scribbles tagged ‘wrinklefest’

NO? You can’t be!

Wednesday, August 28th, 2013 | tags: , ,  |

Engineer?Engineering Manager: “if you don’t mind me asking, how old ARE you?”

Wendy: (proudly) “50 this year!”

I like these engineers who are curious and ask direct questions. The careful preface was also wise, as I’d only met the engineer 30 minutes ago, my reaction could have been very different given the socio-cultural norms in the UK suggest asking a woman her age is inappropriate…

NO? You can’t be!
4 votes rating 4.5

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my golden jubilee this year

Sunday, March 10th, 2013 | tags: , ,  |

Finnish Arthairdresser:

have you ever been married? (No) do you have children? (No)  you look A LOT younger than 50!

wendy:

kids and husband’s do seem to prematurely age many people. I suspect loving them produces a lot of worry.

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DABBING at Dawn

Friday, January 11th, 2013 | tags: , ,  |

Deep Wrinkles PlasterTriple action Filorga deed-fill plaster with blast those wrinkles away. Because it’s

BIOLOGICAL

MECHANICAL

OPTICAL

(It’s not greased lightening, and mind you don’t get it in your eyes)

I need some plaster to deep fill my wrinkles but 10 ml won’t go far! It probably takes at least 24 hours to set too. The trouble is that I can only apply this by ‘Dabbing’ in the morning, no trowels allowed and no after lunch dabbing either.  Only touch-ups during the day. Got that?

NO DABBING

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foxy lady

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012 | tags: , ,  |

Foxy ladyI’ve known these people since primary school, they’ve just never grown up.

Love it!

Would you trust this lady with ensuring you got 5 a day? Exactly. Quite so. You can spot a dangerously subversive smile on a beautiful person…

foxy lady
2 votes rating 2.5

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family traits

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012 | tags: , , , , , ,  |

KnucklesMy 90 year aunt rubs her distorted, arthritic, hands.  Despite this distortion I find her hands beautiful. Her gently winkled skin doesn’t betray her grand age

Knarled and dapper

Mumsie and her elder sister try to remember the names and professions of their long-past elderly relatives who were mainly females:

Even the married female relatives lived as-if they were unmarried – without their husbands, running thier own businesses:

  • a Milliner – HATS!!!
  • a sweetshop owner

family traits
1 vote rating 5

2 bits of fabulous banter »

wrinkles are your friends

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011 | tags: , ,  |

wendy: can you come out to play tonight?

you: Um, actually, no, not really, I’ve got some ironing to do

wendy: I’m only in town for a couple of days, what if I come over and we talk while you iron?

you: yes, that would be nice

As I watched you dig-out a pair of socks from the avalanching mountain of fresh laundry then

  • iron each sock, first on its own, then carefully laid under its partner,
  • fold each pair at a 45 degree angle from the heal so that the foot and ankle of the sock lay neatly together
  • Iron the folded pair
  • Then place them in your small pile of finished ironing

I began to understand why you had bought me an Iron for my 25th birthday present. I had never owned and iron before, nor since. The choice of present had initially baffled me, I don’t need an iron, its a rather functional present. I had laughed and said

Oh! an Iron, I haven’t got one of those!

Good, I was worried that you might have got one

As you ironed I noticed your attention to wrinkle, your precision was impressive, you blasted them out of existence with several firm strokes then placed precision folds and creases.  You ironed shirts, jeans, sheets, teatowels, flannels, hankerchieves and underpants. Underpants! Over 3 hours you eroded the mountain to merely a substantial hill of fresh laundry.

Maybe when you look at me you see all the soft wrinkles in my clothes, maybe you needed to give me an iron. It never ceases to amaze me that we are such very close friends. I’m so glad we are.

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6 bits of fabulous banter »

ponytail

Saturday, July 10th, 2010 | tags: , ,  |

Words of wisdom from  an almost stranger*.  a girl friend from Essex

To get a facelift without invasive surgery or spending a lot of money – grow your hair long enough to wear in a ponytail. 

