Feb 28 2010

high pressure

Please turn on the taps with care as the pressure is quite high

high pressure:  lots of complicated concepts in this message. Do children have a concept of ‘water pressure’ do they know what ‘high’ and ‘low’ water pressure are?  By contrast a message like “Water comes out of the tap fast” is much more descriptive of the experience of turning the tap. 

with care:  what does it mean to turn on a tap with care?  should I use a cloth incase the handle falls off?  Do they mean that the tap is greased up and turns really fast?  Because I know what high water pressure can do from experience and from physics classes I know that the best strategy is to ‘turn the tap slowly’.  Maybe they mean that if you turn the tap on using normal torque the water will spray all over you and the bathroom floor.  What fun!

To prompt the desired user behaviour the sign could become

Please turn the tap on slowly

With the possible explanation of the consequence.  Though addition of this is an invitation to people who like splasshing, YAY, to turn the tap fast for fun. Hoorah!  Can you guess what I did?

to stop water from splashing outside the sink

Splashes


Feb 18 2010

bothersome

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Before the Anti Social Behaviour Order (ASBO) their was nuisance. 

Along with murder, marriage and adultary (not necessarily in that order) people would commit nuisance.  They still do. 

commit no nuisance.


Oct 11 2009

rogue buggy

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Buggy ParkHamptop Court Palace has the most modern visitor facilities, including a buggy park. 

I noticed this rogue buggy parking to the right of the official buggy park.


Oct 01 2009

this way to no parking

this way to no parkingI didn’t know which way to turn.


Sep 01 2009

the BBC are sorry

BBC are sorryDue to temporary failure of satelite connections the BBC announced that they were sorry for the interuption in our reception of thier programming.

In my day the BBC used a collection of strangely engaging short media clips to entertain viewers during program interruption,  called ‘interludes’, accompanied by classical music.  These media clips included watching a potter potting,  a spinner spinning (wool,  not exercise) and the slightly more cute kitten-playing:


Jun 30 2009

cyclist queue

Cyclist QNo traffic jams for cyclists on Brighton train station.  Its systematic and cyclistically focussed,  its Queuing!  Hoorah,  I do love a good queue.  Unfortunately I’d come-over all pedestrian so wasn’t eligible for participation.  Pooeeeey


May 07 2009

warning

Stop Cock 2"6

I was taken completely by suprise.  What is a girl to do?

 


Apr 03 2009

Street closed for Mop

Road Closed for MopYou can take the Wendy out of Chipping Sodbury… 

…but…

When the roads are closed for the Sodbury Mop

I’ll be back


Feb 28 2009

castle induced kyphosis

low doorway warningA small sign above an arch in Chepstow castle warns visitors of the back curvature required for navigating the doorways originally designed for the short people of medieval times,  in this particular case,  the French.


Jan 22 2009

diagnosis: foreign object

foreign objectsJust how do you diagnose something as a foreign object without the aide of well-labeled packaging?

words used include:

  • ‘bin’
  • ‘toilet’ (3 times)
  • ‘Please’ (3 times)
  • ”Thank You’
  • ‘foreign objects’
  • ‘Sanitary towels’

Arranged in what look like sentences including full-stops do help to make this sign wonderfully British.

I attempted to comply but it is possible that a foreign foodstuff did make a sort-of appearance. I’m hoping no-one checks…


Jan 21 2009

wreckless street smirking

What does Gascoigne do?On occasions I can be found behaving with wreckless abandon and inconsideration to all kinds of minority and differently-challenged individuals and subcultures.

For example, while wandering the streets of Teddington, without any warning or the aid of safety equipment, I started smirking at this shop name. Any sign that is declaring the bodily activities of people potentially originating from Gascony can prompt me to display potentially confusing or offensive behaviours.


Jan 19 2009

water sensitive firealarm

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steam activated fire-alarmLet’s get this absolutely clear; steam generated by a bath in one room can set-off a fire-alarm in another room.


Jan 14 2009

back to front

Rear EntranceThanks to Mrs. Pouncer for pointing out this entertaining sign on the front door of a Reading nightclub targetting clientelle of a gay disposition who will benefit from some illustrated suggestions on courtship techniques.


Dec 14 2008

a little horse on the phone?

Office for poniesSign on the door of an office in the Reading Cattle Market.


Dec 09 2008

I’m here!

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Please ring for attentionThis quaint, effective system, for announcing your presence is in use in my local GP surgery (family heath centre UK style, not a ‘polyclinic’).  The receptionist is off doing useful things away from the reception desk and arrives very promptly when the bell sounds.

Ding Ding! 

its a pleasant sound and an easy system to understand…


Nov 30 2008

immitation of firearms

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imitation firearmsA sign at the check-out counter of a childrens toy department makes it clear that only adults can purchase imitation fire-arms.  At least children wont be able to get their hands on imitation firearms when they feel the need to use them for nefarious purposes…  …naughty children.  

I can also report that there was not a group of children outside the store asking people to purchase the imitation firearms on their behalf,  they must be using more cunning organised methods to acquire them.


Oct 09 2008

tubes and spots

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The staff at Jacksons are solution builders.  When something doesn’t work they fix it,  no unnecessary fuss. 

