The urban dictionary attributes my singleness to my name:
1) Intellectually attractive woman.
2) Physically attractive woman.
3) Emotonally attractive woman.
4) Attractivve in all 3 major ways, yet not you are condemned to be ‘just friends’
Person A: Oh man, she’s perfect! Person B: Oh yeah? So are you guys dating ow what?
Person A: Nah man, she’s a total Wendy….ya know? Person B: suxx0rz 2 b u l4m3r!!!11
Easing the suprise with the phrase ‘you’re the only girl for me’ and explaining that he preferred boys. With hindsight, this explained the dearth in exchanges of bodily fluids.
20 years later. He’s still passionate, humourful, debating, smoking, prefering boys and I’m still the only girl for him. Only now there is even less excahniging of bodily fluids because the boy’s grown into a christian
In 1979 I realised the full implications of an electric friend. Charged with excitement and a six pack of batteries I wasn’t too sure where I could get my hands on an electric friend. I settled for some curling tongs instead. This probably explains much of my subsequent love life.
Spotty dog and I had confused Helston and Helford. Thinking we were catching a bus to the seaside town of Helford we caught a bus to the inland town of Helston. As we wandered through Helston looking for the coast we stumbled upon the town park. A skateboard park with a coffee bar and dozens of fathers walking their children around the pond. A veritable single-father-fest, no-doubt influenced by the proximity of a substantial military base on the outskirts of town.
sixty-nineth hypotheses about the multitudinal causal factors of my singleness
Reason #69: home improvements
Getting the newold Wendy House running smoothly is going to be keeping my hands away from potential boy-girl naughtiness and may turn me into a bit of a bore judging by recent posts
The chorus to this well known childrens song is turning-up as auditory hallucinations in my day today.
Once I’d manage to throttle the teddybears into silence Marc Bolan turned up singing Debora, a much more desirable intrusive thought, you’ll find me attempting to harmonise with the Marc in my head, its enough to put-off even the most soppy of suitors and definitely a downer for T.Rex fans.
Sixty-sixth in a slightly opaque, and yet slightly transparant, series of posts detailing many reasons for my singleness
Reason #66: glass brick fascination
When I saw this wonderful glass brick wall, with the beautiful plain font and circular windows in the door I not only photographed it, I stood their gazing at it for minutes. Taking in the beauty looking like a catatonic crazy woman. This glass wall made me very happy, I may just go and visit it again for a repeat performance. Oh yes, show me a well placed glass-brick and who knows what soppy messes will ensue.
Reason 65 in a slowly emerging series detailing the reasons why I am currently not diddling with anyone.
Reason #65: slow learner
An unpleasant flavour mixed with the mild dizziness of nausea and a desire to be elsewhere. What prompts such an unpleasant physical reaction? Not the graphic goriness of Sweeny Todd but the sight of a small beautiful old pub in Nottingham, Bell Inn, where I spent many happy evenings in the early 90’s with my then intended and one enduring love. Who would have guessed that nearly 20 years later the sudden evocation of those happy memories would prompt such an unpleasant physical reaction? I begin to understand why over the years we’ve exchanged letters rather than met for lunch.
Sixty-forth in an in-sight-full series explaining the reasons behind my single-ness
Reason # 64: scary eyewear
Wearing Teflon Rohan trousers and a ski jacket with the hood up makes me look like I’m touting for business. While ambling home from work in the dark I notice that a car driving towards me slows up, passes, does a 3 point turn and starts to crawl the curb, matching my pace, next to me. I walk over, stoop to look into the car and give the obviously confused driver some advice. Upon seeing my scary eyewear he puts his foot on the accelerator.
It is possible that one of the reasons for my singleness is that I find the excessive use of the phrase m-kay unengaging, maybe even irritatingly, unimaginatively, overused. Example phone call:
Wendy: I’d like to book a (censored) on Sunday, is that possible?
sixty-second in as unstructured Wednesday series of posts explaining my singleness.
Reason #62: easily confused.
The not being single thing is all way too complicated. My theory is that when it isn’t complicated then that’s the right match for me! Slam dunk, I’ll know because its all effortless and unconfusing. It will be like an atronought landing on planet Wendy.
sixty-first in an weak weekly Wednesday series of posts explaining my singleness.
Reason #61: limp appeal.
Despite the well-known hobbity effect, and a limping Wendy being a fairly regular state of affairs, my limp hasn’t induced an affair but has induced a wobbly state. Maybe I should just cut the falling-over part of being Wendy?
I like being melancholic, occasionally. Overcast skies, drizzle, cold, damp, and the like provides a familiar comforting feel. I enjoy this occasionally. Not all the time, just sometimes.
Fifty-nineth in an outspoken Wednesday series of posts proposing reasons for my singleness.
Reason #59: arrogant & mouthy
2 votes amongst friends can show a trend. This trend looks like arrogant and mouthy. Alas, noone wants to spend a day on a desert island with me…. …Hmmmmm….
Fifty-eighth in a grumpy Wednesday series of posts proposing reasons for my singleness.
