose Kiln Lane to find relief.

Judging by this web camera picture very few people have been using Rose Kiln Lane for relief  during this cold snap.  No yellow snow, cars, or people to be seen. 

Perhaps I was a bit premature with the melting snow post.

Thomas has been buried alive.

I’ve cunningly avoided yet another Gym subscription nightmare by resorting to digging out the Wendy House garden path.

After 24 hours of snow, 30cm in my back garden, the local shops are suffering from depleted stocks.   People who when stranded at home must have a steady supply of toast, ideally spread with marmite, are buying thier bread. No new deliveries.  You do the maths…

Toastie!

Will I have to compromise the purity of my toast by taking my marmite on toasted teacakes? Tonight I’m planning to pop around my perky, yet elderly, neighbour’s house to…

…share some seasonal bubbly – more toastie!

…and snow stories in front of a glowing fireplace – even more toastie! 

then I’ll take their food order round to the corner shop where I’ll

battle for some buns.

Bernard Hieatt  founded the Reading motorcycle club and was a Brooklands Motorcycle champion and Aviator who died age 21 in 1930.  This memorial  to Bernard and his brother Stanley is in the Cemetry junction graveyard

The luxury 5 star Forbury Hotel in downtown Reading went into administration this March.  Unlike many other businesses,  it survived by new ownership.  The new owners sent this portrait promoting seasonal greatings and special offers. 

Maybe one day we’ll meet in, or on the steps of, the Forbury. 

God Jul

Once again Reading’s December Poet’s cafe offered the treat of the engaging Mr. Hegley. 

Mr. Hegley manages varied and entertaining audience participation during his perfomance. 

For one poem he found a member of the audience that was prepared to nominate another member of the audience to translate a poem from French.   John would read each line and the audience member translated.  For each line John would comment on the quality of the translation.   Some of the French phrasing lent itself you English people making  translational errors.  The mistakes lead to some smile and laughter inducing imagery.  

I giggled myself off the chair on several occassions, 

Another form of participation involved the audience being given a line to sing on cue from John.  For example,  when he said ‘blah’ we had to say ‘mange’.  I do like being able to take part.

During the evening’s events I learned many things including

• there are many, published, poets in Reading that regularly attended the poets cafe
• John’s head moves with agility through all sorts of angles, often quite dramatic.
• AFH’s fingers are prone to splaying and twirling

I wonder what bodily movement I should develop to enhance my (to-be-developed) poem delivery talents?

Angel is a young (late 20’s) local boy who reminds me of the ‘Charles’ character in the film ‘4 weddings and a funeral‘. 

Angel:  Yes….Yes…my home was broken into 4 years ago….they took everything….everything small….small enough to carry……mobile phones…..DVD player……they didn’t take my Cello….it is portable,  in a case with a handle, you can carry it….they didn’t take it.

Wendy:  Oh (signifiying acknowledgement of the value of a person’s Cello)

Angel: Yes.  Good thing really

Wendy: Yes……..    I’ve got a friend whose sister is called Hilary, like Jacqueline du Pré

Angel:  Yes…….     ………Yes……..  ……..must go……     got a train to catch.

As part of ‘Operation Fends’ Thames Valley Police have given me a flourescent marker pen so that I can mark student property.  The big challenge for me is finding some student property.  They’ve given me three telephone numbers to call where I can contact the ‘University Neighbourhood team’ which is jolly nice and neighbourly….   …I wonder if they’ve mistaken me for a teacher,  to do some student marking…

 With the quick approach of my HOLIDAY to CAIRO I skipped out in search of some Holiday reading. Normally I pop into the tiny yet beautiful Reading Oxfam.  The friendly staff and customers chat, the book choice is excellent, always something to inspire and entice. 

One of my friends has recently moved to Cairo and made a specific request for a copy of the Lonely Planet guide to Egypt.  Alas, the local Oxfam cold not deliver.

A short walk to the Waterstones chain, a small Victorian style shop front.  Inside the store is like the TARDIS  it goes backwards and upwards,  from house to house with glass roofs between.  The store is architecturally beautifully designed and maintains unusual features such as the mezannine floor pictured below.

Once I stopped looking at the architecture and started looking at book shelves  I was lost with no idea of where the ‘Travel’ section might be.  Looking at the labeling on the shelves only tells you what is here,  not where something that is elsewhere might be.  Unperturbed I wandered over to the foot of the stairs (both of them) expecting to find a list of the sections on each floor.  Nothing.