I am already following this advice

* Past tips provided by Alan the hairdresser.   Lucia the hairdresser, an anonymous  manicurist, a Jackson’s sales assistant, a bus stop philanthropist, a mini salesman, Windows Network Diagnostics, Flat Eric, a girl on a London commuter train  and Reading Police.
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turn off tap

Thursday, June 10th, 2010 | tags: , ,  |

Every visit to my parents’ home brings new suprises

Each suprise like a crumb on a trail leading into a the blackest forest.  

My parents are gently walking into thier story of old age, fumbling into darkness and deafness.  Holding each others hands, quibbling like children, I watch them waddle away. 

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cumulative evidence

Saturday, November 14th, 2009 | tags: , , , ,  |

I have old lady

I wonder what comes  next…

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5 bits of fabulous banter »

Where are my teeth?

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 | tags: ,  |

I know I was wearing them at lunch because I ate  my cheese sandwich.  

The teeth are old,   not as old as me. They don’t fit aswell as when they were new.    In January I lost my job.   No more  health insurance.   55  unemployed in Warren, Pensylvania.  No  new jobs.  Without a job I  don’t have health insurance, or money,  to replace the old teeth.   Without teeth I can only eat soft food.  

While looking for a job,    trying not to spend money, trying to stay warm, I spent my days in the library.

The Library!  

Warren LibraryI must have left my teeth at the Library.    The woman who had sat opposite,  draped in gold jewelry and plastered in 3 coats of make-up, complained  about the sound of my sucking my teeth.   I stopped sucking my teeth –  I took  them out.   Hah!   I placed them on the table where the over-sensitive rich bitch could see them.     She moved tables,   I lost myself in a book then forgot about my teeth.

Before breakfast I went back to the Library to  pick them up.   The Librarian winced as she told me she found my teeth.   She threw them out last night  because of  what she called ‘cleanliness concerns‘.   False teeth can be cleaned! Steam, disinfectant, take your pick, what do they teach Librarians at school these days?    I searched the bins at the back of the Library,   the bins weren’t clean.   No teeth.   That librarians ‘cleanliness concerns’ has turned my diet to mush.    Mush   until my money completely runs out,   then who knows what will happen to me.    Maybe I too will be binned for cleanliness concerns.

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old and new

Saturday, May 2nd, 2009 | tags: , , ,  |

flat caps, sticks and cardigansTwo slim elderly gentleman rest their walking sticks  as they wait to cross the road in downtown London.   Flat caps keep their heads warm,   cardigans sensibly cover their torsos in the cool spring sunshine.   The modern office block in the background reflects the sun and current fashion.

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2 bits of fabulous banter »

natural beauty without surgery

Sunday, September 28th, 2008 | tags: , , ,  |

Not natural,   arguably not beautiful and definitely  not with a feather as implied by the imagery in this advert.    According to this advert  natural beauty without surgery can be achieved  by the injection of long lasting stuff.   Surely this is an abuse of even the 1968  trade’s descriptions act?  

To achieve naturalness you need injections?!

If the woman pictured in this advert is an exemplar of naturalness you also need lots of product such as dark eye-shadow,   mascara, lipstic,  hair-dye, with some additional refinements in the form of eyebrow plucking,  dental adjustments and airbrushing.

Burn me as a witch for saying it, but I’d much rather wrinklefest without layers of product on my skin and hair however ‘unnatural’ that might be.

natural, injected, facial beauty

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wrinklefest

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007 | tags: , ,  |

Fifty-seventh in an unfeminised Wednesday series of posts ironing out the reasons for my singleness.

Reason #57: wrinklefest

YAY

It’s official,     I’m a wrinkly and proud of it.   Looks like I have what  TV advertising calls ‘aging spots’   or are those subtle skin tones summer freckles?   I squidge my wrinkles at the organisations that attempt to sell anti-wrinkle cream and loudly chant

YAH-BOO TO YOU

My wrinkles are exuding rather-adorableness at twice the normal rate of a 43yr old to an audience that may not yet recognize their fundamental beauty.

wrinklefest
3 votes rating 5

1 wonderful musing »