Reason #58: anglophile aversion
Lady@party: my sister over there is an Anglophile, she heard you talking in the kitchen, you really must talk to her
Wendy: Oh (overhears the Anglophile imitating and English accent, inaccurately overemphasing the vowel-sounds. Decides to politely ignore the suggestion and starts conversation with interesting other-guest )
Host: (brings anglophile over, interrupts interesting-other-guest conversation and introduces Anglophile.)
Wendy: Hello (returns to listening to ijnteresting-other-guest-story)
Other-guest: how are you? (to Anglophile)
Anglophile: Really happy, I’ve just got a new calendar of London with things like Red London buses on it. (looks at Wendy)
Wendy: (Silence. Effortfully applied facial-stillness. Contemplates various escape routes)
Fifty-seventh in an unfeminised Wednesday series of posts ironing out the reasons for my singleness.
Reason #57: wrinklefest
YAY
It’s official, I’m a wrinkly and proud of it. Looks like I have what TV advertising calls ‘agingspots’ or are those subtle skin tones summer freckles? I squidge my wrinkles at the organisations that attempt to sell anti-wrinkle cream and loudly chant
YAH-BOO TO YOU
My wrinkles are exuding rather-adorableness at twice the normal rate of a 43yr old to an audience that may not yet recognize their fundamental beauty.
It has been pointed out to me that I am unlikely to meet cool happening cosmipolitan dudes while I do not live Downtown. Where all the lights are bright. Downtown. Even Kevin Turvey recognised the value of going Downtown.
fifty-fifth in a Wednesday-series of posts detailing the not quite realistic causes of my singleness.
Reason # 55: fantasy land
Wendy having an absolutely fabulous time often involves lashings of fantasy play both indoors and in public places. I have met very few boys that tolerate or engage in, or better still promote spontaneous fantasy play in public places. They are absolutely yummy companions when I stumble across them…
fifty-fourth in the essential-reading Wednesday-series of well-hyphenated posts detailing the causes of my singleness.
Reason #54: touched
When I see an instruction saying “do not touch” on something circular and raised that looks remarkably like a button, it makes me want to push that thing even more. Take this picture as an example. Do you think I touched the button-like thing with my forefinger like one-would press a button?
Was the designer of the Descarga automatica pulling my leg finger or am I still a tad too paranoid? It’s hard to tell. I need help with such tricky questions.
I’m on Holiday in SPAIN, Madrid, its and exotic place, surely you can’t expect me to write sensible reasons for being single when I’m on HOLIDAY. You’ll have to satisfy your curiosity with a bit of re-visiting earlier gems of delightful rationality because I’m GONE. Let’s say it together, with feeling,
fifty-second in a Wednesday series of posts uncovering my score on singleness.
Reason #52: one strike
One strike and I’m out. Zero tolerance for anything even approximating physical violence to another human being or a cat. Apparantly there are some people who believe in a discourse that endorses violence by attributing it to beyond control, to passion, they ’can’t help’ being violent, they were provoked, and so on. What a load of complete bollocks. Walking away is always an option for potential agressor and often also for the potential victim.
wendy: I may not understand the code but I can read his attitude, its funny.
SD: yeah, if it wasn’t for Raymond I never would have discovered Jenn or Wendy
wendy: the Piehole and the Wendy House?
SD: yeah
wendy: I’ve met Jenn ………….and wendy……..that’s me, that’s me, I’m wendy (full horror-show of yellow wonky teeth glinting in the spring sunset frightening oncoming traffic as we drive west)
SD: YOU? wendy, you ARE wendy?
wendy: yes-yes, yes-yes, YES, that’s MY blog. I did it ALL myself… … I did ask Raymond for help setting it up. He pointed out that working on Windows was not the same thing as being an internet website development consultant (…sleep inducing monologue of everything I think I know about blogging)
Forty-nineth in a Wednesday series of posts challenging your suspicions as to why I am single
Reason # 49: picky, Picky, PICKY
Example pickyness, wendy age 16yrs, Sailor age 18yrs cutting a dashing figure in his Navy uniform. Sailor and I started dating when I was 12yrs and he 14. Then he just disappeared when I was 13. He reappeared when I was 16 and proposed marriage. I suspected his commitment skills were below par for the marriage course so I suggested that we wait the 5yrs until after I’d graduated from my University degree course before having the wedding. He pouted quite prettily then made his final disappearance.
Forty-eighth post in a Wednesday series where Wendy fails to meet someone that drives singleness out of the House
Reason #48: uninvolved
When I saw the title of this book, I suspected that I needed a book on how to ‘get things done when people are involved’ because:
Firstly, I have noticed that people can stop me from getting things done. For example, the bus driver stopped me from driving my car, the lady in the Diner stopped me from cooking my breakfast, and other more shocking things
Secondly, being single is being uninvolved so this book might help me to get involved.
Meetings are much more complicated than I realised.
forty-seventh post in a Wednesday series highlighting some of the pollutants that promote Wendy’s singleness.
Reason # 47: emissions tested
Wendys can produce unfiltered, untested balderdash. In Washington State gas emissions are subject to production constraints and testing, but alas, not Wendy’s balderbash. Boys ill-equipt with their own balderdash filtering mechnaism are unlikely to survive pre-dating balderbash emissions.
I have never been inside one of these big Moose buildings. I’m curious about the happenings within. But, just as curiosity bites, a serendipitously placed road sign tells me this is the wrong way.