The front door did not offer a guide to the store store layout with the sections identified.   The cash and information desk by the door was being stormed by an outsized orderly queue of people.  Glancing back into the huge store I felt a little overwhelmed and wandered in looking at shelf labels and the people nearby,  which are the staff who might help me?  Before full panic could set-in, eye contact with a lady….

Lady: Can I help you?

Wendy:  Do you have a map of the store layout?

Lady: What section would you like?

Wendy:  Is there a display showing where the sections are?

Lady:  No,  I’m working on that,  what section would you like?

Wendy: Travel

Lady: upstairs ahead through the arch,  on the right hand wall arranged in alphabetical order by country

Wendy: Thank you, love the display thing you’re working on

With the internet I can just type the name, make, model, serial-number and colour of my preferred bra and get an exact purchasable match in less than one minute.  Excellent,  underwear wooshing its way to the Wendy House.  All is well

 Then

The Royal Mail left me a little note to let me know that my ‘package’ was too big to fit through my letterbox.  Not being a larger lady in the underwear department this was a baffling concept.  This meant a trip to the Reading central post-office on Satruday morning during peak Reading shopping traffic congestion.  While listening to Jonathon Ross interview Spandau Ballet I noticed a shop with hand-crafted wood furniture in the window

Dangerous

An hour later I had picked-up my new underwear, removed the ridiculously bulky packaging and bought a hand made ‘gun cupboard’ for my mug collection

Expensive underwear

Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s first feature film is named after a place in Reading called ‘Cemetery Junction’. “A 1970s-set comedy centered on three upstart professional men working at an insurance company” staring Ralph Fiennes.

I haven’t noticed the film cameras locally.

A couple of friends are in the process of selling one and purchasing another gorgeous home in downtown Reading, near the Wendy House. 

There’s one slight hitch in the plan

In 1998 the local council placed an access restriction on the to-be-purchased property.  Pedestrians and vehicles cannot access the house from …   …the public highway.  There is no other obvious route to the house.  The current resident ignores this restriction.  How can my friends get from the roadway to the house without breaking the law?  Without:

• using a Vehicle:  A device or structure for transporting persons or things; a conveyance?
• being a Pedestrian: A person traveling on foot; a walker?
• accessing  the property from the  Road?

2am
Cemetery junction
Heards of black taxi’s rumbling by
Smaller, colourful, cabs weave between them
Heels clicking, skirts, hair and make-up readjusted
Bright laughter and flourescent light waft from the rows of fast food shops
sometimes I feel wonderfully invisible in the bustling crowds as I wander the Reading streets at night

When considering a move to Reading,  consider that Reading is the sort of place that

• you are bound to meet up with someone that you might already know.
• a country boy can walk completely around it,  or hide in it. 
• you can find a favourite restaurant and order Polish dishes.
• you can be disturbed.

These properties of Reading are uncannily similar to those of Memphis Tenessee:

Listen (static picture) to The Colorblind James Experience Considering a move to Memphis

 

Delivering apologies is a local (English)  fine-art form.  The 90 second video above was  filmed exclusively by the Wendy House Audio-wideo Team (WHAT!)  before the arrival of Thomas (soppy SIGH).   It includes a First Great Western (FGW) Reading platform announcer delivering  ordinary apologies followed by the first of what turned out to be multiple extreme aoplogies.  Lisen for the stylish use of a contemporary xylophone solo ‘bing-bong-BING’ .  I had literally hours of fun that morning on Reading train station.

Well done FGW,  a fine example of extreme apologies.

Today is the anniversary of my arrival in the Wendy House of Dangerous staircase fame. 

Locals on the Avenue are building a social history of the Avenue that will will be displayed in a local show this summer then given to the Berkshire County record office.  The local retired fellow who’s coordinating the activity stopped by with a letter, to chat over tea.  I’ve contributed gossip, rumour and scanned copies of the house title deeds.  I have three things in common with all the previous residents of the Wendy House,  unmarried, working, girl. 

I am looking forward to finding out about the:

• gallows.
• south american rancher.
• telephone exchange.

Hairdresser Business Owner (HBO): you’ve been in before haven’t you?

Wendy: yes, only once several months ago,  its grown a lot and kept a very good shape, it was a good cut

HBO: yes,  I remember. Lucia, the Phillipino lady, cut your hair really short.  She’s in the Phillipines as the moment,  she owns a bed and breakfast there and its their peak season,  its alright for some!

HBO: your scalp is a bit sensitive,  do you have a stressful job?