For example,  this light switch set in the Ladies underwear changing rooms controls 8 different lights in the main store.  The lights cannot be seen from the switch location.  Which lights are controlled by which switches?  You would need 2 people to find-out by a try it and see method.  Would you be able to remember from one day to the next which switch controls which lights?

The staff at Jacksons don’t have to learn or remember which light is controlled by which switch because they’ve cunningly labelled the switches!  Now, which lights are ’spot 3.4′?


Oct 05 2008

park or enter

A couple of signs outside of the Royal Berkshire Hospital’s Medical museum left me completely discombobulated for all of 10 minutes.  How do these signs work together,  if at all? 

Ambulances only

  • as Medical Museum exhibits?
  • as Medical museum visitors?
  • Can park when delivering Medical Museum guests?
  • Can park outside the medical museum but their occupants have more pressing engagements than exploring the undoubtedly fascinating preceding accoutrements of their current treatments.

Medical Museum,  Ambulances onlyThe Royal Berkshire Hospital building facade is very impressive.  Provision of a museum to enlighten the locals is a very thoughtful addition.


Sep 26 2008

welcoming

Why I love England #4.  welcoming

England welcomes all sorts of people, even bus enthusiasts, as long as they behave like responsible citizens by following health and safety instructions and reporting suspicious unattended packages to the appropriate security authorities.
Bus Enthusiasts


Sep 23 2008

pursuance of entertainment

In the UK buildings can be licenced to pursue music, dancing, and entertainment of the like kind, they also enjoy throwing several large dollops of befuddlement into the mix, just in case
Entertainment of the Like Kind


Sep 19 2008

wheelchair park

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Wheelchair parkhave you ever wondered where wheelchairs go to relax,  hang-out,  shoot the breeze? 

Me neither. 

Apparantly it’s in a wheelchair park where they can cosey up to each other without anyone batting and eyelid or a googly


Aug 07 2008

branding #4: materials, colours & fonts

Jacksons pay attention to branding detail. 

The store is branded with a dark green background to its main name sign above the mannequinned window displays and below the large lettering that eponymously announces ‘Jacksons corner’ .  The text on its custom plastic bags and the piece de resistance is the wonderful font used to announce Jacksons on the green marble entrance way. 

I swooned. 

 I am easily pleased


May 19 2008

caught short?

Not ‘are you apprehended by the police for the ghastly crime of insufficient height’ but another clever euphemism for wanting to go to the toilet.  The city of Westminster has signs to help you out with clever stick-people designs to illustrate the problem for those people who don’t understand the idiom ‘caught short’.   My favourite part of the sign is the invitation to text toilet,  for a toilet.  Hoorah,  no euphemisims there just send a text saying what you need,  effectively the bottom-line…


May 16 2008

vodka & food

Establishment advertising Vodka and food (flickr photoshare)The sign over a Reading downtown establishment says ‘Vodka and Food’,  not ‘Spirits and Sandwiches’  nor ‘Alcohol and Chicken tikka Masala’  not ‘Food and Vodka’,  nor ‘Lunch and Liquor’.  I wonder who their audience is?  I’ve heard about Chav’s’ since returning to Britian,  do Chav’s favour Vodka?

What does he CCTV camera directed at the entrance tell me?  Probably not much since CCTV cameras are almost ubiquitous in UK town centres,  apparantly in 2006 there was one camera for every 14 people,  but maybe it says something that I can’t hear…

 


May 01 2008

buggy bus

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The free Thames Valley Park bus service is outstanding.  It not only provides free wireless internet access,  it also provides signs to let you know where the internet access might be a bit buggy.


Mar 13 2008

jumble sale

A jumble sale in the local church,  not something I came across in the NW US.  The word jumble didn’t crop up at all.  Ah,  memories of crowds of people waiting for a sale to open, the rush to get the bargains, old people with elbows of steel aimed with the precision of military training at my softer-parts…   …money raised being put towards renewing the church roof….


Nov 24 2007

no fishing in the mall

I suspect that the people fishing were hampering the shoppers from parting with their cash.  All that rowdy fishing and other,  unspeakable, disruptive disturbing behaviours that accompany fishing. 

I hope I’m not arrested for taking this photograph.  Shhhhh….. don’t tell anyone….


Sep 29 2007

stab city

the bar staff,  2nd yr University of Limerick student, sold me Smithwicks beer and told stories about how Limerick is known amongst the Irish as ‘Stab city’ illustrated with details of deaths amongst the people he’d met at a local the Boxing gym.  

The stone buildings are grey suggesting a gloominess to match the mood of the weather


Sep 28 2007

potato market

now this is evidence of serious specialising.  A market dedicated to potatoes and a carpark for them too.  P for parking or P for potato?


Sep 27 2007

run away!

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Run away!

…after you’ve cautioned some children,  as a car with a puncture is approaching you in an alley with tall walls in Limerick?

I wonder what the sign is actually trying to say?

Beware adults running in front of cars? 

Beware cars skidding on corners,  you may have to run for it? 

Beware,  children drivers?  

If I had the courage and time I would wait near this sign to check if there are children driving cars attempting to run-down adults here.


Jun 19 2007

font tastic

even the extremely long list of fonts in my Microsoft Office Word 2003 doesn’t include this one on Nicholoson’s corneer shop in Sumner.  Small towns provide exquisite orginality and be-jeaned red car drivers


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