scribbles tagged ‘twiglets’


Thursday, September 29th, 2011 | tags: , , ,  |

numb·er·i·cal /nəmerikəl/



1) Deprived of the power to feel or manipulate a number or series of numbers

“wendy suffered a numberical moment when asked to work out how many people it would take to eat 6 packages of  twiglets in 30 minutes”  (the answer was, of course:  ‘1, ME!’ )

2) Inability to perceive numbers

“When asked how many packets of twiglets are hidden in the back of your wardrobe? wendy numberically answered “MINE!”

3) Counting without direct use of numbers

wendy numberically asserted that there were a whole bunch of twiglets for sale in the Co-op”

“A guest in the wendy house numberically suggested there were loads of twiglets hidden in the back of wendy’s wardrobe” (not actually true because I’ve eaten them)


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the cooking conversation. again.

Friday, July 31st, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

Popular conversational topics #5: cooking competencies

Tomatoeswhat do you cook? unless you include toast and porridge I dont really cook.   You don’t cook?   Do you eat out all the time? the question is asked with the intonation of shock,   disapproval or possibly repulsion.   I eat out once or twice a week,  having a quality meal produced for me is one of my  favourite luxuries.

If you don’t cook and you don’t eat out,   what do you eat, microwave meals? My questioner is still intoning in a disapproving manner.   For a few moments I wished that I had aspirations to conform to the social norm of interest or pride in the preparing and cooking of food.   Those moments pass quickly.    My lack of indugence in use of the  microwave,   only for porridge,   allows my  interregator to release a wrinkly or two from her brow.   I mostly eat cheese, tomatoes, cheese cucumber, cheese,  coleslaw,  cheese, necturines, cheese,  toast, cheese, marmite, cheese, twiglets, cheese, triffle,  cheesecake, peanut butter, date and walnut or battenburg cake.   All raw,   no cooking involved.     You like cheese then? My interregator appears to be reasonably satisfied with this reply.   But still their hangs a a niggling doubt over my ability to be a fully functioning member of society if I don’t cook.

can you cook? It had never occured to me that people don’t cook because they can’t.   At high school all girls were required to take cookery classes, under the title of ‘home economics’ classes.   They taught me to do things I’d been doing at home for years.   I used to cook, a lot.   As a student I rarely ate out and hand’t yet lost my verve for food preparation.    In my 30’s I used to host about one dinner party per month and the food seemed well appreciated,   in my 40’s I hosted fewer parties with more guests and they seemed well appreciated.   I can cook.   I only really enjoy it when I’m cooking for others and not doing it in a rush.   My interregator appears convinced that I can cook.

All my lasting lovers have been excellent cooks,   deriving pleasure from whipping up food to whet my palatte and I certainly enjoyed them doing so.

the cooking conversation. again.
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get orf moi land

Sunday, June 14th, 2009 | tags: , , , , , ,  |

get orf moi land,

or  in regionally more accurate terms    ‘OI!   git orrrf my lahnd with the optional extra ‘OAR isle shoooooot yew” is often creatively  used by Bristolians to deal with all sorts of naughty intrusiveness.

Twigletssomeone hogging the twiglets?     ‘OI! git orrrf my lahnd…’

Seattle symphony stealing your artwork? ‘OI git orrrf my lahnd OAR else….

Seattle symphony orchestra is (allegedly) stamping on your emotions:   ‘OI git orrrf my lahnd OAR isle shoooooot yew

A birdy around the Wendy House garden has a reasonable variation on this call,   here she goes,   sat in the neighbours Rowan tree:

(18 seconds of chirpy   & wobbly camerawork warning)

get orf moi land
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