Wendy: (giggles) Sort of because…(unpublishable)

While the assistant washes my way-past-its-cut-by-date mop the HBO checks her records. 

HBO: you came in here last September, no wonder its grown so much

Wendy: I’m impressed that you recognised me

We talked about her business,  she hasn’t been hit by the credit crisis because ‘everyone needs a haircut’  and her business has been established for over 9 years.  We both agreed that we liked Reading a lot because of the nice people we’ve met here.  She was born in Reading,  studied in London with Vidal Sassoon,  travelled the world then came back to Reading to set-up her business. 

It’s the best haircut I’ve had in over a decade. 

I’m a very happy bunny

to you from me
below the love tree
green
day
light
path

Thanks to Mrs. Pouncer for pointing out this entertaining sign on the front door of a Reading nightclub targetting clientelle of a gay disposition who will benefit from some illustrated suggestions on courtship techniques.

 

In the heart of the home counties,  southern England’s Silicon valley (Microsoft, Oracle), the County town of Berkshire. 

 

Reading

(sound of clapping and hip-hip-hoorah-ing)

 

Reading gong farmers’ market runs every Saturday in the cattle market on Great Knollys street.  Reading town has maintained a link with its rural roots.  Many is the day when I’ve walked passed a well kept tractor in town centre traffic jam,  or a sign for a pub quiz to win a tractor.

 

Readingfarmers (market) sell traditional foods and craftwork,  for example:

 

·  Fresh venison

·  Fresh partridge

·  Fresh mutton

·  Fresh pheasants

·  (Fresh?) Pheasant pie

·  (Fresh?) Pheasant breast

·  Fresh rabbit

·  (Fresh?) Wicker baskets

 

 

 

Prior to 1670 it was normal practice for Judges to put a jury in prison without food, water, heating or smokes if they returned a ‘not guilty’ verdict when the judge thought they had reached the wrong decision. 

 

Below is an excerpt from the court transcripts of the case that lead to a change in this practice, allowing juries to find the defendant innocent without fear of being punished by the judiciary.  Penn is the William Penn that later founded the US State of Pennsylvania:

 

 

Rec. Sir, will you plead to your indictment?

 

Penn. Shall I plead to an Indictment that hath no foundation in law? If it contain that law you say I have broken, why should you decline to produce that law, since it will be impossible for the jury to determine, or agree to bring in their verdict, who have not the law produced, by which they should measure the truth of this indictment, and the guilt, or contrary of my fact?

 

Rec. You are a saucy fellow, speak to the Indictment.

 

Penn. I say, it is my place to speak to matter of law; I am arraigned a prisoner; my liberty, which is next to life itself, is now concerned: you are many mouths and ears against me, and if I must not be allowed to make the best of my case, it is hard, I say again, unless you shew me, and the people, the law you ground your indictment upon, I shall take it for granted your proceedings are merely arbitrary.

 

Obser. At this time several upon the Bench urged hard upon the Prisoner to bear him down.

 

Rec. The question is, whether you are Guilty of this Indictment?

 

Penn. The question is not, whether I am Guilty of this Indictment, but whether this Indictment be legal. It is too general and imperfect an answer, to say it is the common-law, unless we knew both where and what it is. For where there is no law, there is no transgression; and that law which is not in being, is so far from being common, that it is no law at all.

 

Rec. You are an impertinent fellow, will you teach the court what law is? It is ‘Lex non scripta,’ that which many have studied 30 or 40 years to know, and would you have me to tell you in a moment?

 

Penn. Certainly, if the common law be so hard to be understood, it is far from being very common; but if the lord Coke in his Institutes be of any consideration, he tells us, That Common-Law is common right, and that Common Right is the Great Charter-Privileges: confirmed 9 Hen. 3, 29, 25 Edw. 1, 12 Ed. 3, 8 Coke Instit. 2 p, 56.

 

Rec. Sir, you are a troublesome fellow, and it is not for the honour of the court to suffer you to go on.

 

Penn. I have asked but one question, and you have not answered me ; though the rights and privileges of every Englishman be concerned in it.

 

Rec. If I should suffer you to ask questions till to-morrow morning, you would be never the wiser.

 

Penn. That is according as the answers are.

 

Rec. Sir, we must not stand to hear you talk all night.

 

Penn. I design no affront to the court, but to be heard in my just plea: and I must plainly tell you, that if you will deny me Oyer of that law, which you suggest I have broken, you do at once deny me an acknowledged right, and evidence to the whole world your resolution to sacrifice the privileges of Englishmen to your sinister and arbitrary designs.

