Before opening my mail, making a phone call, or walking onto the dark streets of the rainy city I put on my invisible cloak of super powers bequeathed to me by my ancestors, then, as if by magic any subsequent communications with me are somehow directed to somone that isnt really me….
Wait-staff: Excuse me Mrs.
Thames Water: Mr.
Bus driver: you ladies remind me to point out where the mall is
British Telecom: Mrs.
Who would have guessed my superhero power to mirror people’s gender-expectations right back at them, its akin to being invisible except you can still be seen and are expected to pay your bills even if they are not actually addressed to you. Sigh.
I’ll either have to get married, start compulsive shopping, or have a sex-change operation to fulfill the expectations of the people whose services I use. Luckily, pleasing them is not high on my list of priorities, so I can keep my money, self respect and decreasing carbon footprint.
sixty-nineth hypotheses about the multitudinal causal factors of my singleness
Reason #69: home improvements
Getting the new old Wendy House running smoothly is going to be keeping my hands away from potential boy-girl naughtiness and may turn me into a bit of a bore judging by recent posts
sixty-eighth post in a series attempting to explain the subtle complexities of my singleness
Reason #68: Teddy bears picnic
The chorus to this well known childrens song is turning-up as auditory hallucinations in my day today.
Once I’d manage to throttle the teddybears into silence Marc Bolan turned up singing Debora, a much more desirable intrusive thought, you’ll find me attempting to harmonise with the Marc in my head, its enough to put-off even the most soppy of suitors and definitely a downer for T.Rex fans.
Sixty-seven in a non-conversational-style series of posts detailing many reasons for my singleness
Reason #67: conversationally challenged
I haven’t got an engaging commute story, I haven’t got neighbours from hell stories, in the US my food-centric conversations were decidedly below-par, there are times when even I recognise that my conversational skills take a nose-dive, I’m gradually realising that all the stock legitimate popular conversational topics are not part of my standard repetoire.
Sixty-sixth in a slightly opaque, and yet slightly transparant, series of posts detailing many reasons for my singleness
Reason #66: glass brick fascination
When I saw this wonderful glass brick wall, with the beautiful plain font and circular windows in the door I not only photographed it, I stood their gazing at it for minutes. Taking in the beauty looking like a catatonic crazy woman. This glass wall made me very happy, I may just go and visit it again for a repeat performance. Oh yes, show me a well placed glass-brick and who knows what soppy messes will ensue.
Sixty-forth in an in-sight-full series explaining the reasons behind my single-ness
Reason # 64: scary eyewear
Wearing Teflon Rohan trousers and a ski jacket with the hood up makes me look like I’m touting for business. While ambling home from work in the dark I notice that a car driving towards me slows up, passes, does a 3 point turn and starts to crawl the curb, matching my pace, next to me. I walk over, stoop to look into the car and give the obviously confused driver some advice. Upon seeing my scary eyewear he puts his foot on the accelerator.
sixty-third in a sporadic Wednesday series of posts explaining my singleness.
Reason #63: subconscious stalking.
Geordie: are you stalking me?
Wendy: Probably, but not that I’m aware of…
sixty-first in an weak weekly Wednesday series of posts explaining my singleness.
Reason #61: limp appeal.
Despite the well-known hobbity effect, and a limping Wendy being a fairly regular state of affairs, my limp hasn’t induced an affair but has induced a wobbly state. Maybe I should just cut the falling-over part of being Wendy?
fifty-sixth in a Wednesday-series of posts detailing the geographical causes of my singleness.
Reason # 56: Downtown
It has been pointed out to me that I am unlikely to meet cool happening cosmipolitan dudes while I do not live Downtown. Where all the lights are bright. Downtown. Even Kevin Turvey recognised the value of going Downtown.
thirty-first post in a standard setting Wednesday series of “why wendy’s single”.
Reason # 31: entrance fee
The entrance fee for the wendy house boudoir toilette facilities includes at least one elegant pull-up.
tall people are required to duck when passing into this room or to wear their bruised forehead with pride and aplomb.