 

Rec. Take him away. My lord, if you take not some course with this pestilent fellow, to stop his mouth, we shall not be able to do any thing to night.

 

Mayor. Take him away, take him away, turn him into the bale-dock.

 

Penn. These are but so many vain exclamations; is this justice or true judgment? Must I therefore be taken away because I plead for the fundamental laws of England? However, this I leave upon your consciences, who are of the jury (and my sole judges,) that if these ancient fundamental laws, which relate to liberty and property, (and are not limited to particular persuasions in. matters of religion) must not be indispensably maintained and observed, who can say he hath right to the coat upon his back? Certainly our liberties are openly to be invaded, our wives to be ravished, our children slaved, our families ruined, and our estates led away in triumph, by every sturdy beggar and malicious informer, as their trophies, but our (pretended) forfeits for conscience sake. The Lord of Heaven and Earth will be judge between us in this matter.

 

Rec. Be silent there.

 

Penn. I am not to be silent in a case wherein I am so much concerned, and not only myself, but many ten thousand families besides.

 

Obser. They having rudely haled him into the Bale-dock, William Mead they left in court, who spake as followeth.

 

Mead. You men of the jury, here I do now stand, to answer to an Indictment against me, which is a bundle of stuff, full of lies and falshoods; for therein I am accused that I met ‘vi & armis illicite & tumultuose:’ time was when I had freedom to use a carnal weapon, and then I thought I feared no man; but now I fear the living God, and dare not make use thereof nor hurt any man; nor do I know I demeaned myself as a tumultuous person: I say, I am a peaceable man, therefore it is a very proper question what William Penn demanded in this case, an oyer of the law, on which our Indictment is grounded.

 

Rec. I have made answer to that already.

 

Mead, turning his face to the jury, saith,You men of the jury, who are my judges, if the Recorder will not tell you what makes a riot, a rout, or an unlawful assembly, Coke, he that once they called the lord Coke, tells us what makes a riot, a rout and an unlawful assembly. A riot is when three or more, are met together to beat a man, or to enter forcibly into another man’s land, to cut down his grass, his wood or break down his pales.

 

Obser. Here the Recorder interrupted him, and said ‘I thank you, sir, that you will tell me what the law is,’ scornfully pulling off his hat.

 

Mead. Thou mayest put on thy hat, I have never a fee for thee now.

 

Brown. He talks at random, one while an independant, another while some other religion, and now a quaker, and next a papist.

 

Mead. ‘Turpe est doctori cum culpa redarguit ipsum.’

 

May. You deserve to have your tongue cut out.

 

Rec. If you discourse on this manner, I shall take occasion against you.

 

Mead. Thou didst promise me, I should have fair liberty to be heard? why may I not have the privilege of an Englishman? I am an Englishman, and you might be ashamed of this dealing.

 

Rec. I look upon you to be an enemy to the laws of England, which ought to be observed and kept, nor are you worthy of such privileges as others have.

 

Mead. The Lord is judge between me and thee in this matter.

 

Obser. Upon which they took him away into the Bale-dock, and the Recorder proceeded to give the Jury their charge, as followeth:

 

Recorder. You have heard what the Indictment is, It is for preaching to the people, and drawing a tumultuous company after them, and Mr. Penn was speaking; if they should not be disturbed, you see they will go on; there are three or four witnesses that have proved this, that he did preach there; that Mr. Mead did allow of it: after this you have heard by substantial witnesses what is said against them : now we are upon the matter of fact, which you are to keep to, and observe, as what hath been fully sworn at your peril.

 

Obser. The prisoners were put out of the court into the Bale-dock, and the charge given to the jury in their absence, at which W. Penn with a very raised voice, it being a considerable distance from the bench, spake.

 

Penn. I appeal to the jury who are my Judges, and this great assembly, whether the proceedings of the court are not most arbitrary, and void of all law, in offering to give the jury their charge in the absence of the prisoners ; I say it is directly opposite to, and destructive of the undoubted right of every English prisoner, as Coke, in the 2 Instit. 29. on the chap. of Magna Charta.

 

Obser. The Recorder being thus unexpectedly lashed for his extra judicial procedure, said with an enraged smile.

 

Rec. Why, ye are present, you do hear, do you not?

 

Penn. No thanks to the court, that commanded me into the Bale-dock; and you of the jury, take notice, that I have not been heard, neither can you legally depart the Court before I have been fully heard, having at last ten or twelve material points to offer, in order to invalidate their Indictment.

 

Rec. Pull that fellow down, pull him down.

 

Mead. Are these according to the rights and privileges of Englishmen, that we should not be heard, but turned into the Bale-dock, for making our defence, and the jury to have their charge given them in our absence? I say these are barbarous and unjust proceedings.

 

Rec. Take them away into the Hole: To hear them talk all night as they would, that I think doth not become the honour of the court and I think you (i. e. the jury) yourselves would be tired out, and not have patience to hear them.

 

Obser. The Jury were commanded up to agree upon their verdict, the prisoners remaining in the stinking hole. After an hour and a half’s time eight came down agreed, but four remained above; the court sent an officer for them, and they accordingly came down. The Bench used many unworthy threats to the four that dissented; and the Recorder, addressing himself to Bushel, said, ‘Sir, you are the cause of this disturbance, and manifestly shew yourself an abettor of faction; I shall set a mark upon you, Sir.’

 

J. Robinson. Mr. Bushel, I have known you near this 14 years; you have thrust yourself upon this jury, because you think there is some service for you: I tell you, you deserve to be indicted more than any man that hath been brought to the bar this day.

 

Bushel. No, sir John, there were threescore before me, and I would willingly have got off, but could not.

 

Bloodw. I said, when I saw Mr. Bushel, what I see is come to pass, for I knew he would never yield. Mr. Bushel, we know what you are.

 

May. Sirrah, you are an impudent fellow, I will put a mark upon you.

 

Obser. They used much menacing language, and behaved themselves very imperiously to the jury, as persons not more void of justice than sober education: After this barbarous usage, they sent them to consider of bringing in their verdict, and after some considerable time they returned to the Court. Silence was called for, and the jury called by their names,

 

Cler. Are you agreed upon your verdict?

 

Jury. Yes.

 

Cler. Who shall speak for you ?

 

Jury. Our Foreman.

 

Clerk. Look upon the prisoners at the bar; how say you? Is William Penn Guilty of the matter whereof he stands indicted in manner and form, or Not Guilty?

 

Foreman. Guilty of speaking in Grace-church street.

 

Court. Is that all ?

 

Foreman. That is all I have in commission.

 

Rec. You had as good say nothing.

 

May. Was it not an unlawful assembly? You mean he was speaking to a tumult of. people there?

 

Foreman. My Lord, This is all I had in commission.

 

Obser. Here some of the jury seemed to buckle to the questions of the Court: upon which, Bushel, Hammond, and some others, opposed themselves, and said, they allowed of no such word as an unlawful assembly in their Verdict; at which the Recorder, Mayor, Robinson and Bloodworth took great occasion to vilify them with most opprobrious language; and this verdict not serving their turns, the Recorder expressed himself thus:

 

Rec. The law of England will not allow you to part till you have given in your Verdict.

Jury. We have given in our Verdict, and we can give in no other.

 

Rec. Gentlemen, you have not given in your Verdict, and you had its good say nothing; therefore go and consider it once more, that we may make an end of this troublesome business.

 

Jury. We desire we may have pen, ink, and paper.

 

Obser. The Court adjourned for half an hour; which being expired, the Court returns, and the Jury not long after.

The Prisoners were brought to the bar, and the Jury’s names called over.

 

Clerk. Are you agreed of your Verdict?

 

Jury. Yes.

 

Clerk. Who shall speak for you?

 

Jury. Our Foreman.

 

Clerk. What say you? Look upon the prisoners: Is William Penn Guilty in manner and form, as he stands indicted, or Not Guilty?

 

Foreman. Here is our Verdict; holding forth a piece of paper to the clerk of the peace, which follows.

‘We the jurors, hereafter named, do find William Penn to be Guilty of speaking or preaching to an assembly, met together in Gracechurch-street, the 14th of August last, 1670, And that William Mead is Not Guilty of the said Indictment.’

 

Foreman Thomas Veer, Edward Bushel, John Hammond, Henry Henley, Charles Milson, Gregory Walklet, John Baily, William Lever, Henry Michel, John Bnghtman, James Damask, Wil. Plumsted.

 

Obser. This both Mayor and Recorder resented at so high a rate, that they exceeded the bounds of all reason and civility.

 

Mayor. What, will you be led by such a silly fellow as Bushel? an impudent canting fellow? I warrant you, you shall come no more upon juries in haste: You are a foreman indeed, addressing himself to the foreman, I thought you, had understood your place better.

 

Recorder. Gentlemen, you shall not be dismissed till we have a verdict that the court will accept; and you shall be locked up, without meat, drink, fire, and tobacco; you shall not think thus to abuse the court; we will have a verdict, by the help of God, or you shall starve for it.

 

Penn. My jury, who are my judges, ought not to be thus menaced; their verdict should be free, and not compelled; the bench ought to wait upon them, but not forestal them. I do desire that justice may be done me, and that the arbitrary resolves of the bench may not be made the measure of my jury’s verdict.

Recorder. Stop that prating fellow’s mouth, or put him out of the court.

Sign on the door of an office in the Reading Cattle Market.

The Hexagon Theatre in Reading is running its annual pantomime, Dick Wittington. 

Interactive theatre where the audience, predominatly under 4ft tall, get to shout out ‘He’s behind you’, and “BOO!” and hisssssszzzzzz as loud as they want when the clearly marked baddie comes on the stage.  The baddie in this case was dressed in black leather with a huge fake furry chest,  long tail,  and the name ‘King Rat’. 

The pantomime hero, the principle boy,  is played by a girl wearing tights, no trousers, and thigh length leather boots who enjoys repeatedly slapping her outer-thigh with her hand and falling in love with the leading lady who is a lady.  A man in outrageous, colourful costumes plays an unmarried woman,  the ‘Dame’.  A young chap coordinates audience participation, facilitates the storyline and everyone’s happiness.  I’d quite like one of those.

In Dick Wittington there were doses of singing competitions, where volume supercedes musicality, between the two halves of the auditorium.  Some songs required rather tricky accompanying hand-actions, during which I accidently whacked the lady sitting next to me and generally got everything all topsy turvy.  There are also some slow,  soppy,  songs in a pantomime.  Luckily, watching the shorter contingent of the audience wave brightly coloured lit-wands around made the soppy songs entertaining.

For those who enjoy a heated debate, like myself, there were many opportunities to argue with the cast ‘Oh no he isn’t'….’oh yes he is’….   The occassional slap stick humour, outstandingly bad jokes and the Dames costumes that beggar belief ensured the tone of the event stayed firmly in the realm of the fantastically ridiculous.  At one point the Dame wore a dress in the form of what looked like the Tower of London.   

Audience birthdays on the performance day were announced in the penulitmate scene. I’m thinking of relocating my Brithday to mid December. 

Plot spoiler (look below the next paragraph)

The plot invariably ends with the leading man (woman) and lady (woman) getting together,  the baddy being converted (normally by magic), and the dame continuing to be a dame.

Plot spoiler over (start reading here)

It was all jolly good fun.  Happy holiday season.

Hoorah!

Jackson’s is the sort of store that sells stylish and practical items of a classic and often exclusive nature.  I cannot sing Jackson’s praises enough.  With winter settling in,  cold nights in the Wendy House,  this little bargain in the Jacksons christmas special decorated window calls out to me each time I pass by.  A Candlewick bedjacket.  How have the fluffballs and I managed without one to date?  Jacksons also have some mens paisely print brushed cotton pyjamas… 

…I really am at risk of shopping and bouncing and getting all over excited within a fun-packed 5 minute period…

The Reading Chronical reports that the astrology section could not be published due to unforseen circumstances.  The Reading chronical clearly has a very highly developed sense of humour,  excellent!

The strangest things can happen to an unaccompanied girl,

of an evening, 

in Reading.

Marmite binge is just one hazard that effects even the most un-pregnant of people.

The service,  food and experience as provided by the supper rooms was outstanding,  the customers sat near to me were not typical of the softly spoken guests at other nearby tables and I have to say they were perhaps a little below par for such a well tailored experience.

A selection of quotes from the most verbose fellow at the next table,  overheard inbetween the sombre aubergine ceiling, loud floral-print wallpaper, dizzying geometric pink diamond-design carpet,  and flamboyant floral chandeliers In Colleys supper rooms. 

the journey was crap… …Lynne can’t come because she has a hangover…

Tottenham have a brilliant mid-fielder from Barcelona…

tuck your nape in…

we don’t know what they are (to the waiter about the starter list)

You’ll be alright if you keep your mouth shut,  Lynne doesn’t think I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut…

I’d never go to Moscow again,  its crazy,  its not like Spain or Greece,  its crazy,  all the words are like squares the only things I understood was Macdonalds and even that was squares. (about a trip to watch a football match)

Loch Fyne is a chain of fish restaurants that has a premisis in downtown Reading on the banks of the river Kennet.  Loch Fyne restaurants serve only line-caught fish. 

Excellent.